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❗️⚠️Suicide⚠️❗️
Former Member
Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
It’s been awhile…
I’m getting bad again, even worse than before, my thoughts are getting more intrusive.
They say speaking to people helps but all that’s done for me is made me fall out with the people I’m close too, my mum, she’s turned it around on her and has told me to stop being selfish and my partner, he doesn’t have much to say really. Quite sad really because it makes me not want to be here even more.
The one thing that’s stopping me, is failing to kill myself, I would hate to attempt to kill myself and fail and still be alive. Some people will say it’s a selfish act, to kill yourself but I always say I never had the choice to be here, I’ve tired living now I don’t like it so why don’t we get the choice to stay or not? It may also sound ungrateful but it’s causing more misery by me being alive to myself and the people around me.
I’m hurting a lot and I’m running on very little energy I just wish I could go
I’m getting bad again, even worse than before, my thoughts are getting more intrusive.
They say speaking to people helps but all that’s done for me is made me fall out with the people I’m close too, my mum, she’s turned it around on her and has told me to stop being selfish and my partner, he doesn’t have much to say really. Quite sad really because it makes me not want to be here even more.
The one thing that’s stopping me, is failing to kill myself, I would hate to attempt to kill myself and fail and still be alive. Some people will say it’s a selfish act, to kill yourself but I always say I never had the choice to be here, I’ve tired living now I don’t like it so why don’t we get the choice to stay or not? It may also sound ungrateful but it’s causing more misery by me being alive to myself and the people around me.
I’m hurting a lot and I’m running on very little energy I just wish I could go
Post edited by Aoife on
8
Comments
I’m sorry to hear that, you deserve support and kindness. Feeling this way certainly isn’t selfish , you’re feelings and struggles are completely valid. I know it’s not quite the same but we’re always here
It does sound ungrateful, it just sounds like you’re in a lot of pain right now. I know you haven’t had the best experience with talking to people but do you think you could maybe talk to a gp about your feelings.
The mix cricis line is there to help too https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team/crisis-messenger
And I’ve found the organisation calm very helpful to talk to .
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
Always happy to listen if you ever need Someone to talk to.
I have been to the GP and all they do is prescribe me with anti depressants and they don’t seem to be helping, I’ve been on them for over a year now.
Sorry to hear your anti depressants aren't helping you, with regards to medications it could be worth speaking to your GP about them, cause it may be that you may require a different medication, or therapy alongside medication.
How are you doing now?
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way, it must be really tough. I understand it can be disheartening when your family and close ones don't respond in the way you need them to. But remember that family are not trained to talk about these subjects in the same way that professionals are, and so they can find it difficult to deal with these situations. What I'm trying to say is that their response is not a reflection of your self worth, if that makes sense, they may just not know how to cope with the situation.
If talking to family is hard it may be best to talk to your GP about getting some talking therapy. If that feels like too much, writing intrusive thoughts down in a journal can be really helpful. You can write the thoughts down without having to worry about the response of another person and it can be quite a relief to get your thoughts out of your head and down on paper instead. It's great that you recognise that these thoughts are intrusive, so it might also be worth trying to challenge the thoughts that you are having.
You say you have been on antidepressants for a year now. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about changing your medication, sometimes it can take time to find the right medication for yourself. I think, as @Stephanie has said, therapy alongside medication might be worth thinking about.
I know that you said you have little energy left, but reaching out to us about how you are feeling proves that you are a fighter. Sending massive hugs
I know sometimes it feels like no-ones listening and it’s pointless to try, my first GP told me they couldn’t help unless I attempted, I went to another GP and they offered me endless amounts of help. In truth I didn’t think i’d make it this far, but then i wouldn’t have met the people I did or been able to help others who have felt the way I did, the point is even when it feels like there is no chance of getting better. just hang on for one more day, each day get up and tell yourself one more day. As silly as it sounds eventually you won’t need to tell yourself that anymore and you’ll have come so much further than you ever realised.
I have just seen your post, I am so sorry that you're feeling this way. How have you been getting on since you posted?