feeling ashamed of myself

Former Member

I'm feeling ashamed of myself. I feel entitled and greedy.

I was under the impression that we were struggling to get by each month. This is far from the truth. They have been saving a lot of money, and spending some of it on nice things for themselves. This morning I had found it very odd that my mum had allocated me £50 to spend on myself. It's a big amount to her. She said she'd given the same amount to everyone. I said I'd go away to think.

Throughout the day I'd been coming to her with ideas, but that I wasn't certain so she was not to put these things into the basket until I was sure. She would tell me that it's only for me, for fun money or something practical for myself. I come back, and she starts talking about what she's chosen on my behalf as well as something I had explicitly said to her as an idea, but not to put in as I hadn't decided. She said I have £19 left to choose something, but that she was about to put some pyjamas in the basket and that'd be me sorted.

I immediately started complaining. She revealed that she had allocated £100 to everyone in fun money or for practical items. And that actually I didn't have £50 left, I had £39 left, as she needed to get me a duvet for the winter. No one else needed practical items, and I'm the only one who doesn't get an income. Everyone except me get hundreds of pounds each month to spend or save on whatever they want as they get benefits, and this is a one off situation where I've been given a measly £39 in comparison on something for myself.

Former Member

Hey @downtherabbithole. I am sorry that you are feeling ashamed. Unfortunately with money comes a lot of complex emotions that aren't always good and it can be a touchy subject. I understand why you feel wronged (I think that is the right word) because you weren't treated the same as everyone else and given less. It maybe that your mum didn't allocate you more money because she didn't think you would need more than that. I think you should tell her how you feel that it is unfair that you get less. I wonder if you have your own bank account (btw you don't have to tell me if you do as that is quite personal information) that your mum can put every week or every month so you can control how much money you spend for fun money or necessities, like a "go henry" so she knows how much you have too. This could also build trust between you and your mum in terms of money. Maybe suggest this to your mum to see if she would be open to it.
I hope that I helped. I am not an expert on money but thought to give my two sense.

Former Member

@downtherabbithole I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way but am thankful that you have reached out. I understand how frustrated you must feel at both yourself and family! I think that it may be worthwhile having a conversation with your siblings or the other people in your family to find out if you are right in your assumptions. After that it may be good to have a family discussion. I would agree with @naomi on the idea of an individual bank account and it may be a good idea to assess your mother's motivations for this. If you can understand why she is treating you differently, you may be able to address the dilemma directly. I hope this has helped you and good luck!

Former Member

is it bad that i feel hopeless?

Former Member

Hi @Past User I am sorry that you feel hopeless, it is not a nice feeling to have. Can I ask if you feel this way for any particular reason?
We are here to chat.

Former Member

naomi wrote: »

Hi @Past User I am sorry that you feel hopeless, it is not a nice feeling to have. Can I ask if you feel this way for any particular reason?
We are here to chat.

i am getting harassed by my ex plus i am getting getting raped