Realisations, revelations, heartbreak and new beginnings

awesomeminecraft6789

Hey guys

It's been a long time But this is kind of a last ditch effort to reach out and try and get some help cause I really need it right now

So if you all remember I got recently dumped by my girlfriend and it hasn't been any easier because I'm kinda mentally trapped in a shell of my formed self the reason I'm like this at all is because the reason we broke up is because of the one thing I hate about myself more than anything my in ability to start convos and that's what has been on my mind and Isnt going away I haven't got any more tears to cry because I'm trying to keep it together for everyone but I want so desperately to cry out but I just can't anymore

To that girl I understand your reason behind it but it didn't have to end just because of that I just wish you would have said something I would have understood and tried to change that also you keep saying your sorry but it doesn't mean anything anymore the damage has allready been done and you can't change that no one can and don't go telling the teachers this cause none of this means I'm gonna do something to myself so don't go over thinking everything like you usually do apologies for the rant but i need to get my feelings out there

Do you guys have any advice because i think this time im critically damaged to the point where nothing suprises me or makes me jump im that dead inside and between me and you guys im back to being friends with this girl but its just so awkward because this time i cant forgive her because ive turned into something that i dont even recognise anymore and ive tried so hard to forget it just as i did she brings up why we broke up i already knew why anyway but knowing did doesnt make it any easier and at one point i wanted to leave the sixth form we go to because i just couldnt be in the same class as her no offence to her of course shes great but ive been in this depressed limbo ever since it ended in april and last week i think i was stuck in it for almost the whole of friday and she said she dont like seeing me like this or whatever and i still kind of have feelings for her but it doesnt matter anyway it wont make a differece i think i keep bumming everyone out and thats why im considering leaving the school cause itd be easier for everyone else and theyd be happy and so would i

Also she invited me to her birthday and im still pondering if i should go or not what do you guys think should i? Because i wanna go dont get me wrong but after all this i dont know if i should cause i donnt wanna wreck the party being like this

I could really use a talk or something because im really badly damaged and i hate it but idk how to stop it what should i do?

Thanks anyway guys

Brandon

Former Member

Hi Brandon,

Sounds like things are tough, so I'm glad you reached out. We are here for you. Sending huge hugs your way

Breakups can be so, so tough. A friend of mine experienced something similar, in that the reason for the breakup was similar and he was impacted in a similar way. He ended up contacting the GP to speak things through with the therapist for a few weeks. Is this something you would consider at all?

Breakups are sometimes compared to the stages of grief. Part of these stages is a feeling of numbness - with nothing surprising you or making you jump. So, it could be that this reaction is part of your mind working through the breakup. These breakup/grief stages might not be experienced by everyone, but perhaps that's something you could read into to see if it resonates at all.

With the party, you mention that you do want to go, but you don't know if you should. Perhaps you could write down a pro's and con's list to help you to work through this decision. Whichever list is easiest to write...that's your answer Alternatively, you could go the party with the knowledge that, if you feel uncomfortable, you can leave at any time. You don't necessarily have to stay the entire time. Do what's best for you

Best of luck with everything. You've got this

awesomeminecraft6789

Hi @coc0mac

Thanks for the advice i aprecciate it and ik break ups can be but theyve never been this bad where ive just straight been depressed since we broke up about 14 weeks ago i think? so i technically should have been over it and in a way i am because as i think i said its not the break up im thinking about its why and its just been burned into me because the one thing i hate about myself is my inability to talk and that's why it ended and thats excatly whats been bothering me

And about the therapist yeah i had like this school counselor to talk about that and its in school/sitxth form as well but for some reason we havent met up in a while i guess because she thinks im doing better but im really not but i try and put on this act where im happy just to make them happy and to see if thatll make me happy but i just dont feel smiley or happy anymore and this has been going on since april idk what to do

And yeah i think thats a good idea to write down the pros and cons of going to the part so ill try that see if i can work something out from that

Thanks i apreeciate it!

Former Member

Hi @awesomeminecraft6789 (love that name-minecraft is awesome!)
There's been some amazing advice given on this thread already, but just so you know, I'm always here if you ever want to reach out and rant Ive been in such a similar situation and boy it's painful, I'm so sorry you're going through that pain
It's so glad to see that you're looking into a therapist/school counsellor, there are some fab ones out there!
A key point in situations like this is that we often let relationships define us more than our own selves- which is even more powerful as a young person as we are all still trying to understand ourselves, let alone other people and the dynamics of a relationship!! XD
I'm a very socially anxious person too, and one of the best things I ever did was leave a very toxic relationship -- of whom was my only real friend-- and spend a solid year working on myself. Unwrapping your thoughts from a singular person can be so tough, but it's such a good way to start healing. Have you considered joining any clubs for things you enjoy? Like chess or a sport or a Minecraft group in your school? When you start to see those little gains and smiles back again, little by little, its such a good feeling And with each day comes that little bit more healing and little more confidence in talking to people
We are all on a growth journey and you are at a milestone. I hope you are so proud of yourself for reaching out and learning to navigate through this, because you will conquer it sooner than you know
With hugs,
Meila

Former Member

Hiya @awesomeminecraft6789
I'm sorry you are struggling at the moment but I just want you to know that you are so brave for opening up about how you feel. You say that you should be over it by now but please don't be so hard on yourself. There is no time limit, sometimes it will naturally take longer for you to work through your feelings after a break up.

Please don't hate yourself for not being able to talk to people, you are still a worthy person despite your struggles. I bet more people have trouble talking to others than you realise, you are totally not alone. If you want to work on this then @meila suggestion is great. If you could find a club or do some volunteering which you enjoy that could help you to start conversations with people who have a common interest and might help to boost your confidence talking to others.

You said you haven't met up with your counsellor for a while, maybe it would be best to think about seeing them again if you feel able to. You say you are putting on an act to look happy but you absolutely don't have to fake happiness for anyone if you are hurting. Especially with a counsellor who is there to support you so really needs to know how you truly are feeling. Do you think you could get in contact with your counsellor and explain how you really feel inside? You have done such a great job sharing your feelings with us. Your feelings are important and the first step to feeling better is recognising how the emotions you feel which you have already done, so well done for that.

Sending you lots of hugs, I trust that you will get through these feelings and come out of this an even stronger person