Parents

Former Member

My parents keep on having small arguments but my step dad has a harsh tone of voice when he’s angry so I’m always afraid he will hurt my mum. Is there anything I can do to not worry or if they fight some distractions or tips? Thanks

Past User

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Former Member

Hi @lovenature773. Thank you for sharing this with us

I would love to echo everything @zaynab_5 has said. The hotline or online chat service is something I was going to suggest too. I volunteer at a helpline, and young people often call as a distraction while they feel anxious, so could be a great distraction when your parents argue. You might also like to join the group chats at The Mix for some friendly company

How would you feel about talking to your mum about these worries too? It's totally okay if this isn't something you'd feel comfortable with, but I thought I would ask - she could perhaps provide some reassurance

Former Member

coc0mac wrote: »

Hi @lovenature773. Thank you for sharing this with us

I would love to echo everything @zaynab_5 has said. The hotline or online chat service is something I was going to suggest too. I volunteer at a helpline, and young people often call as a distraction while they feel anxious, so could be a great distraction when your parents argue. You might also like to join the group chats at The Mix for some friendly company

How would you feel about talking to your mum about these worries too? It's totally okay if this isn't something you'd feel comfortable with, but I thought I would ask - she could perhaps provide some reassurance

Thank you coc0. I’m not comfortable with talking to my mum but I normally go on childline or come on here to help others it helps me a lot.

Former Member

zaynab_5 wrote: »

Hearing or experiencing your parents always fighting at home is a really horrible situation to be in. It's normal to feel sad, worried, stressed and even angry. While there's a whole stack of things you can't control in the situation, there are a few things you can do to help you cope and feel a bit better.

Remember that you’re not responsible for your parents’ conflict and it’s not your job to ‘fix’ it for them. It’s not your fault that this is happening and you don’t have to take sides.
When your parents are fighting, this can make you feel upset, angry, anxious, down, irritable or stressed. If you can, go to another room or somewhere you feel safe and secure. You could listen to music, or play a game with earphones in, so you can’t hear the fighting.
Whenever my parents argue, I just close my door and just do my own thing, for example, I just read my book, watch my YouTube videos with high volume or revise.
Do something that makes you feel good. When you’re going through something like your parents fighting all the time, looking after yourself is extra important. If you prioritise what makes you feel good day-to-day, you’ll be more resilient and feel better equipped to deal with those ‘Ah shit, they’re at it again’ moments that aren’t so good.
Have a plan to do things you enjoy every day. Think about which ones you can do easily to distract yourself when your parents are fighting. For example, you could read a book, message a friend or do some drawing. These activities are discreet and won’t attract any extra attention to you. If you’re able to leave the house, you could meet up with a friend.
You can go somewhere else. If you have a trusted neighbour, friend or relative close by, you could ask if you can drop by. Even the time you spend getting there can help to clear your head. If there’s someone who knows that your parents often fight, you could ask them whether you could come round whenever the situation at home gets intense.
Your local community might have a public library, park or basketball courts that you could also go to. Try a few places until you find somewhere you feel safe that you can go to if you need to.
If you want you can talk to someone about it. Get support from someone you trust. It could be a sibling, a friend, a relative, a therapist or a counsellor. Your school/college/uni might have a support person available.
If you’d prefer to talk to someone you don’t know, you could try using a hotline or online chat service.
You might worry that if you talk to someone, you could get into trouble or it could break up your family- that’s not down to you. If you need support, don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Thank you I normally text my friend or come on here. My parents have already told me it’s not my fault but I just don’t want to loose another dad. Thank you for the ideas I’ll try them next time. I can’t leave the house since if I do my mum would pull me back inside because she doesn’t want me running away or hurting myself etc I live far away from my friends and other family anyways but I’ve been thinking if it gets to hard I’ll ask to stay at my nans for the night. Also problem: my mum is counsellor at my school haha 😪
Thank you again it means a lot to me and I would’ve been worse if I didn’t find this service 🖤