Messed up

lovenature773

So I’m I’ve been having voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough etc I tell them to back off they don’t, their like a itch I can’t get rid of. And now when I’m in bed I keep on seeing dark figures that whisper stuff. And only today I talked to my friend that I have anxiety, binge eating disorders and suicidal thoughts I can’t sleep since I’ve probably ruined our friendship I know I’m being a coward but I don’t know what to say? I’m just worried, and now I’ve had 3 panic attacks and it’s horrible I haven’t told my mum but I’m worried she’ll take me to a hospital or something and now I am confused about who I am. I want short hair but I feel better being called el instead of Ellie or Elissa I want to be a boy but I’m a Christian so I would be judged. So uhh any advices on everything? Sorry for the long rant I needed to get it out

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lovenature773

But how?! My parents don’t know and Im not sure how to contact my GP without them knowing. I’ve only had them for a year I don’t hurt myself because of them they just put me down more. And I’m sorry you had to go through that ❤️. And I’m really young, I don’t want to be the girl everyone needs to be cautious about.....

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elpad_2002

lovenature773 wrote: »

But how?! My parents don’t know and Im not sure how to contact my GP without them knowing. I’ve only had them for a year I don’t hurt myself because of them they just put me down more. And I’m sorry you had to go through that ❤️. And I’m really young, I don’t want to be the girl everyone needs to be cautious about.....

Hi @lovenature773, it's great that you've been able to now let your friend into more about what you're feeling and going through, I know that can be hard but it's a really big step. Also, don't worry about whether it has ruined your friendship, a good friend will always try their best to support you (my friend a few years ago actually told me quite similar things and it only brought us closer).

In terms of you wanting to contact a GP without your parents knowing, right now GPs are doing phone appointments so maybe that might make it easier? Is there a time where you are ever alone, away from your parents, or maybe you could do it after school somewhere quiet if that's possible, or say you're at your friends house? I'm not quite sure if any of these would work for you but do let me know. If they don't, perhaps another possibility could be actually asking your school if in lunch break or lesson time you could call your GP without your parents knowing, I do know someone who did this because, ultimately, they have your best interests at heart.

Just a side note, that friend I mentioned also wanted to be a boy and her mum was very Christian and religious so I completely understand how that feels for you and your worry of being judged.

Sending hugs!

lovenature773

elpad_2002 wrote: »

lovenature773 wrote: »

But how?! My parents don’t know and Im not sure how to contact my GP without them knowing. I’ve only had them for a year I don’t hurt myself because of them they just put me down more. And I’m sorry you had to go through that ❤️. And I’m really young, I don’t want to be the girl everyone needs to be cautious about.....

Hi @lovenature773, it's great that you've been able to now let your friend into more about what you're feeling and going through, I know that can be hard but it's a really big step. Also, don't worry about whether it has ruined your friendship, a good friend will always try their best to support you (my friend a few years ago actually told me quite similar things and it only brought us closer).

In terms of you wanting to contact a GP without your parents knowing, right now GPs are doing phone appointments so maybe that might make it easier? Is there a time where you are ever alone, away from your parents, or maybe you could do it after school somewhere quiet if that's possible, or say you're at your friends house? I'm not quite sure if any of these would work for you but do let me know. If they don't, perhaps another possibility could be actually asking your school if in lunch break or lesson time you could call your GP without your parents knowing, I do know someone who did this because, ultimately, they have your best interests at heart.

Just a side note, that friend I mentioned also wanted to be a boy and her mum was very Christian and religious so I completely understand how that feels for you and your worry of being judged.

Sending hugs!

So with the GP thing I know nothing and I don’t even have the phone number etc. I’m happy your friend trusts you I’m online right now and he is online too so I’m not sure if I should invite him because my power cut out when we were talking about everything so I don’t want him to think ima coward or anything. I haven’t told my mum I want to be more masculine since she works at my school and girls can’t wear trousers etc. Sending hugs back

lovenature773

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zaynab_5 wrote: »

I've been in the same situation where my parents did put me down more and it need make me feel hopeless. Your parents may expect lots of things from you, however your parents love you unconditionally and I'm pretty sure that they are willing to help and support you through your difficulties. So it's best to let your parents know, no matter how they might be feeling, just acknowledge them for a while and gradually they will understand what you're going through and they will consistently tell you if you are okay.
That way they will contact your GP with you, then your doctor could prescribe you with psychiatric medication. They will reduce and relieve your symptoms. Your doctor would want what is best for you, so you might be referred to psychiatrists, or even talking therapies! Your psychiatrist can monitor your symptoms regularly, and your therapist can help you reduce your stress and worries. They are an excellent way of helping you deal with your symptoms more easier, as you'll have the right support.
I hope the best for you

I will tell them when the times right but I will do it and update. My mum knows I have anxiety but not binge eating and the voices. I’m not sure about my dad but like you said your parents love you unconditionally and my parents have proved that I just don’t want them to worry about me