Sex and sexuality

Former Member

Wasn't sure which sub forum to put this in since it is about both sexuality and relationships and I thought it delved into a lot of detail.
It is kinda sexual so dont read if that you don't want to see lol I tried to avoid as much as possible without losing the point. It is also about sexuality and it is kinda weird idk. Dunno where else to write it tho lol.

So the thing is I kinda identify as bi.
The thing is I dont know if I would enjoy sex with a guy. I did date a bi guy for a bit and it was um so so.
It wasn't that I wasn't excited sexually while lying together and I might have been a bit with ya know the thingy.
I was still kinda scared tho even he said that he cleared his mind so he didnt do too much things.
I think the best part was just lying together tho hugging etc and not really the sexual things.

Still I am not sure how much I would want to have proper sex maybe I would try it just to try but it seems not worth it with all the prepration things u have to do (they really are necessary ofc) but I don't really just want to take drugs purely to do some weird act lol sorry idk it just seems extra when you can equally feel good doing other things.
Maybe I am also just disgusted a bit told that it was common or something but like eh.

I am scared tho that going into bed with most guys mean sex which i dont want necessarily. Unless like you are using the bed as a chair which I dont mean in this case lol. I like guys but do i really want to do these things?
Another thing is that I am more dominant/active leaning I hate the idea of being 100 per cent or even 60 per cent passive. I just don't see that being a thing in heterostuff without it usually being some strange kink and I dislike bdsm. I know it can be done because two guys can have sex. But even bi guys I know wouldnt want to do it like that. I know there are some guys who are into that sort of thing but they are rare and idk if it is that they genuinely want or if its just a weird fetish, and the rest identify usually as gay. Even then not sure how much id enjoy it seems weird. Its not like i ever tried the sex stuff but I dont want to do anything weird. I guess I dont really need to think about it until that there is such a case and dont need to do anything uncomfortable but yea I dunno I am confused cuz even most bi girls seem different to me. I don't think I will act on it tbh there seems no point devoting so much time to sex.

Otherwise oral stuff seems kinda unhygienic too so I don't really wanna do it.

Still I am attracted to guys, but I am usually attracted to femininity more than anything I say "femininity" in terms of relative to guys kinda. I even think of them like almost in a girly way idk.

Its making it hard to know how to identify and how to act tho. I get uncomfortable being hit on by some guys especially if it is obvious its mainly about sex which I dont want though I guess most Women dont want it upfront. I also just don't like a lot of the guy pays for everything stuff I know a fair lot of women who dont tho so it is normal enough.
But even when i was with a girl then I was told i was unusual acting for for woman.
I don't follow typical female pattern in sex I mean I was in the sense maybe I am caring but I think I was a lot more um primal or something basically I guess not good or bad. It felt way more freeing though and relaxed something actually enjoyable but defo different its not like I don't like being with guys however but idk. I also however dont feel like it is something I need in my life.

Cuz I have barely done anything much just I feel like really confused.
I can't even find any advice specifically for me.
Maybe there is stuff for lesbians I feel excluded just for even saying I am bi. I was told maybe I should identify as such instead tho but to me feels more like a porn category and I feel that I am lying by identifying as such cuz I am still attracted to guys.
Maybe I am rejecting the female identity but I don't think so I am comfortable with who I am just not the connotations of that specific word and the fact it isnt even true that I am exclusively such.

I suppose these days I find Women more attractive anyway though but then there is the problem that most are straight, and even with lesbians they often do not like people who identify as bi.

And on top of that I don't really like exclusivity and I dont like being told I am not being commited or whatever.
Open relationships are a thing in the gay male community but less of a thing for lesbians.
Though some poly stuff I do see occasionally but I guess though more biwomen seem into it.

Friendship with benefits would be good or just a deep friendship not exclusive and that I think that would be better than a relationship because I dont like all that comes with that.

I know some bicurious/straightish women did experiment with such with their friends but I never had friends like that lol. I know it isn't important to have sex even like at all and I wouldn't mind just not having any.
But I feel so confused and how I feel like I am told I am supposed to be one way when I am not or supposed to do certain things that I don't want or feel conflicted about it. I feel like I spent a lot of time being different left out of conversations because they didnt interest me and I dont really care about romance just prefer to be friends with people tho I guess u cant be in every conversation. Just seemed like a lot of things that I couldnt talk about.

independent_

Hey,

It can take a looong time to figure out your sexuality, and you don’t have to label yourself straight away. Don’t think of it in terms of a label for now. You don’t have to fit into one specific one.

Sexuality is a spectrum - just because, for example, you identify as bi doesn’t mean you have 50% attraction to guys and 50% attraction to girls. It’s more complex than that - some people are attracted to women more, some people are attracted to men more, some people experience different types of attraction for different genders. So for example you might be sexually attracted to women but romantically attracted to men.

Despite what some people might tell you, asexuality is also a spectrum - that feeling that you don’t need sex in your life might mean you fall somewhere on that spectrum too. Doesn’t mean you’re never sexually attracted to anyone, but you might only experience it in some circumstances if you know what I mean.

I identify as bi too, it is confusing figuring out where you’re at and what best describes you, but take the time to do that and don’t worry so much about the label itself

Take care

Former Member

Yeah true I guess the types of attraction and such vary too and all it's kinda hard to put a clear definition to anything I suppose at least for now.
Thanks and appreciated

Former Member

hey @tkdog, sexuality and finding your self identity can be hard. I completely understand that sometimes just the physical touch is enough, and its comforting and adds an element of safety, I am the same. Nothing beats a good cuddle! Do not feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do, if you are with the right person they will understand that and respect that. With regards to how you feel and identify inside, don't feel the pressure to have to fit into a certain category or box, don't think you need a specific label because I believe that love is love and you shouldn't have to explain or justify yourself. Do what makes you happy and be with someone who makes you happy! Social pressures can be hard and confusing in the LGBTQ+ community but be happy within yourself and trust in the process that things will work out and will happen when they are meant too. You seem a strong person, so keep your head up!