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New Relationship

Mumucookie02Mumucookie02 Posts: 12 Settling in
I've never really posted anything of my own here but here we go.

I just got into a new relationship with a guy who's never had any relationships before me and is indescribably sweet and loving. I broke up with my ex a year ago but we kept in touch until about 2 months ago which was because he decided he didn't want me around anymore.

Now I'm not really the rebound type. I'm pretty traditional and very serious when it comes to a relationship so I know I would never do something like this unless the guy meant that much to me (and YES he does!) I just wanted to get opinions on if it seems like I've rushed into something or if it's normal to have thoughts of your ex here and there.

I don't really have feelings for my ex anymore and haven't in a very long time, but I really feel guilty about any moment he pops up in my mind because my new boyfriend is so sweet and loving and I really don't want him to feel haunted by my past. I mean we've discussed my ex once or twice but mostly for context and I've honestly answered any questions my boyfriend had. I don't like bringing him up so. But I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me whether or not it's normal and if I should be worried!

Thank you <3


  • lovemimoonlovemimoon 🦋 Posts: 2,022 Boards Champion
    Hey Mumu~

    Sounds like you're really happy with your new boyfriend and I'm so happy for you! <3
    I jumped into a relationship I believe one or two months after I've reconnected with my previous ex so... :joy: Tbh, I've seen people jump into relationship after one week so ya good, in my opinion.

    I've only been in one relationship but from what I've seen; if you don't have any feelings for your ex then it's probably nothing more but passing thoughts. Maybe it's about the way you've left things between each other? Either way, you don't have any feelings for him, you're not in contact with him, so I believe it's just passing thoughts. It won't last long. <3
  • elpad_2002elpad_2002 Posts: 11 Settling in
    Hey @Mumucookie02

    Congratulations on finding a guy that's sweet and loving, today that's quite an achievement =) I pretty much second what @lovemimoon said. It's very difficult and frustrating when people pop into our heads and we can't understand why and I completely understand why that may make you feel guilty. But in my opinion if you don't have feelings for your ex then there is absolutely no need to feel guilty.

    Instead of trying to guess what it means that your ex is popping up and wondering if you should be worried, maybe try and ask yourselves questions that you do know the answer to. Is your new boyfriend important to you (from what you said I assume the answer is probably yes), do you still have feelings for your ex, does part of you wish to go back with your ex, is there something you still want to say to your ex? Reflecting on these answers may either explain why your ex is popping back into your head or it may reassure you that you are feeling all the right things, nothing is wrong and these are nothing more than passing thoughts.

    Sorry if this is confusing or unhelpful, but when I am in a situation like this and am confused by what something means, I just like to assess what I do know for certain and this often calms me down.

    Sending hugs!
  • AbbyOwlAbbyOwl North of Watford GapPosts: 122 The Mix Convert
    Hi @Mumucookie02

    It's lovely to hear that you've found a great guy and that you're happy in the new relationship <3

    I second what @elpad_2002 and @lovemimoon have said :) It's clear from your post that you care about your new boyfriend and have entered the relationship for the right reasons. I have seen people line up the next partner before ending their current relationship, and you are certainly not in that group!

    I think most people have times when their ex pops in their head, like when you're with someone new and they do something that reminds you of your ex. It's completely understandable why you feel guilty when you have these fleeting thoughts of your ex, but remember that these are temporary and carry no weight. From my friends' experiences, these thoughts tend to go away as the new relationship develops.

    You don't have feelings for him anyone and are committed to your new relationship, so I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about :blush:<3
  • Mumucookie02Mumucookie02 Posts: 12 Settling in
    Thank you so much guys that's so reassuring! Yes, I truly do love my new relationship and my boyfriend very much. It also wasn't something I was looking for so the fact that it happened is pretty nice on its own. I guess it's just how things ended so abruptly with my ex that causes me to think about it but they're passing thoughts and not really related to any feelings because I don't really feel anything for him anymore. So from everyone's responses, I'd say it's probably normal then. But thank you so much! <3
  • zaynab_5zaynab_5 Everyone's fave midget :) LondonPosts: 1,537 Extreme Poster
    Heyy @Mumucookie02 :)

    Firstly I want to say that I am really happy for you having a new boyfriend who is loving and sweet as that is what you deserve!
    I don't think you have rushed into something because if someone genuinely and deeply loves you, and you have the same feelings for him, then you should just go for it as opportunities like that are very rare. You never know he could be your soulmate, you could have a long term relationship and he could be able to always treat you right.
    Three years ago, I've got into another relationship almost a month after my first ex and I broke up, so don't worry it's normal in my view.
    Also it's normal that you are having thoughts of your ex because you probably shared good memories with him and loved him deeply with all your heart. It is not easy to forget someone. You won't get over someone you loved easily. Your ex always be a part of your memory because he was probably one of the most important people in your life as perhaps he was the only reason why you were happy. He won't get out of your head, memories can't leave the brain.
    Sometimes you might see your ex in your new boyfriend because you once loved your ex and he may resemble your ex and may say something your ex used to say. They are just thoughts which come to your head so it's completely normal!
    As you have mentioned that you don't have feelings for your ex anymore, you can now focus on your new relationship and build a new journey with him.

    I hope that you stay happy with your new boyfriend =)
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