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I think I've generally become heartless
awesomeminecraft6789
Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys it's been a while
I've calmed down a little but I'm still not talking to my ex the only way ive probably actually got by is pretending she doesn't exist anymore I've ranted a Lot about it on like social media and I got told by my ta that I'm hurting her feelings which of course I'd never want on anyone but idk it makes me feel better that she feels that way because after a breakup cause their hard ik that but sometimes it feels necssary to make them feel the way I feel and i usually feel bad about it but for some reason this time I don't i never would say that to her or my tas face of course but I think this bitterness I've been feeling after it is making me just not care anymore I think I've got a problem
Friends have tried to help me get over it but half the time I've either snapped at them or I've nearly broke down crying because they remind me of it and I tell them to stop I'm just not me anymore and I don't think I'll ever be me anymore because I've became so broken and bitter that how I was just isn't there anymore I try putting on an act in school so I don't completely snap at everyone because they way I'm heading I'm definitely getting there at snapping at people who don't deserve it I've also been snapping at my family they still don't know about what's going on people probably are already worried about me but I don't want anyone to worry about me I'm not even sure if a GP would be able to help or you guys but I need to reach out to someone I'm avoiding talking to my ex by pretending she's not there so I definitely am not talking to her my friends know but I don't wanna snap at them again or end up In a mentally worse shape then I'm already in I used to enjoy stuff like reading and video games and all that but I've found myself enjoying them less being with that person I had a reason to come In I had a good reason to actually talk to people if it had lasted longer than it did I would have a reason to go out I've just become mentally unstable I hardly talk to anyone anymore I'm always by myself ive become quieter when someone tells a joke I hardly laugh anymore I'm starting to fade away again probably for good this time
So why do I think I'm heartless? Because now I used to enjoy seeing couples being couples i cringed but it made me smile now ive just come to envy then if thats the right term for that word I've also come to care less when people tell me problems I've hardly slept since it happened I don't really eat unless prompted to even then it's just there on my mind I probably deserved the break up but it still hurts more then you guys know I cant explain it to anyone because anytime I do I just can't explain it the way I want to I'm just dead metaphorically speaking I think I have just died I've lost all that love I used to have for people no offense to you guys of course you all are great but i think I'm hurt to the point where I just straight up feel nothing the old me that was depressed but was happy and all that he's gone I think I've just become a shell of my former self 😢
I proper just wanna go but I can't I don't want my family to suffer what I'm going through after all now I'm just trying to fight for them it's getting incredibly hard I see a knife and I'm tempted to but I don't wanna risk inflicting anymore pain into myself then I already have😭
I'm stuck with whats left of me i feel like ive got no one I need someone 😭😭💔
I really hope this isn't my last post but I'm on the very end of my string 😭
If this is My last goodbye and thank you all for giving me a little hope that things might just get bettee but I just can't keep telling myself this !is cause I've tried everything nothing is working 😢
To the person who broke up with me and caused all of this I'm sorry I couldn't be enough for you I'm sorry I for ed you to be with me Ik you never felt the same i don't blame you I was a terrible boyfriend anyway you were right to do it to break my heart i deserve it I hope you find someone who loves you a hell of a lot more then i did 😭
Im sorry for being negative guys I I've just been going through hell and back im sorry if this triggers anybody you don't have to reply to this it would be nice if you did cause Im in critical need of someone to talk to the teachers and tas aren't any help and I don't wanna worry my family you guys are the only ones I have left that'll actually understand me 😭😭😭
I've calmed down a little but I'm still not talking to my ex the only way ive probably actually got by is pretending she doesn't exist anymore I've ranted a Lot about it on like social media and I got told by my ta that I'm hurting her feelings which of course I'd never want on anyone but idk it makes me feel better that she feels that way because after a breakup cause their hard ik that but sometimes it feels necssary to make them feel the way I feel and i usually feel bad about it but for some reason this time I don't i never would say that to her or my tas face of course but I think this bitterness I've been feeling after it is making me just not care anymore I think I've got a problem
Friends have tried to help me get over it but half the time I've either snapped at them or I've nearly broke down crying because they remind me of it and I tell them to stop I'm just not me anymore and I don't think I'll ever be me anymore because I've became so broken and bitter that how I was just isn't there anymore I try putting on an act in school so I don't completely snap at everyone because they way I'm heading I'm definitely getting there at snapping at people who don't deserve it I've also been snapping at my family they still don't know about what's going on people probably are already worried about me but I don't want anyone to worry about me I'm not even sure if a GP would be able to help or you guys but I need to reach out to someone I'm avoiding talking to my ex by pretending she's not there so I definitely am not talking to her my friends know but I don't wanna snap at them again or end up In a mentally worse shape then I'm already in I used to enjoy stuff like reading and video games and all that but I've found myself enjoying them less being with that person I had a reason to come In I had a good reason to actually talk to people if it had lasted longer than it did I would have a reason to go out I've just become mentally unstable I hardly talk to anyone anymore I'm always by myself ive become quieter when someone tells a joke I hardly laugh anymore I'm starting to fade away again probably for good this time
So why do I think I'm heartless? Because now I used to enjoy seeing couples being couples i cringed but it made me smile now ive just come to envy then if thats the right term for that word I've also come to care less when people tell me problems I've hardly slept since it happened I don't really eat unless prompted to even then it's just there on my mind I probably deserved the break up but it still hurts more then you guys know I cant explain it to anyone because anytime I do I just can't explain it the way I want to I'm just dead metaphorically speaking I think I have just died I've lost all that love I used to have for people no offense to you guys of course you all are great but i think I'm hurt to the point where I just straight up feel nothing the old me that was depressed but was happy and all that he's gone I think I've just become a shell of my former self 😢
I proper just wanna go but I can't I don't want my family to suffer what I'm going through after all now I'm just trying to fight for them it's getting incredibly hard I see a knife and I'm tempted to but I don't wanna risk inflicting anymore pain into myself then I already have😭
I'm stuck with whats left of me i feel like ive got no one I need someone 😭😭💔
I really hope this isn't my last post but I'm on the very end of my string 😭
If this is My last goodbye and thank you all for giving me a little hope that things might just get bettee but I just can't keep telling myself this !is cause I've tried everything nothing is working 😢
To the person who broke up with me and caused all of this I'm sorry I couldn't be enough for you I'm sorry I for ed you to be with me Ik you never felt the same i don't blame you I was a terrible boyfriend anyway you were right to do it to break my heart i deserve it I hope you find someone who loves you a hell of a lot more then i did 😭
Im sorry for being negative guys I I've just been going through hell and back im sorry if this triggers anybody you don't have to reply to this it would be nice if you did cause Im in critical need of someone to talk to the teachers and tas aren't any help and I don't wanna worry my family you guys are the only ones I have left that'll actually understand me 😭😭😭
2
Comments
From your post, I gather you feel heartless because you feel that you don't care when others tell you their problems. It can be hard to care about what others are going through, especially when we are feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin.
One of the phrases I try keep in mind is that "you can't pour from an empty cup." What that means, it is it impossible for us to care about others if we don't take care of ourselves. If we are overwhelmed, depressed, or have a lot on our plate it can be hard to empathise with what others are going through. It's natural to focus on how you are feeling, rather than what others are going through, if you are depressed and overwhelmed. That doesn't neccessarily mean you are heartless, but that your emotional cup is empty. This is just my opinion, but I think the term heartless implies some sort of permance and that it will be with you forever. I know it might not seem like it right now, but just because you feel this way today, or tomorrow, or in a week or even a month, does not mean that you will feel like this forever.
You've done really well in posting here and explaining how you are feeling. I'm glad you feel that the people at The Mix understand you, and I'd really encourage you to keep reaching out for support when you need it
I completely understand not wanting to talk about how you are feeling with your teachers and TA's. It can be really difficullt to open up to people, especially if we know them! I know you mentioned that you don't want to worry your family, but would you consider talking to them about how you are feeling? Or perhaps, if you are not comfortable with that, would you feel okay approaching your GP? They can send you in the direction of other proffesionals you can talk too about how you are feeling.
Let me know how you are doing next time you are on the Boards! I'll keep an eye out for your reply @awesomeminecraft6789
Sorry this ls a late reply but thank vou for saying that Im really down at the moment and i Keep getting encouraged to smile and to be strong but I think that's just making it worse but that did make me smile a little bit Im not sure about my GP since I haven't really been to the doctor's In a while even then I guess I'm just not comfortable in those kinds of social situations even though their there to help about my family I just don't know because this isn't the first time this relationship has ended and ive felt exactly the same but to a lesser extent I'm not sure what makes this one worse but it just feels worse i will be sure to keep you posted though!