If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Damaged goods?
Former Member
Posts: 6 Confirmed not a robot
Hello
I am 22 years old and am scared no one will ever love me.
When I was 16 years old my mother told me to get married to someone I didn't like and I did not want to as I had a boyfriend and wanted to go to university. I remember being in my final year at college and having to hide the fact that I was applying to go to university from my own mum. She continued to talk about me getting married to this older man even though I said I did not want to.
When I was 17 I remember wanting to run away but instead went to my boyfriend. I thought I would be safe with him and wanted him to know about my situation. I was so upset I cried most of that night and it ended up with him sexually assaulting me and then later raping me.
At first, I couldn't believe what had happened and was confused about it. I eventually managed to tell the police but it was never taken seriously. I was told by the officer taking my statement that it sounds like I wanted it. To make things worse my mum told me that I deserved it and that no one was going to want to be with me now.
I never had any support and it was horrible for me to deal with it alone. My way of coping with what had happened to me was to meet random men and have sex. I sometimes don't know why I did that. I didn't do this for long and my life eventually got better and I started to feel like I was normal.
Until recently, in August I was sexually assaulted. I originally ignored it but I couldn't do it for long this time and my thoughts and memories are becoming confusing and I feel like I am going mad sometimes as I see and feel bits and pieces from both incidents but can not remember certain details.
The worse thing about this recent incident is I have become scared of people touching me. Sometimes being around people just annoys/irritates me.
I am so scared I might never ever be able to experience being in a loving relationship and If I do how do I tell that person what I have been through.
Tagged:
1
Comments
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of your experiences and the way that you have been treated thereafter. Nobody ever deserves to go through something like that, and the response is just heartbreaking.
I want you to know that I am so very proud of you for speaking out about it here. This is a safe space where your experiences will be responded with compassion, support and empowerment. Anything that people said to you, your mum and the police, is simply not true. You did not deserve or want any of this at all. This was NOT your fault. The only thing that you deserve in this situation is love, care and support
I'm wondering, have you received any support since August? I understand the police weren't helpful before, and so this could certainly make it tricky to speak out. However, there are people that are trained to support people with experiences like this.
The NHS list some helpful support services here. They may be able to help you with coping with the thoughts, building your confidence and self-esteem, and eventually supporting you in having conversations about your experiences with a future partner. You are so worthy of love. You are not alone
First of all I am so sorry to hear about what you have gone through, this must have been a terrible experience for you and I can't imagine what that put you through
Best wishes always
First off, I'm sorry you went through such a horrific experience. I agree with @ben2607 - there's a journey where we process our emotions which will eventually lead us to better positions in our lives, develop stronger relationships and much more!
As someone who's been through a similar situation, I can relate a lot to what you're saying. To have someone you've put your trust in go out of their way to hurt you in such a manner is extremely distressing. And this is a huge understatement.
What your mum said is completely untrue - You don't deserve any of this. At all. The idea of someone not wanting you just because you went through a horrific experience is completely twisted. There are going to be people out there that will care and support you regardless of what you've been through (The Mix family is an example!) cos you are much more than 'damaged goods.' You're a courageous, amazing person that continues to strive!
In terms of the police officer, that was extremely insensitive for him to say that. And stupid. At the end of the day, you said no. You didn't consent to this. There is no 'reading between the lines' bullcrap, no 'buts' or 'ifs'.
Relationships are a hurdle. You'll meet people. Some may come and go, some may stay. Sometimes it'll work, sometimes it's quite the opposite. You'll be in a loving relationship, there's no doubt in that.