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Growing up
awesomeminecraft6789
Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys
I thought I'd tell you all I'm doing great I'm still here despite the on and off again depression cycle I'm going through at the minute but there's a few things I wanna clear off my chest
So first week of school went surprisingly well but idk what was wrong with me either the week after or the week after after Im not sure one of the days I wasn't myself the teachers didn't seem to care nor the tas so for the whole day I think I actually died not literally but metaphorically I was that bad is that a sign of worsening depression? It really scared me
Also last week I've got glasses which I'm supposed to wear but don't at home or in school even though I'm supposed to for like reading and work close up but I never do and then my TA cause we had a meeting with my mom about how I'm doing and Thursday my TA said let's give it a test run because she consulted me about it my low self esteem got the better of me and I kept saying I don't know I don't know because as I've mentioned before I got bullied badly at my old school and that's why I have so much anxiety problems because I just can't and I thought they'd all laugh at me because you know it's new to them and to me seeing me wearing them and I literally almost broke down in tears that's how bad it was I really hated wearing them even though it's good for me what do you guys think is there something wrong with me I'm really scared I've said it before Ik but I'm really scared this time that I'm going to end up doing something to myself cause if what happened probably like idk two weeks ago at this point happens again I think that's gonna be It for me 😢
Also I'm still not sure if I'm doing this dating thing right I consulted my friend about it and he said I am is this normal to feel this way in a relationship or is it just me? I was so confident when we started that I never expected me to be this way because I've had a crush on this girl since I first met her and then my ex comes along and I hadn't spoken to her since February of last year and she was like and keep in mind I was minding my own business heck I didn't do nothing to her and she comes up to me whilst we were setting up halloween decorations and said to me and I quote oh your not talking to me what a shame and I kept saying because we broke up and then she was like oh well that's not really a reason to be ignoring me Is it and ok maybe it isn't but at this point can you blame me after what she's been doing? I told my TA about it and she said she'd talk to her ta and I was like ok and left it at that and then what happens? She comes back talking nonsense and idek how she knew who I was with unless one of my friends told her and then she said I'm with this person who i dated once and I guess since she's my friend and I'm usually hanging out with her half the time not so much now but yeah and then she kept doing it and doing it and we got into an argument pretty childish considering were both and I repeat both taken now it doesn't make sense does it? You'd think with a new bf she'd leave me alone right? Nope .
And then we were arguing so much that I almost literally snapped at her thankfully the dinner ladies stopped us before I could but she's really pushing me to my limits I get it I broke up with you buy why destroy my feelings in order to do it what do you think guys? Is it my fault for breaking up with her or is it hers? Please be nice with your responses as I am very sensitive and get upset easily
So I what your thinking why has he called this one growing up? Well because I think all these experiences the relationships the exes and all that have taught me to grow up it's hard but we've all gotta do it at some point
Sorry this is a long one guys in just so confused at the moment 😔
I thought I'd tell you all I'm doing great I'm still here despite the on and off again depression cycle I'm going through at the minute but there's a few things I wanna clear off my chest
So first week of school went surprisingly well but idk what was wrong with me either the week after or the week after after Im not sure one of the days I wasn't myself the teachers didn't seem to care nor the tas so for the whole day I think I actually died not literally but metaphorically I was that bad is that a sign of worsening depression? It really scared me
Also last week I've got glasses which I'm supposed to wear but don't at home or in school even though I'm supposed to for like reading and work close up but I never do and then my TA cause we had a meeting with my mom about how I'm doing and Thursday my TA said let's give it a test run because she consulted me about it my low self esteem got the better of me and I kept saying I don't know I don't know because as I've mentioned before I got bullied badly at my old school and that's why I have so much anxiety problems because I just can't and I thought they'd all laugh at me because you know it's new to them and to me seeing me wearing them and I literally almost broke down in tears that's how bad it was I really hated wearing them even though it's good for me what do you guys think is there something wrong with me I'm really scared I've said it before Ik but I'm really scared this time that I'm going to end up doing something to myself cause if what happened probably like idk two weeks ago at this point happens again I think that's gonna be It for me 😢
Also I'm still not sure if I'm doing this dating thing right I consulted my friend about it and he said I am is this normal to feel this way in a relationship or is it just me? I was so confident when we started that I never expected me to be this way because I've had a crush on this girl since I first met her and then my ex comes along and I hadn't spoken to her since February of last year and she was like and keep in mind I was minding my own business heck I didn't do nothing to her and she comes up to me whilst we were setting up halloween decorations and said to me and I quote oh your not talking to me what a shame and I kept saying because we broke up and then she was like oh well that's not really a reason to be ignoring me Is it and ok maybe it isn't but at this point can you blame me after what she's been doing? I told my TA about it and she said she'd talk to her ta and I was like ok and left it at that and then what happens? She comes back talking nonsense and idek how she knew who I was with unless one of my friends told her and then she said I'm with this person who i dated once and I guess since she's my friend and I'm usually hanging out with her half the time not so much now but yeah and then she kept doing it and doing it and we got into an argument pretty childish considering were both and I repeat both taken now it doesn't make sense does it? You'd think with a new bf she'd leave me alone right? Nope .
And then we were arguing so much that I almost literally snapped at her thankfully the dinner ladies stopped us before I could but she's really pushing me to my limits I get it I broke up with you buy why destroy my feelings in order to do it what do you think guys? Is it my fault for breaking up with her or is it hers? Please be nice with your responses as I am very sensitive and get upset easily
So I what your thinking why has he called this one growing up? Well because I think all these experiences the relationships the exes and all that have taught me to grow up it's hard but we've all gotta do it at some point
Sorry this is a long one guys in just so confused at the moment 😔
2
Comments
Thanks so much for giving us an update on what's going on for you. I'm so glad to hear that you're doing great.
It's so good to hear that the first week of school went well. I was expecting my week to go badly but it went well too!
Really sorry to see that one of the days you weren't feeling like yourself though and that you were feeling like you had died, what is that feeling like? I'm not sure whether or not its a sign of worsening depression but I can hear why it might have been scary for you.If you were concerned, is there anyone in your life you could talk to about your feelings like your parents or GP?
I'm also sorry to hear that your glasses have been causing you so much bother. I need glasses too because I can only see things close up and like you, I was a little concerned about folk laughing at me because it was all new. I wouldn't say that there is anything wrong with you at all pal, It's scary to try new things, especially when you don't know what peoples reactions are going to be. I didn't get laughed at for wearing glasses though despite my concerns. I don't wear them anymore because i lost them but If i were to get a new pair i'd wear them for school. Perhaps you could take your glasses to school and wear them for short periods like during lunch time or put them on during class when you're around teachers? Alternatively, you could possibly get contact lenses instead?
It sounds like this is a massive concern for you. We all want you to feel safe. Have you managed to talk to mum about how heavy things are feeling for you? You shouldn't have to deal with this alone pal.
I don't have much advice re: dating but i'm really glad that you felt able to talk to your friend about it and that they were able to reassure you a little. I don't blame you at all for not talking to your ex and I think that she is acting strangely to keep approaching you and asking you why you're not chatting, you'd think the reason is pretty obvious. It sounds to me like she is trying to get a reaction out of you. It's positive that you felt able to tell your TA about it. If i was in your situation i'd probably just ask her to stop talking to me. It's perhaps best to say really calm and not give her the reaction that she's clearly pushing for. You're doing the right thing here though. She's in the wrong.
I guess sometimes relationships just don't work out, it's not necessarily anyones fault. She should definitely be leaving you alone now though as you've made it clear you don't want to stay in touch. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
A positive is that you're using these experiences to help you grow, however negative they may be. Good on you for that
No need to apologise for the long post, it's great that you're able to get all of this off your chest.
How are you doing now? We're always here to listen to any of your thoughts
Hi Liam thanks for asking I'm not sure what it felt like but have you ever heard of like I'm not sure how to describe it but it's like your body being there but your not like speaking or really doing anything that's what it was like I generally felt nothing that day idk what happened I just felt nothing
I haven't talked to my mom about it I probably should but I'm not sure how id start there's too much and it's hard to figure out where to begin and what's a GP sorry I'm not quite sure what that is so I thought I'd ask
I'm feeling ok but so we had a fire drill today and I saw my ex talking to a friend and then looking up and pointing at me so I figured she was talking about me but then her other friend said she was and that really ticked me off honestly what's she's doing is really starting to scare me what should I do?
I'm really sorry to hear that you felt nothing for the whole day. Can you remember if there was anything that may have triggered it for you? I can understand why you're feeling scared, it mustn't have been very pleasant.
Talking to people about your mental health can be difficult. There's a great wee article here .. It's basically a guide on how to talk about what's going on for you. I just read it through and it looks really useful. How do you feel about talking to mam about your mental health? It might be handy for her to know that things are feeling heavy at times.
A GP is a general practitioner, basically your doctor..
I'm really sorry to hear whats going on with your ex. How weird for her to not just leave you alone
Keep us updated, we're always here for you
Hi Liam
I'm not quite sure what triggered it I think it was all of of what I felt coming back to me all at once if that makes sense for the past how long has been since October now? 4 months I think I've been trying to get rid of these feelings and I did so I think hiding all of how I felt pushed it out and my friends and gf have told me to just forget her considering I'm With someone else now but since I'm a person who always thinks of the negatives rather then then positives
And I did try to talk to my teacher but since I don't think she knows that I'm with someone so it was kind of hard to tell her things which my ta knew cause you see the problem with me Is that I have really bad trust issues so I most probably would have left it to the last second when I was really you know depressed had I not told my ta and even then I'm not sure if would have been enough to cheer me up
I haven't told my GP for the same reason I haven't told my mom tbh because I wouldn't know where to start even like for example writing a letter I wouldn't know where to start considering it's become a massive thing now pretty much and I don't have my GPs phone number considering I dont have a phone and my mom usually makes the appointments
I do agree with you that what she's doing isn't cool and I have tried a lot of things on what you guys have said and what other people have said but as much as I've tried she gets in my head to the point where as you've seen in my previous discussions that it ticks me off and it shouldn't but she's honestly starting to scare me I've heard stories before about crazy exes and Thats pretty much where she's going and Ive heard aboutwhat happens to most of them and I don't wanna end up like that that's what I'm most scared of happening in the future
I will be sure to keep you guys posted I really could use some counseling because I think I'm starting to break under the pressure I'll be honest in the past I have considered self harm when things have gotten bad but this is making me consider that even more it's probably going to happen I have remained strong for those I care about but there's only so much I can take do you know what I mean?
I'm really sorry to hear that you had to experience that feeling of numbness all day. It sounds like you have so much to deal with right now. You're doing the right thing by sharing here though. We're all right here with you and will help out as much as we can. It's important to remember that you're not alone.
It sounds like a lot of what you're feeling is from being bullied at your old school and also from your ex. I can understand why you're feeling so frightened re: the situation with the ex. If you are worried though, you do have every right to report her to whoever can help sort the situation. Your teachers, your parents or even the police. She really should be leaving you alone and not leaving you to live your life in fear. You shouldn't have to put up with this behaviour.
Could you perhaps keep telling the teachers? If one teacher doesn't seem to help, tell another? It's important that they know what's going on so that they can help you. It might be worth telling them how it's making you feel too.
I hear you when you say that you don't know where to start with telling mom. Could you perhaps try and bullet point some of the main things you'd like to talk about? You could write them down and hand them over to her and I guess a conversation will naturally start from that? I think getting started with talking to someone is the hardest part but once you're going, it should be a little easier. I do think you'd benefit from letting mom know pal.
You are incredibly strong. Even talking here to us shows your strength. We all have our snapping points though and it sounds like you're dealing with an awful lot right now, i can hear why you feel like you're heading towards yours.
Keep being strong and keep talking.
We've got your back
You've got our support
Hi Hannah
Thank you for asking but things aren't really going well unfortunately we broke up two days ago and we'll... Let's just say one thing led to another and I ended up having to spend last night in hospital I'm back home now so I guess I should be grateful to still be here but idk anymore you know?
No worries we are always here to see how you are!
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. If you would like to, feel free to talk some more about everything that's going on and we may be able to help you feel much better.
Please remember that regardless of how bad situations may seem right now, and whatever emotions you may be going through, you are stronger than you think you are and things can and will improve.
All the best
Hi Hannah
Thanks for that I appreciate it I really really could use someone to talk to m really really not feeling good at the minute I'll be sure to keep you guys posted soon if things change!