CAMHS/social work/school files

Former Member

**I'm not sure if there are any trigger warnings needed but I guess just read with caution in case anything is triggering**

Tbh I'm not really sure where I want to start. Usually I'd opt to spread positivity but recently it's just felt draining. Even getting the energy to reach out has been difficult.

As some of you will know, I took a bit of a break from the Mix. Tbh I found it somewhat helpful but I did find myself coming on and reading through some posts.

Anyway I got my school files and my CAMHS files, I also had a call with the manager of my old social work department.

Tbh it's all just really frustrated me more. Everything points towards me being the issue. My mum was always focussed on more than I was. It was always "how can we help the mother" even to the extent of them excusing abuse.

Found out today that social work lied to CAMHS and told them that the house conditions had improved, my mum's mental health had improved and FAILED to mention the fact that I'd been removed from her care. CAMHS subsequently closed the case and I never saw them again.

I'm waiting for proper answers from social work regarding their failings but my god it's just pissed me right the fuck off.

And every time I try to talk about it to my bfs mum (who I live with), the other girl in the house comes in and takes over the conversation with her sob story and her needs. Literally go away.

My CAMHS files talk a lot about me pulling my hair out, being bullied, mood swings and unmanageable behaviour yet they dialed to explore why this was.

It's noted that when I was 11 I'd texted my gran asking to move in with her and ban my mum from ever seeing me again. I'm sorry but if that's not a cry for help then I don't know what is.

It's noted that I often made my mum feel like I didn't love her and that I felt unwanted.

They said I was clingy and wanted to always be in charge.

Honestly I'm made out to be such a horrible person and it's constantly noted that I would throw hard things at my mum, failing to mention that she threw things back.

It notes that we shared a bed when I was 11 and that was seen as fine.

I was clearly hurting and yet I had the case closed three times.

I was always just the problem child and no one ever cared enough to help me. All my files focus more on my mum than me and it's just so frustrating.

I mean I was being bullied and it was noted that the other girl in my friendship group was refusing to let me play with my best friend, yet I'm the one with the issue of not sharing??

Apparently I was jealous of my dog because I wanted to spend time with my mum without my dog there occasionally. Logics 🤦🏻‍♀️

It is noted that I was reluctant to talk in sessions yet always wanted to have more sessions. Maybe they should've tried talking to me without my mum in the room?

There was missed appointments with CAMHS as well.

I'm just really not sure what to make of it all. There's more but this is just off the top of my head.

It's just so much to take in at once.

I think it'll take a few readings and some time to process, but I'll admit I did cry when reading them. Something I don't do a lot tbh.

I'm just wondering if it's been stupid to bring everything up and not just leave it in the past. It's left me feeling very down and vulnerable and almost back in the moment.

Idk what I want from this post but maybe just some thoughts or suggestions would be awesome

Former Member

I'm not really sure what to do.

Social work have told CAMHS things that aren't even in my social work files. It's clearly negligence and it's stressing me out tbh.

Former Member

@Anch0r33 Hi ❤️ I can see that your having a really hard time with things right now. I’m so sorry that you think your the problem child. You must feel really overwhelmed with all of this I haven’t got any advice for you because I haven’t been in the situation but I just wanted to let you know that you are never alone with any of this we are all here for you any time whenever you need to talk.
Big hugs ❤️🥰
I hope things get better soon I have faith in you fingers crossed 🤞
Alina

Former Member

Thank you @Emoji246 it's so lovely to know I'm not alone ❤️ I think I'm just confused and trying to process everything and it just feels like a lot.

Everything just excuses the abuse that happened to me and I just don't understand how they can get away with it. I know I'm not the only person this will happen with but it just feels so draining.

Thanks again

Former Member

@Anch0r33 if you ever need to talk dm me ❤️

Former Member

Guess I just want to bump this in case anyone has any advice for me. Still struggling with this.

Former Member

That must've been really difficult to read @Anch0r33. It’s good to let yourself feel things in the moment and It is really positive that you reached out as this might be able to help someone else in a similar situation to feel less isolated.

It must be so hard to receive information like that, I can see how being treated that way as a child would make you feel angry and frustrated. Especially considering you were vulnerable and your social worker is supposed to protect you.

It sounds like a lot of information that you’re dealing with at once. I don’t think its stupid to want to know and you will process it however you need to. Is there someone you feel you could open up to about this? It might help to have some physical support and to go through this vulnerable time with you.

Whenever memories are brought up from the past, it really helps me to find something that reminds me that the past is the past and I am living a different life now. For example I find solace in talking to my friends and thinking about recent memories that were fun or relaxing.

You’re extremely brave and you’re not defined by your past. Stay strong we are here for you

Former Member

Thanks for this @Past User

Tbh I'm not sure. That's why I came on here, it's not something I really wanna talk about in person with anyone.

I'm still waiting to hear back from the social worker. Been ages now.

Thanks again

Former Member

Well I'm still waiting to hear back from social work but I keep finding myself thinking about the what ifs and the should've beens.

Felt totally isolated and as if no one understands

Past User

Hey hey @Anch0r33 ,

I know that this is quite an old thread but I hope you don't mind me commenting considering you gave us a wee update just there.

Firstly, I'd just like to say that I'm SO glad you used this space to talk about what's been going on for you. How did you feel after sharing all that you did? We are all here for you and even if we don't fully understand we can surely try our best to hear you out and listen to what's going on for you. Sometimes that can help a lot, just knowing that someone has heard that you're hurting.

You don't always have to spread positivity. I saw a wee quote that I liked and have shared a few times with my pals, it's "A positive only battery doesn't work" and it's so true and true with us humans too. We can't always be positive, it's just not possible. It's natural to have bad days, weeks, months. I also think that even though what you're sharing perhaps isn't positive the fact that you're sharing it IS because it's getting things off of your chest and you're allowing us to help carry some of that weight, you know? You don't have to go through this alone

Glad you found taking a break from The Mix helpful, I did the same and came back with a fresh head. Sometimes taking a break from things is healthy. I took a break from social media too and that was really refreshing.

I'm really sorry to hear that receiving your school and CAMHS files was disappointing for you. I can really hear why you found it frustrating. It sounds like you have been so let down by the adults in your life and that sucks so much. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that pal, I really am

I really think that if you're wanting to look back into the past then you have every right to do that and it's absolutely NOT stupid to bring it all back up. Even though it's super painful for you, I can understand why you perhaps want to know what went on when you were younger, it'd be natural to be curious.

It sounds like everyone failed you and made it sound like you were the problem. I don't think that this is possible though, pal. You were a child, you were vulnerable and your actions were clearly a cry for help. I've seen the pictures of the house your mam had you in and they certainly were not liveable conditions for an adult, let alone a child. Social services neglected you there and that is awful, you deserved SO much better.

I think your experiences have shaped you into the incredible person you are today and I know that doesn't take back what happened and doesn't make it OK either. We can't take back the past though, however rubbish it maybe. I'm on the journey right now of trying to accept what happened in my past. It's helping me to have counselling to talk about what happened and to further understand the situations I were in. Perhaps you could do the same? I know you had a bad experience with counselling for children but the adults services might be better?

I hear that it's a lot for you to take in at once. I think it'll be good for you to read chunks at a time, if you're wanting to go through it all.

I really like what @Past User said about noticing how different their life is now from what it used to be. That could perhaps help you to reflect on that? I mean, things are so much different for you now, right? You're in your new wee place with your partner and your pets have their own room, you've a job and a great pals. You are doing amazingly, despite the rocky start in life and I am SO proud of you for it.


What would you like to see happen pal?

Always here for you, sending the biggest hug ever.