Home› Home, Law & Money
Ask our experts anything related to self harm recovery! We are joined by a skin camouflage expert who can give you ideas of how to use make up to cover your scars and also an expert with lived experience of how to learn to love your scars. add your questions to this thread or send them to us anonymously here

CAMHS/social work/school files

Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 848 Part of The Mix Family
edited February 17 in Home, Law & Money
**I'm not sure if there are any trigger warnings needed but I guess just read with caution in case anything is triggering**

Tbh I'm not really sure where I want to start. Usually I'd opt to spread positivity but recently it's just felt draining. Even getting the energy to reach out has been difficult.

As some of you will know, I took a bit of a break from the Mix. Tbh I found it somewhat helpful but I did find myself coming on and reading through some posts.

Anyway I got my school files and my CAMHS files, I also had a call with the manager of my old social work department.

Tbh it's all just really frustrated me more. Everything points towards me being the issue. My mum was always focussed on more than I was. It was always "how can we help the mother" even to the extent of them excusing abuse.

Found out today that social work lied to CAMHS and told them that the house conditions had improved, my mum's mental health had improved and FAILED to mention the fact that I'd been removed from her care. CAMHS subsequently closed the case and I never saw them again.

I'm waiting for proper answers from social work regarding their failings but my god it's just pissed me right the fuck off.

And every time I try to talk about it to my bfs mum (who I live with), the other girl in the house comes in and takes over the conversation with her sob story and her needs. Literally go away.

My CAMHS files talk a lot about me pulling my hair out, being bullied, mood swings and unmanageable behaviour yet they dialed to explore why this was.

It's noted that when I was 11 I'd texted my gran asking to move in with her and ban my mum from ever seeing me again. I'm sorry but if that's not a cry for help then I don't know what is.

It's noted that I often made my mum feel like I didn't love her and that I felt unwanted.

They said I was clingy and wanted to always be in charge.

Honestly I'm made out to be such a horrible person and it's constantly noted that I would throw hard things at my mum, failing to mention that she threw things back.

It notes that we shared a bed when I was 11 and that was seen as fine.

I was clearly hurting and yet I had the case closed three times.

I was always just the problem child and no one ever cared enough to help me. All my files focus more on my mum than me and it's just so frustrating.

I mean I was being bullied and it was noted that the other girl in my friendship group was refusing to let me play with my best friend, yet I'm the one with the issue of not sharing??

Apparently I was jealous of my dog because I wanted to spend time with my mum without my dog there occasionally. Logics 🤦🏻‍♀️

It is noted that I was reluctant to talk in sessions yet always wanted to have more sessions. Maybe they should've tried talking to me without my mum in the room?

There was missed appointments with CAMHS as well.

I'm just really not sure what to make of it all. There's more but this is just off the top of my head.

It's just so much to take in at once.

I think it'll take a few readings and some time to process, but I'll admit I did cry when reading them. Something I don't do a lot tbh.

I'm just wondering if it's been stupid to bring everything up and not just leave it in the past. It's left me feeling very down and vulnerable and almost back in the moment.

Idk what I want from this post but maybe just some thoughts or suggestions would be awesome :)
👁️👄👁️
Emoji246LorryTruck

Comments

  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 848 Part of The Mix Family
    I'm not really sure what to do.

    Social work have told CAMHS things that aren't even in my social work files. It's clearly negligence and it's stressing me out tbh.
    👁️👄👁️
    Emoji246
  • Emoji246Emoji246 Posts: 819 Part of The Mix Family
    @Anch0r33 Hi ❤️ I can see that your having a really hard time with things right now. I’m so sorry that you think your the problem child. You must feel really overwhelmed with all of this I haven’t got any advice for you because I haven’t been in the situation but I just wanted to let you know that you are never alone with any of this we are all here for you any time whenever you need to talk.
    Big hugs ❤️🥰
    I hope things get better soon I have faith in you fingers crossed 🤞
    Alina
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 848 Part of The Mix Family
    Thank you @Emoji246 it's so lovely to know I'm not alone ❤️ I think I'm just confused and trying to process everything and it just feels like a lot.

    Everything just excuses the abuse that happened to me and I just don't understand how they can get away with it. I know I'm not the only person this will happen with but it just feels so draining.

    Thanks again <3
    👁️👄👁️
    Emoji246
  • Emoji246Emoji246 Posts: 819 Part of The Mix Family
    @Anch0r33 if you ever need to talk dm me ❤️
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 848 Part of The Mix Family
    Guess I just want to bump this in case anyone has any advice for me. Still struggling with this.
    👁️👄👁️
    Emoji246
  • natalie_bnatalie_b Posts: 15 Moderator
    That must've been really difficult to read @Anch0r33. It’s good to let yourself feel things in the moment and It is really positive that you reached out as this might be able to help someone else in a similar situation to feel less isolated.

    It must be so hard to receive information like that, I can see how being treated that way as a child would make you feel angry and frustrated. Especially considering you were vulnerable and your social worker is supposed to protect you.

    It sounds like a lot of information that you’re dealing with at once. I don’t think its stupid to want to know and you will process it however you need to. Is there someone you feel you could open up to about this? It might help to have some physical support and to go through this vulnerable time with you.

    Whenever memories are brought up from the past, it really helps me to find something that reminds me that the past is the past and I am living a different life now. For example I find solace in talking to my friends and thinking about recent memories that were fun or relaxing.

    You’re extremely brave and you’re not defined by your past. Stay strong we are here for you <3
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 848 Part of The Mix Family
    Thanks for this @natalie_b

    Tbh I'm not sure. That's why I came on here, it's not something I really wanna talk about in person with anyone.

    I'm still waiting to hear back from the social worker. Been ages now.

    Thanks again <3
    👁️👄👁️
Sign In or Register to comment.