Sexual abuse : Should i tell my parents?

Former Member

Hello, i'm Ari. I'm sorry if i have posted in the wrong section, please disregard this post if i have made a mistake. TIA x


I'm 21 years old and I have a jolly close relationship with my parents. My dad in particular. I have an elder sister and an elder brother whom i am close with and always have been. I have had a very merry life with a very loving and doting family. I am holding a secret from them though, it is a secret that does not affect me and one that i am comfortable to keep but if i were to share, I believe this would help my family to fathom why I act different to other people.

I was sexually abused. I believe I was 6, 7 or possibly 8 years old when this happened and my recollections of what happened is very much a blur. It happened at a caravan park which we would visit on a weekend. People were trusted, we knew everyone very well and children were allowed to wander off to explore because it was enclosed and it was safe. I loved going to the caravan, It would be me, mum, dad, my siblings, aunties, uncles, grandad and cousins. We all had different caravans, it was mostly a joyful time and i have very fond memories of our trips and adventures.

We were friendly with all families on the caravan park and we would go in and out of anyones caravan. It was a place built on trust and we copied what we witnessed other children do.

There was a man who would visit the park with his wife. His wife had been inviting me into the caravan for months and gave me crisps, sweets or biscuits. However, one time the husband invited me inside and I naively went in. I didn't know any better. I knew the man, he would often come and sit with us at the BBQ and i had met him on many occasions but I was sexually abused by him inside of his caravan and this happened on a further 2 occasions.

I was still rather young when we stopped going to the caravan park, we had to stop going because the field had been sold. I never saw the man again and despite my parents deciding not to, my aunties kept in touch with the abusers family and many other families who visited the park.

I have never talked about it, this is the first time i am admitting what happened. I don't feel like this was traumatic for me. After all, It was just touching and being forced to touch. It feels minor and I feel like i am behaving rather melodramatically. I'm told that i view the world in a very black & white way and so i do question whether this is the reason why I don't feel distressed to talk about the abuse or maybe there is a possibility that i am just thinking too much into what happened and i should disregard it. Especially if it does not bother me?

The reason i am questioning sharing is because I am not an affectionate person, I hate to be touched, hugged or kissed. My relationships have all failed because I am frigid and unable to show affection. I am now settled and content with the idea that i will be single forever. My parents make jokes about it, not in an attempt to upset me but in a jokey way but I am convinced that the reason I am the way that I am is because of the abuse.

The man who abused me passed away some years ago now. I remember my Auntie telling my dad about it and how distraught his wife was. The fact that he is now dead makes me feel more comfortable to talk about it because it can not be reported. I feel like i want to share this secret but i do not want to upset my dad or for him to blame himself.

So i'm left with the question of should i tell my parents or should i just accept that it happened and move on? I don't know why I want to share this with my parents or what I am hoping to gain from it. Maybe just a little understanding?

Many thanks for reading. Ari. xx

Former Member

Hey @Past User welcome to the mix it sounds like you are struggling whether to tell your parents or not. I would go with what you truly feel with what is right for you to do. I would pick a time when they aren’t busy and sit them down and tell them it dosent have to be both if you don’t want to but if you feel like you can’t then talk to someone else you feel comfortable talking to about these things like a friend always here for you big hugs ❤️🥰

Former Member

Hey @Past User,

I'm new myself here and I came across your post here.
I want to first say that you talking about it is extremely brave and you should be proud of yourself for that, it has taken time but it is likely that you have felt as if it has taken time to get it out, and it may feel like a little bit of relief for you.

It's great to hear that you are close to your parents that way, and it seems that it would be of comfort to you to talk to them about the way you are feeling, whether they are feelings from the present or the past.
I'd agree there with @Emoji246 where I feel that would be a good thing to do, and that is something that you may share when you feel most confident, and I feel it is the right thing to do. I think that talking to them would not only get it off your chest, but also may put the situation and past event more at rest, if that makes sense?

Picking a time, where your parents are going to be sitting there and aren't busy is a good time, and even if you are not an affectionate person, you were still at a young age where no one should be exposed to an inappropriate situation as that. It could be simple as saying 'Hey Mum and Dad, I know this is out of the blue, but I just wanted to talk to you about something that happened some time ago [...] it was so long ago, but I just wanted to get it off my chest to relieve my feelings a little and there is no one else I'd feel comfortable talking to besides you two'. If you're worried about feelings of blame in regards to your parents, you can definitely make it clear to them that it is by no means their fault, 'It was a very comfortable situation for everyone when we were younger at the caravans, and someone made a unfortunate situation despite being a trusted environment'.

This may be sharing to just get a sense of comfort really, right now, sometimes in order to 'move on' from something, or just to let something be, you sometimes need to talk about it, and it is likely you just want to gain some support from your parents about this - and that is okay! Maybe you won't get much from it besides a few hugs (if that is comfortable for you), and making sure that you are okay consistently - and that is okay, too.

I hope that this made sense so far, I hope you're doing okay.
If you choose to tell your parents I hope that goes well!
Sending hugs

Dancer

I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. The trauma of sexual abuse can have an impact on us weeks, months and even years later. What happened to you was completely wrong and it is understandable that it is something that still bothers you. It is really brave of you to talk to us about this and speaking up about abuse takes a lot of courage which is something that I see you have a lot of even if you struggle to believe it. We are here for you.