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I've lost hope completely

awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys

In my previous discussion I mentioned how im having problems with old friend and I was really upset and all that I still really am feeling down about it and I keep thinking it's my fault I'm constantly beating myself up about it and I think it's made my depression really go up I'm struggling more with self confidence and I literally almost had a a panic attack during a zoom lesson I'm falling behind on work because I'm really not in the best of places what's wrong with me? 😭

I really thought my depression was going down and now this has happened and it's gotten worse everyday I'm starting to believe what people have said about me in the past that I don't deserve to be here I'm an idiot and disabled which I am of course but still and I had my birthday two weeks ago and it died down there I was generally happy I'm sure my girlfriend would want to help but she's always busy now and I really don't wanna disturb her nd distract her from her work because she deserves to succeed more than I do I'm so down in the dumps that I haven't kept up to date with work and I literally almost had a panic attack during a maths zoom because I thought I would have to do it all in school I didn't have to cause apparently I was ahead of everyone else in maths work so I'm glad but I'm still behind on work on other subjects I don't know guys 'm really struggling right now 😢

I haven't told my family mainly because I'm too scared in what they'll say I probably will tell them eventually but I just can't right now and I can't talk to a counselor because I don't have one and I don't think I could because of my social anxiety this is the only place I feel like I can come clean and say what I want to because I could never do it face to face maybe thats why not a lot of people on social media like me either that or they think I'm ugly as I've been told many times before I keep thinking I've got an ugly heart because I lose everyone I care about friends and girlfriends I really don't wanna put her through this stress cause she don't deserve it I deserve it people say they care about me but I keep thinking in the back of my mind they don't because secretly they think what I keep thinking that I'm a waste of space dramatic, needy, clingy, and garbage they probably don't think that but because of how I am that's what I keep thinking

I'm feeling awful right now guys I really don't know what to do anymore I'm starting to lose complete hope and starting to lose my mind I really really need help right now guys 😢


  • natalie_bnatalie_b Posts: 45 Boards Initiate

    It sounds like a really tough time at the moment @awesomeminecraft6789. I’m sorry that people have hurt you in the past, sometimes words can really have a lasting affect! I am a full believer that it’s not just stick and stones that can hurt. Something that helps me is to treat myself like I would a friend, often we are much more harsh on ourselves than we would be on a friend or family member. It’s great that you are ahead in your maths, though I can imagine it must be difficult having lots of subjects to study. It seems like lots of students are in the same situation with work at the moment so that might be something to hold onto. 

    How do you think your family would react if you told them you are having a difficult time? Maybe they could give you some physical love and support that you need. I understand if you don't feel that way though and social anxiety can make any face to face interactions very scary. You are not alone, there are lots of people who want to help. If you feel you need outside help, at TheMix we have an online 1-2-1 chat service or a free telephone helpline with trained supporters who are happy to talk about anything you need. 

    Please don’t lose hope, you are worthy of support and love! Keep strong, you’re doing so well <3 

  • awesomeminecraft6789awesomeminecraft6789 Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
    Hi @natalie_b

    Yeah I think a bit of physical love from my family would do me some good I just don't know how to tell them cause even though their my family I feel like I need to hide it I don't know why I never really tell them them these things and then the joke ends up on me and I end up worse then I already am 😢
  • sailingswallowssailingswallows Posts: 68 Boards Initiate
    I would suggest to write a letter to your family is you want to tell them about how you are struggling.
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