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Ex Step dad that will not leave you alone
Former Member
Posts: 1 Just got here
Hi, I've only just joined a few days ago and thought I would see what this was like as I'm on a waiting list for therapy. Not really sure where to start but here it goes.
This is the back story of what happened growing up, its a bit long apologises.
I was 11 years old when a new man was welcomed into my home, this was the second one after my father.
At first he seemed decent took me to the shops to soften me up and I guess to win my approval. Few months go by and there was a slight change in his personality that grew and was enhanced by alcohol. He turned nasty and passive aggressive towards myself and manipulated my mum into doing everything he wanted without realising she was complying.
It started off slagging off my dad, telling me how could anyone love me, i was pathetic to think he will reach out and start a relationship with me. The passive aggression turned from one in a blue moon to everyday, I was constantly being told "You're Ugly, Fat, Not good enough, Just leave and don't come back., You're mother does too much for you, you will end up killing her one day hope you're happy".
Woke up everyday starting to believe these words being spoken to me was true, how can someone be so persistent in making someone feel so low if they wasn't speaking the truth.
There was a few cases where the hurtful words was not the only thing to cause pain, I started to experience physical pain. Been punched in my face a few times when nobody was looking, and when i did have a mark on my face, it was made to believe "I tripped over" or "it was an accident, just playing around".
Was waiting for my pot noodle to cool down at the dinner table, he was angry so he poured the hot pot noodle that has boiling water inside from the kettle over my leg. Suffered with 2 degree burns.
He was quite aggressive towards my mum, arguing in the living room and he got angry again, pulled my mums bracelet off of her wrist giving her burns from where he ripped it off her bare skin. threatened to smash the whole house including us.
Police did get involved at this point, the house key was taken from his possession however, we changed the locks just to be safe.
He didn't like the fact my mum took power back, so for at least 3 years he was passively stalking myself and mum. My mum works with extremely vulnerable adults in a day centre, loves her job. He posted through tablets through the door and an email stating it was him, how he is now going to die on his daughters grave, but at this point we found out he lied about having a dead child..
He has made multiple accounts pretending to be different people ranging from Young Women to Old men doesn't really matter to him i guess. Finally fought for a conjunction against him but only lasts for 3 years.
I've never been so scared of someone in my life and till this day i still am unfortunately i hate the fact he has this hold of pain and anger over me. If you know me personally, you will know I'm a the sunshine in the room but this man makes me feel so small, worthy of nothing.
*Problem*
I have social media accounts, as everyone does. however, last few years he has managed to try and talk to me through fake accounts, asking for indecent photos, stalking my accounts with his actual account. I block as soon as i see his name, i feel like he is still taunting me even now, this morning i have woken up to likes on my tiktok, got a bit excited and my heart sunk when i realised it was him liking them. he uses the same account name with everything, i was so happy this morning until i went on my phone. How many times can i block someone or report for them to leave me alone? Tired of feeling unsafe and looking over my shoulder when a new account or person tries to speak to me, thinking it could be him. After 7 years this man won't let go and makes me feel so anxious and just gets me down.
This has taken me a lot of deliberation in writing this but if i don't at least tell someone i think i will go crazy and I am a university student, that does not need the added stress. I'm not necessary asking for a solution but just some advice or guidance in moving forward from this "trauma" not really sure what to call it.
Hope everyone has a lovely day and keep pushing through.
This is the back story of what happened growing up, its a bit long apologises.
I was 11 years old when a new man was welcomed into my home, this was the second one after my father.
At first he seemed decent took me to the shops to soften me up and I guess to win my approval. Few months go by and there was a slight change in his personality that grew and was enhanced by alcohol. He turned nasty and passive aggressive towards myself and manipulated my mum into doing everything he wanted without realising she was complying.
It started off slagging off my dad, telling me how could anyone love me, i was pathetic to think he will reach out and start a relationship with me. The passive aggression turned from one in a blue moon to everyday, I was constantly being told "You're Ugly, Fat, Not good enough, Just leave and don't come back., You're mother does too much for you, you will end up killing her one day hope you're happy".
Woke up everyday starting to believe these words being spoken to me was true, how can someone be so persistent in making someone feel so low if they wasn't speaking the truth.
There was a few cases where the hurtful words was not the only thing to cause pain, I started to experience physical pain. Been punched in my face a few times when nobody was looking, and when i did have a mark on my face, it was made to believe "I tripped over" or "it was an accident, just playing around".
Was waiting for my pot noodle to cool down at the dinner table, he was angry so he poured the hot pot noodle that has boiling water inside from the kettle over my leg. Suffered with 2 degree burns.
He was quite aggressive towards my mum, arguing in the living room and he got angry again, pulled my mums bracelet off of her wrist giving her burns from where he ripped it off her bare skin. threatened to smash the whole house including us.
Police did get involved at this point, the house key was taken from his possession however, we changed the locks just to be safe.
He didn't like the fact my mum took power back, so for at least 3 years he was passively stalking myself and mum. My mum works with extremely vulnerable adults in a day centre, loves her job. He posted through tablets through the door and an email stating it was him, how he is now going to die on his daughters grave, but at this point we found out he lied about having a dead child..
He has made multiple accounts pretending to be different people ranging from Young Women to Old men doesn't really matter to him i guess. Finally fought for a conjunction against him but only lasts for 3 years.
I've never been so scared of someone in my life and till this day i still am unfortunately i hate the fact he has this hold of pain and anger over me. If you know me personally, you will know I'm a the sunshine in the room but this man makes me feel so small, worthy of nothing.
*Problem*
I have social media accounts, as everyone does. however, last few years he has managed to try and talk to me through fake accounts, asking for indecent photos, stalking my accounts with his actual account. I block as soon as i see his name, i feel like he is still taunting me even now, this morning i have woken up to likes on my tiktok, got a bit excited and my heart sunk when i realised it was him liking them. he uses the same account name with everything, i was so happy this morning until i went on my phone. How many times can i block someone or report for them to leave me alone? Tired of feeling unsafe and looking over my shoulder when a new account or person tries to speak to me, thinking it could be him. After 7 years this man won't let go and makes me feel so anxious and just gets me down.
This has taken me a lot of deliberation in writing this but if i don't at least tell someone i think i will go crazy and I am a university student, that does not need the added stress. I'm not necessary asking for a solution but just some advice or guidance in moving forward from this "trauma" not really sure what to call it.
Hope everyone has a lovely day and keep pushing through.
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Comments
Sounds like you're in a difficult and complicated situation, and you definitely don't deserve this. Especially, you don't need this on top of all the demands from your university too. I'm not going to pretend to have any answers, but there are a couple articles on the Mix that you might find useful...
There's one article about online grooming, with the 5 key takeaways being:
- Ask them to stop – tell them you don’t feel comfortable and don’t want to talk any more.
- Take some screenshots of conversations that worry you or make you feel uncomfortable.
- Block them.
- Tell someone you trust – most adults will be pleased you’ve opened up to them and happy to help you get out of a difficult situation.
- Report them to the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP).
And then another piece from someone who recovered from the trauma of abuse when they were young, which you may find relatable.Hopefully this helps but i'm sure the rest of the Mix community will also be able to help. Stay strong, you are not alone