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Family arguments in lockdown
Former Member
Posts: 1 Just got here
My sisters and I are still living at home (eldest 27 and me the youngest at 23) and lockdown has been really tense. My mum and eldest sister have been regularly getting into arguments and they feel like shouting matches. It makes the atmosphere in the house awful. We all individually suffer from depression and anxiety and although we are a very close family, we never normally share our feelings. When me and my other sister have issues with another family member we can normally let it go and move on. My eldest sister and mum cannot just walk away, they both think the other hates them and get very defensive. It’s been really effecting me and even caused me to self harm for the first time. Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to my other sister about it either because she doesn’t want to get involved with the drama but we are all involved. I also know that I am sometimes to blame for the arguments because I don’t do enough around the house (I’m a carer for our dad who also lives at home but because of lockdown there isn’t much I need to do with him throughout the day). My main fear is that one day my eldest sister and mum will stop talking completely and I will have to choose between them. I already feel like I have to choose between them because they both expect me to be on their ‘side.’ I feel so guilty sometimes. Anyway, probably none of this makes sense but I just needed to get some of it out because I haven’t been able to before. Also I’m new here so let me know if I’m not doing this correctly lol
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Comments
Welcome to the boards
It sounds like things are tough right now, with lots of tension and arguments within your family. And you are feeling guilty and worried that one day you will truly have to choose between them. Sending so much love your way
I understand that you don't really want to talk to your other sister about this if she doesn't want to get too involved. However, I'm wondering if you have any other extended family that you might feel comfortable talking to?
Alternatively, how do you think it would be to talk to your mum or eldest sister about about how everything is making you feel? It sounds like they are contributing to these feelings quite a lot, so it would be great for them to be involved in making positive change. I recognise that this could be a tricky conversation, so you might find it a little easier to text it to them at first. That way you can take some time to figure out what it is you'd like to say, and they can take time to consider their response and reaction.
You mentioned that it caused you to self-harm for the first time. We understand that this can be used as a way of coping. At the same time, we care about you and your safety a lot. So, I'm wondering if you might like to read through The Mix's advice article. This shares many ideas for coping tips and distractions, as well as some safety tips for if you are going to harm yourself. I really hope this helps you in some way
I'm sorry that it's been a little while since you posted before I saw this post. So I'd love to check up on how you are doing now? x