Breakup after 1 year still affects me...

TiredSquirrel

So I got dumped December 2019. I'm with someone else now, but saw pictures of my ex with me earlier on someone's Facebook and it's completely knocked me back.

I still get upset about it sometimes. Not nearly as intensly as I used to of course, but it's still not nice. I feel it's like a bruise. The worst pain is over, but if it gets knocked (i.e. reminded) then it hurts a little.

I just never think I'll be truly over her even though I'm now with someone else.

She was my first love, my first gf. I know that plays a part in it, but it's hard to see a future in which I don't care anymore.

Mike

It's okay if you don't stop caring about her, @TiredSquirrel. She was a part of your life; no doubt someone you shared important memories and experiences with, and maybe someone who played a part in shaping you as a person. Even though you might have run your course together, it's okay to still feel something for all of that. It's a big ask to make yourself not care about that journey, or not to feel pain for the loss of something that meant (and maybe still means) so much to you.

When you're with someone new, there can be this pressure to forget, move on, and never talk about previous relationships. And personally, I'm not sure that's healthy or reasonable. You can have both - a meaningful, loving relationship now, and some kind of attachment to what you had before.

Can I ask, under what circumstances did you break things off with your ex?

I get the sense it was a rough breakup, but don't want to assume. I ask because there's usually a grieving process when a relationship ends, and if it's still a big source of pain for you now, it could be worth reflecting on how well you 'grieved' and whether that's something you can explore now.

Mike

I also want to say: one year isn't a long time to heal from a breakup. Sometimes that process takes a lot longer, so be kind to yourself - these things are personal and emotional journeys.

TiredSquirrel

It was her decision. We went to Uni together after being together in college. Big mistake. Should have always gone to another Uni (where I am now after dropping out due to what happened). But yeah, it was her doing and I didn't want it at all. It wasn't a really toxic breakup, but we started talking again a few months after and she led me to believe she wanted to get back together and then ended it completely again. So that didn't help. I just never think I'll be totally over it.