Trauma? (Tw)

Former Member

I wrote about this already in previous post before, but a little bit of background, my brother always calls me useless and tend to criticize almost everything how I act and remembering that no one's there comforting me while I'm having a breakdown or crying. Irl, people just didn't say anything and ignored me, it hurts so much that my feelings and my existence doesn't really matter at all. 

I'm curious, why am I crying when I'm about to speak up and couldn't hold my tears anymore in front of my teachers that concerned about my low marks during high school. I froze and couldn't said anything as I tried to speak up, my brother voice got stronger as he said that I better die than living in my mind, the longer I froze, my breathing becames so heavy amd broke down crying at the end. I've met another teacher that asked "why are you so down? You're really beautiful there's no need to worry about anything." I immediately trembling amd broke down to tears again when my mind said "useless" and "good for nothing" is just overwhelming, and I couldn't said any words after that, same as the previous reaction with high school teachers.
I don't know why I suddenly feel so numb and low now after I remembered those moments again, is what I describe a trauma?
I feel so low and I really want to disappear because I wasting everyone's time and nobody will take me seriously... please help.

Former Member

Everyone seems tired of me when I speak about this huh, I get it. Everytime I ask about this, no one wants to answer me at all. I don't understand, this is why I hate speaking up, no one will believe me 

Former Member

Right, I should ask the therapist, not you guys, how fricking stupid of me haha 

Past User

Hey mocha big hugs  <3We care about you and we’re always happy to listen sometimes it can take a few days for people to reply as sometimes people don’t know what to say ot they don’t have any advice or simply not many people have been on here. But I promise you’re always welcome to speak here and we’ll do our absolute best to help. We’re here for you 


I’m sorry things sound really hard with your brother big hugs, you should be proud of yourself for opening up here it’s a big step to take. Talking can be hard and sometimes  after keeping everything in when the moment comes to talk all our emotions just bubble out, it’s ok to cry and let it all out. You’re certainly not useless or weaker for crying it’s perfectly normal. Maybe next time you want to reach out you could write a letter. 

And it’s normal  for memories to suddenly resurface but it’s never easy. We’re always here to listen. Sorry if this sounded late. Big hugs you’re not alone 

Former Member

@SpaceOtter You don't feel pressured to say something do you?

Past User

No of course not. I just hadn’t noticed your post before. I hope you’re doing ok, big hugs 

Former Member

Heya, I'm so sorry I missed this post. You deserve so much better. 

I can't say for sure but it sounds like your brother was emotionally abusing you. It's not okay to constantly put you down like that. 

It's entirely possible to be experiencing trauma from situations like this. 

I think it's very brave of you to open up about this, and I'm sorry this post has been missed. 

My inbox is always open, I love our chats

Former Member

I agree with @Anch0r33 and that is it is possible to experience trauma from this. I think the MIND article on Trauma is really helpful so I have included a link for it. It covers what is trauma, the effects of trauma, and what we can do both now and long-term to overcome trauma.

I'm really proud of you to be able to open about this. Does your brother still treat you like this?

It's entirely possible for the feelings you desribe to build up and overwhelm us. That could be why it comes out when teachers try speak to you. The pressure and stress of being pulled to the side to have a chat about low marks, combined with the treatment you have described in your post, mean you might react in a way you didn't expect for that situation.

I think it's important to remember there is nothing wrong with expressing our emotions or crying. It's a completely natural thing to do when we are upset, anxious, or even overwhelmed.

Let me know what you think about the MIND article and if there is anything else we can do here on the Boards to support you

Former Member

@SpaceOtter Thank you for listening again, it's okay and I should apologize because I'm too desperate for someone reply, I should wait more patiently and try to calm myself. Yesterday was from a fine day then completely feeling miserable at night.

@Anch0r33 Thank you, It's completely okay, my feelings just overwhelming yesterday, I try to calm myself but I couldn't. I can be panic and being impatient sometimes when I talk about it. I love our chats too, it was fun

@Jordan It is possible that I might bottled my negative emotions too much, I don't want to talk about it often which is why those kind of situations really stressed out out of nowhere. Thank you and the article really helps, I haven't find MIND yet and it does have good information though. My brother doesn't really yelled much anymore but he still being explosive sometimes, I still couldn't get over it after what he said things to me. 

Finally, I managed to calm myself now,
I haven't been a good mood since last night, I was great yesterday then just go down drastically when I remembered those moments and became nervous to know what kind of personality the professors. Thank you everyone, I don't want people ignored my feelings again so I can be impatient and angry when I speak about this most of the time, I'm so sorry for being this way.