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How best to handle compulsive liars?

Salix_alba_2019Salix_alba_2019 Deactivated Posts: 1,646 Extreme Poster

To add a little background, I became very good friends with a girl at uni whilst I was completing my undergraduate degree. She was quite eccentric but ultimately she was a nice person so I  stuck around and didn't think too much of the things she said or did. Eventually I found her to be too much to be around so I distanced myself from her. After some time passed we  found eachother again after a year we became really close and she had found a new person to obsess over. She was apparently in a relationship and going to get married, myself and 5 other girls started helping her to make preparations for a wedding when out of the blue her "fiance"  messaged me on FB to tell me that she had an extreme infatuation with him and he was not interested in her and to not encourage her. So I messaged my friends  sister at the time  to confirm whether  this was true and to my surprise she told me her sister was a compulsive liar and likely to be suffering from neurosis according to the the MH team that.

I was furious and I confronted the girl and asked her why she played us like that, I wasn't having any of it  so I said my peace and terminated our friendship. I knew her for 3 yearsand she played me so well and left me to clean up the mess that she left by having to contact each of the girls involved to stop and not engage with the lies being told.

Have any of you experienced compulsive liars ad how did you deal with it and what do you recon is the best thing to do to handle situations where somone is obviously lying and continuously does so ? 

Comments

  • DandelionDandelion Posts: 1,911 Extreme Poster
    edited January 2021
    THat sounds like a bad situation. I’m sorry you were left cleaning up the mess. I knew someone at school who used to lie about everything and when we would bring her up on it she would change the story. I felt like I couldn’t trust anything she said as I couldn’t tell whether it was true or not. Ultimately we didn’t stay friends for very long which was probably for the best as I didn’t really like being around someone I couldn’t trust. 

    I’m not really sure how I would react to someone lying constantly. I guess you could firstly speak to them and tell them they don’t need to lie around you etc. 
    The steps you take don’t need to be big, they just need to take you in the right direction. 
  • JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,874 Extreme Poster
    Hey <3

    I think there are two parts to this and it really depends on whats best for YOU. Sometimes, even when people are lying I tend to just listen as confronting them doesn't help either of you. I think some parts of what they say might not be factually true, but it might be the truth of their reality and how they see the world if that makes sense. So practically in terms of when you are talking I'd say just to be neutral. In the longer term tho I would say put your needs first, you are responsible for yourself - not her or anyone. If she makes you feel stressed and upset then perhaps that's your answer xx
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Heya. I used to be friends with a compulsive liar. She would lie about little things and big things. Now thinking about i don’t know why I was friends with her. Once I punched her cause she was annoying me ahah fml. Not cause she was lying just cause she was acting weird about me just wanting to sit somewhere she wouldn’t let me sit down lol

     anyway, she lied about her mum having cancer and her dad being abroad when he was actually in prison which found out on news. I can understand the dad one but not the mum one. I wasn’t ever to get one to confront her cause I just couldn’t be bothered with it. I just ignored it completly when found out. Maybe not the best way to handle it. Now I’m older I would confront the person and ask why did you say this when it’s doesn’t seem facts. 

    Their is obviously some mental illness for them to be doing that so maybe need some sympathy. But it does not make it any more less wrong. Still know they’re lying. 

    I think it depends on how it affects you. It’s okay to take them out of your life if you find it pretty toxic to be around
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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