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Reminded me of my old fears (Major Tw: deaths)

SneakylilmochaSneakylilmocha Posts: 177 Helping Hand
edited January 2021 in Health & Wellbeing
I have a rant that I want to write something of my chest again right now. I don't want anyone triggered because of this, so I put spoiler below. I recommend not to read this if you're not mentally ready.
Major Tw: deaths, religions
So there's a news that a plane crash happened recently, maybe some of you know about it or not, unlike most plane crash, the plane exploded at the middle of the flight which is really horrifying and that news really made reminded me something.

I hate sundays when I was a kid, not it's not like whining but I'm afraid of it, I'm always scared that one of my parents died unexpectedly (like plane crash, car accident, etc.) without me around and I often crying out of nowhere. I'm scared of churches a lot, might be because of the choirs that made me feel miserable that I have a vision that I arrived at my dad's funeral when I'm in the middle of marriage. Though my mom thought that I cried because Jesus contacted me but no, I haven't experienced those and the choirs always made me think that the world is going to end soon, wondering every scenario that every my parents or me died is terrifying for me as a kid. I even seeing the cross and the painting of Jesus makes me uncomfortable until now. I probably I'm having separation anxiety between 6-12 years old, I overcome it somehow, but my old feelings still lingers a bit.

and yet, what I afraid the most is plane crash. Often times, I cried a lot too when I was a kid when one of my parents went to another city for work or seeing grandparents or siblings, I imagined them being plane crashed or even being kidnapped or something else if they're safe. This news triggered me again, I'm not crying anymore, but I do feel scared thinking about study abroad or visiting my grandparents' house next month, thank god my dad cancelled the flight because those covid tests are very needed and pretty much cost a lot.

I understand that what I wrote is pretty complicated somehow, it's kind of ridiculous why was I feel like this when I was a kid, my parents won't believe and likely thought it was funny because I was afraid of sundays and churches or even catholicism / christianity. but yeah, what I wrote doesn't really make sense anyway.
"Grow from the dirt they left you in."
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