How do you fall in love?

Distraction

I'm going to meet someone tomorrow, just too hangout and I think I like him and he thinks he likes me too. We haven't met before and I'm not telling my parents because I'm almost 23 and I've never told them about the guys I meet because it's usually just one or two dates and nothing happens anyway, that and they don't approve of meeting people online (in this situation this is where I met him) so they wouldn't like me going.

I don't think they need to know about him unless it's turning into something serious, I like my privacy (but it does mean sneaking about a little and maybe telling a white lie as to where I'm going during the day). 

The thing is I never really feel settled around guys when I do this and I don't know if it's because of the above (that it makes it feel wrong in a way) or because I am inexperienced with letting my guard down and trusting someone, I'm not even sure how to feel love, I don't mean to be dramatic, I love my dad and step mum of course but I mean love someone like your partner. In a way It's always just sort of been me making sure I don't get hurt. how do you grow as a person and fall in love? I want to but I don't see myself being able to. 

Former Member

Hey @Distraction!

It sounds like you're in a complicated situation at the moment with your emotions - which it totally normal! It's fine to question our feelings when we start to feel jitters around a person, especially someone who we may potentially be in love with. 

I'm curious what you think would happen if you did tell your parents? I hear that he is older than you and that you generally don't talk to your parents about guys which is understandable. I suppose I'm asking, do you think you'll be able to explore these feelings of love more if you could tell them and perhaps get it off your chest in a way? 

Also, perhaps consider that your parents were once young people experimenting with love too! It's completely normal for us to explore relationships and go on various dates to find the right person for us, so if you're worried about telling them because you don't know if it will last beyond a few dates, know that it is completely okay and it's likely you're parents will understand! 

If you're having some thoughts about maybe being in love or maybe not being in love with this person, remember you can always speak to them too! It might be that they're in a similar situation and talking about it may help you to clarify your emotions!

I hope this helps And best of luck tomorrow!

Distraction

Hi @Eleanor

I guess I'm worried about their reactions mostly with meeting him online, he does go to my college so I could say I met him there but if I was to tell them I feel like they should know the truth out of respect.

However my step mum can be very negative about most things and I feel excited about this one. I understand it's possible it might not turn into anything and I might get hurt but it might turn into something good as well, you can only try with these things and to be honest it gets kinda exhausting talking to her (about anything) and only hearing negative feedback.

I think if she was to be a little up beat about it, it would be nice to talk to her, explore these feelings and learn how to feel relaxed around guys because like you say she would have experience in the area.

Thanks a lot for the last bit, you reminded me that communication is key as well and that it's alright to talk to the other person.

I didn't get to meet him today (my car broke) so I called him later on instead and I felt all excited and happy, I wanted to ask you a silly question, how do I be myself around him and how do I make myself relax a little? I go serious around someone I like when I'm actually quite a fun and silly person to be around once you get to know me but I end up feeling awkward and really uncomfortable and then I go serious. I try to relax and reassure myself and let go but it's hard.

Thank you so much for your help