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A few updates
awesomeminecraft6789
Deactivated Posts: 1,052 Wise Owl
Hi guys
So everything this year has started out quite normal so far no complaints
The good things
About my discussion about my girlfriend:: turns out that was a misunderstanding and it was a boy in the past so thank god for that and we are definitely still together still a bit nervous on how it's going to play out this year because the last proper relationship I was in ended in me with a broken heart so that's one of the main things I'm worried about
My depression has gone down a bit: as I've mentioned in my past discussions I've been proper depressed recently and as I've said I've been questioning my self worth and wondering if I'm actually good enough for anybody because my last school I was at I got bullied because I had a disability and the thing is it was a mainstream school so I guess they thought I was pretty normal to be allowed in a school like that and that bullying is the reason why I have such bad social anxiety everyone tries to get me to talk but I just can't because I'm worried it'll happen again so there's that and that is also why I question how much I'm worth and if I deserve to be here and if I was an accident and deserved Never to be born because I'm adopted because my real mom couldn't take care of me and sometimes I think I'm better off with her then I am here because I really don't belong here sometimes I feel like I'm invisible and that pushes my depression up even more but yeah that's a good thing my depression has gone down right?
I'm trying to make amends with exes and friends: so my main problem this year has been that I've had my heartbroken by one of my exes in school so basically what happened was I said I think we should break up cause she was like two years older then me and I heard something online about it and I just felt out of place like she deserved better so I told her we should just be friends and she hasn't took it well that girl I mentioned before yep that's her so she didn't take it well and she knows that I'm with someone and sarcastically says oh hope you have a good life with this person and I don't normally shout at school cause I'm usually a calm guy but this girl is really really pushing me like she wants me to shout at her and trust me I almost have on multiple occasions but since I'm not very good at confrontation I move away well it's more like stomp away angrily and I've tried some of the things you guys suggested but she won't leave me alone about it and I feel like if she keeps going on I'm going to end up hurting myself because I really hate guilt tripping but I just can't stop thinking about it and it kills me inside making me question even more my self worth everyone keeps Telling me to stay strong but I don't know how much longer I can and me and one of my close friends had a falling out recently and I called off our friendship mainly because I didn't want what was happening with my ex to happen with her so I'm trying to make amends and I can't tell if it's working.
The bad things
I've been feeling alone: Even with the arrival of a new girlfriend and friends I've been feeling more alone then I ever have I don't know what it is I think it's cause when we came back in September cause I'd broken up with my ex I'm going to say early February and then I got a new girlfriend and then she started going all mind my language bitchy because I'm with someone else it's only cause I'm with someone else she acts like this and I haven't been talking to her really and then she acts like that again and acts like oh Brandons not talking to me what a shame and she did that while we were decorating the sixth form for Halloween her acting like that ruined it for me I really can't tell you guys how much I've wanted to snap at her I'm refraining from it but I feel like I'm at breaking point honestly idk what to do we got into an argument about the same thing and that afternoon I was so upset and mad that I didn't want to do anything and honestly because of her I lost my Christmas spirit and nothing about it was making me happy and I haven't really talked to anyone while this has been going on heck even my girlfriend and that's killing me the most because I really really really do love her and I want this to work if she reads this I want her to know that I really really really do love her that's why I'm feeling so alone because I haven't really talked to anyone.
My concerns about my relationship are getting worse: After that I'm really confused post I was really really scared because hearing that it made me want to cry because as I've said before she probably deserves better then me and it's true because who wants someone who doesn't even tell her that they love her and only does it on things like this to her, if she reads this you deserve better I'm not good enough for you I can't even talk what chance do I have in a relationship if I can't talk or even say I love you to them not here honestly guys I'm proper scared 😢
That's pretty much all I've got for you guys today sorry to leave it on a downer I don't mean to depress any one it's just my mind and my heart just aren't in the right place at the moment and I feel I need some kind of miracle to make me feel better
Thank you all for everything you've said you've made me happier then I've ever been in a whole year and I really appreciate it thank you so so much I wouldnt be here if it weren't for my gf and you guys please keep that in mind all of you you don't know me but your saving my life honestly
My name is Brandon by the way you can call me that If you want
Thank you all again
Brandon 💯❤️
So everything this year has started out quite normal so far no complaints
The good things
About my discussion about my girlfriend:: turns out that was a misunderstanding and it was a boy in the past so thank god for that and we are definitely still together still a bit nervous on how it's going to play out this year because the last proper relationship I was in ended in me with a broken heart so that's one of the main things I'm worried about
My depression has gone down a bit: as I've mentioned in my past discussions I've been proper depressed recently and as I've said I've been questioning my self worth and wondering if I'm actually good enough for anybody because my last school I was at I got bullied because I had a disability and the thing is it was a mainstream school so I guess they thought I was pretty normal to be allowed in a school like that and that bullying is the reason why I have such bad social anxiety everyone tries to get me to talk but I just can't because I'm worried it'll happen again so there's that and that is also why I question how much I'm worth and if I deserve to be here and if I was an accident and deserved Never to be born because I'm adopted because my real mom couldn't take care of me and sometimes I think I'm better off with her then I am here because I really don't belong here sometimes I feel like I'm invisible and that pushes my depression up even more but yeah that's a good thing my depression has gone down right?
I'm trying to make amends with exes and friends: so my main problem this year has been that I've had my heartbroken by one of my exes in school so basically what happened was I said I think we should break up cause she was like two years older then me and I heard something online about it and I just felt out of place like she deserved better so I told her we should just be friends and she hasn't took it well that girl I mentioned before yep that's her so she didn't take it well and she knows that I'm with someone and sarcastically says oh hope you have a good life with this person and I don't normally shout at school cause I'm usually a calm guy but this girl is really really pushing me like she wants me to shout at her and trust me I almost have on multiple occasions but since I'm not very good at confrontation I move away well it's more like stomp away angrily and I've tried some of the things you guys suggested but she won't leave me alone about it and I feel like if she keeps going on I'm going to end up hurting myself because I really hate guilt tripping but I just can't stop thinking about it and it kills me inside making me question even more my self worth everyone keeps Telling me to stay strong but I don't know how much longer I can and me and one of my close friends had a falling out recently and I called off our friendship mainly because I didn't want what was happening with my ex to happen with her so I'm trying to make amends and I can't tell if it's working.
The bad things
I've been feeling alone: Even with the arrival of a new girlfriend and friends I've been feeling more alone then I ever have I don't know what it is I think it's cause when we came back in September cause I'd broken up with my ex I'm going to say early February and then I got a new girlfriend and then she started going all mind my language bitchy because I'm with someone else it's only cause I'm with someone else she acts like this and I haven't been talking to her really and then she acts like that again and acts like oh Brandons not talking to me what a shame and she did that while we were decorating the sixth form for Halloween her acting like that ruined it for me I really can't tell you guys how much I've wanted to snap at her I'm refraining from it but I feel like I'm at breaking point honestly idk what to do we got into an argument about the same thing and that afternoon I was so upset and mad that I didn't want to do anything and honestly because of her I lost my Christmas spirit and nothing about it was making me happy and I haven't really talked to anyone while this has been going on heck even my girlfriend and that's killing me the most because I really really really do love her and I want this to work if she reads this I want her to know that I really really really do love her that's why I'm feeling so alone because I haven't really talked to anyone.
My concerns about my relationship are getting worse: After that I'm really confused post I was really really scared because hearing that it made me want to cry because as I've said before she probably deserves better then me and it's true because who wants someone who doesn't even tell her that they love her and only does it on things like this to her, if she reads this you deserve better I'm not good enough for you I can't even talk what chance do I have in a relationship if I can't talk or even say I love you to them not here honestly guys I'm proper scared 😢
That's pretty much all I've got for you guys today sorry to leave it on a downer I don't mean to depress any one it's just my mind and my heart just aren't in the right place at the moment and I feel I need some kind of miracle to make me feel better
Thank you all for everything you've said you've made me happier then I've ever been in a whole year and I really appreciate it thank you so so much I wouldnt be here if it weren't for my gf and you guys please keep that in mind all of you you don't know me but your saving my life honestly
My name is Brandon by the way you can call me that If you want
Thank you all again
Brandon 💯❤️
4
Comments
Sending huge hugs your way
Firstly, I'm really proud of you for sharing everything with us here. Writing down/talking about your thoughts is often one of the very best things we can do to help ourselves, so you've made a really great step by sharing them here! I'm wondering how it feels for you to get this off your chest?
Secondly, it's great that even in super tough times, you have been able to identify some positives. I really hope that everything goes well for you and if you'd ever like to talk more about these things (so your girlfriend, your depression and/or your relationships with friends/your ex), or anything else, you are always more than welcome to.
So you mentioned that you're feeling alone, despite having your girlfriend and friends. And you think this might be because of everything happening with your ex. I can hear that you haven't talked to your girlfriend much whilst this has all been happening for you, and that is difficult for you. And then finally you are feeling worried about your relationship too. I hear you
Typically, I would share the advice that communication is key. You did so well explaining everything you are feeling to us, so I would encourage you to share these same feelings with your girlfriend. That you really would love to talk to her more, it is just that you are just struggling with everything that is happening for you at the moment. And you really want to be there for her, because I can hear that you really do love her. When she knows how you feel, this may take some pressure off you, and she may even be able to support you through this in some way
So, I will still share that advice. However, one thing you mentioned is that 'you can't even talk'. I'm wondering if you could share a little bit more about what you mean by that? I wanted to address this first, as I know encouraging you to communicate is often easier said than done.
And finally, sending another hug your way just to round this off! You have got this and we are right here for you. Take good care
What I meant was I just don't feel like I can talk because in school I'm always quiet and everyone notices and they try to but that's when my social anxiety comes in and I just can't speak and with everything that's been going on it's kicked in even more and I really feel like I might lose everyone because I think I'm putting everyone down and you know how I mentioned my now not friend I tried to make everything right but it didn't work and then yesterday she said simply I don't like you and that really hurt me because I'm extremely sensitive to things like that and it brought my depression up even more.
About my girlfriend I just don't want to stress her because she gets stressed easily and I can't deal with that guilt that's mainly the reason I haven't spoken to her about it because I don't want what I'm going through to happen to her cause I've seen her depressed before and since I know her really well I know what she's like when she's upset or stressed and I can't keep guilt tripping myself cause I know what's going to happen if I keep going.
This is the only place I feel like I can share my opinions and how I feel without making myself feel like nobody cares or feeling guilty because I upset someone I care and love I feel like I won't be judged here and I can definitely confirm that that's true
Hi Brandon I just wanted to check in with you how are you doing 🙂
I'm doing a lot better I'm still a little depressed but it's slowly going away I'll be a 100% better soon depending on how when I go back to school goes with my ex and not friend but I'll be sure to keep you updated!