Just want to say something, and I'm sorry

Sneakylilmocha

Hey, I know it's been a while and I really want to say
Something off from my chest. Also, I do realized that I posted vents / tw posts more. So please, only read this is fine, I don't want people to feel like they pressured to write something anymore and I don't really like that. But feel free if you want to, I hope you guys can understand what I mean. I don't know where to start and I don't feel like I deserve to be here anymore, I'm just tired of my mind that I keep bothering anyone else if I try to chat a lot and I feel really selfish everytime I posted, and even asked about my life experiences.

Because of that, feeling left out really hurts. I know that everyone can't expected to be there for me 24/7, and I know that everyone should take a break sometimes, but I just can't take it anymore. I can't even contact crisis messeger because the credit cost is very expensive since it's far away and I'm also not a native or live near around uk, I decided to take breaks from commenting someone with supportive words for a while, I do read most of the forums but writing something supportive for someone takes time for me and it's mostly draining and if I force myself to say something and I need to make myself worry less about that. I always want to afford a theraphy, but my family often sees it as a weak and coward decision just for seeking help mentally and I'll get shamed and disappointed by them if I got noticed.

I often changed my mind a lot and often worried when I post something including asking someone about my experience so often times, I flagged my own posts a lot and sometimes The Mix don't respond and people responded when I want to delete it then changed my mind about it sooner, I understand that as they became tired of me, If I could have just think it more clearly before and think about people feelings more then it shouldn't have happened. After a couple of days, even some moderators told me not to worry about it, I still couldn't help but afraid if I do something wrong again.
Besides of that, I also compared experiences a lot between me and the others in the end lately. Thinking that more people cares others a lot than me is tiring and makes me want to ran away from things and isolate myself more and repeating to myself that I won't do better like others do, jealousy is always the hardest for me to control myself.
I know that we're all made mistakes, but I am so sorry for what i had done and having a lot of discussions more.
I really made you guys uncomfortable for what I've done, I am sorry for my actions. Thank you for listening, have a nice day everyone

Past User

Hi mocha , you’re a wonderful person big hugs. sorry you’re not feeling great right now.

Its ok to vent and post things with trigger warnings.  I know getting things off my chest always helps me. We care about you a lot and you have no idea how much we appreciate all your help and support. But your well-being comes first, it’s on if you can’t comment or offer support. It’s perfectly ok, and it’s still ok to reach out for help. We know you care but sometimes we can’t always be there for people in the way we want to. It’s ok to not say anything ,sometimes when I don’t have the right words I give them a hug or an insightful because then they know I’ve listened to them and I care. We care about you mocha it’s ok to put your health first. 

You have nothing to apologise for mocha . I don’t think anyone is sick of you, it’s a busy time of year right now which is why responses may be slower. As for responses differing on posts that’s not because we care any less about you. Sometimes people relate more to something someone else was saying, sometimes people are having a rough day meaning they don’t feel up to replying or that they don’t have the right words. And some people take long breaks it might just be that when you post not as many people are around. 

It’s ok to feel jealous sometimes and it’s good to recognise that feeling. Could you write positive things down and read them when you’re low to remind you that lots of people do care about you. We care about you, you’re a beautiful soul and you’ve helped me a lot. 

I’m sorry you can’t get the help from a therapist right now. We are always here to listen, we do really care. Are there any crisis  lines available in your area you could look for. I definitely don’t think you’re a coward, in fact you are incredibly strong. 

Sorry if that sounded rude, and I’m sorry I didn’t help you more or support you more. You’re an amazing person and I hope one day you’ll see that. 

You have nothing to apologise for, I wish you all the best.Big hugs Mocha. 

Sneakylilmocha

Hi @SpaceOtter, thank you for kind response and spending your time writing here. You're also wonderful person too, you're not rude and I'm really appreciate your help and support, it is completely okay. 

I always couldn't help but worried almost everything, writing and reading about positive things helped but it doesn't always work and might be hard to keep writing it sometimes, I do know that most people are more busy now mostly because of holidays and having a rough day. Sometimes I'm being like this by overthinking it too much and crisis line starts to appear in my country this year which is nice, but it's only suicidal hotline and calls only, so I'm not sure if I trust them. For your advice, I will try to read positive things that I wrote soon, It's hard to encourage myself to read my own journal for now, at least I barely managed to read it by forcing myself again. It's hard for me to break this kind of mindset and habit of myself but I'll try! 

I can't find my words more, thank you again for listening to me. Also, please do take care of yourself, whenever you want to talk about something.

Sneakylilmocha

I'm so sorry about the typos

Charlotte47

Hey @Sneakylilmocha

I wanted to echo what @SpaceOtter suggested. The three positive things at the end of each day even if its not been a great day help to stop and think. But you don't have to do it everyday. It is what works for you that matters. Also I almost never manage to post/ email/ text without at least one typo! 

Also just to add I have made the edit.  
 

SciFi_456

Hi there @Sneakylilmocha

I'm sorry to hear about everything that's going through your mind and the way that you're feeling. Reading your paragraph made me realise that I too am the same so always remember that you're not alone and that you can trust us on this site always. I haven't been here long however one thing I've noticed is all of you on here are not afraid to speak up and reach out to others and that is fantastic. 😄

If you ever want to talk about what's on your mind, do not hesitate to PM me and I will gladly listen. 

Stay strong 💪🏻

-Liam 👍🏻

Sneakylilmocha

Hi @Cara! What Spaceotter recommend can work sometimes but not always, doing that can makes me excited and determined sometimes and sometimes not, but I still say that it's very helpful in the long run. We can relate about the typo though and thank you for editing it too Cara! 

Hey @SciFi_456! I'm not sure what to say, but thank you! remembering I'm not alone here and I can tell this site is very trustable, people aren't afraid to speak up their minds but also reaching out others a lot, which is very great trait to have by everyone here! Also thank you for the offer to chat, I gladly appreciate it!