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Stress and sadness
Oli123
Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
Sorry this is so close to Christmas. I hope you're all having a wonderful lead-up to it!
This is just a rant to get it off my chest before Christmas, please don't feel like you have to respond.
This morning I woke up refreshed and ready for the day. I went downstairs to find that my mum had put all the presents out under the tree. This was lovely, however, this included ones that were addressed to me that had been unopened parcels from the post that I didn't really want taking out of their boxes. I now had no idea which ones were from who. Mum said "that's fine, I'll remember"...but this stressed the hell out of me in case I didn't know who to thank for what. I know she was trying to do something nice, but she didn't ask me first and I felt violated that she'd opened my parcels. This would've been a perfectly fine, normal occurrence when I was little, but I'm not exactly a kid anymore, so I think she could have asked me first. So I didn't go off on one and just said that I would've preferred if she'd asked me first.
At the moment, cases of coronavirus are up 60% in our village because the owners of the local pub were asymptomatic and passed it on to a lot of people, unfortunately.
About two hours ago, I was about to go out for a walk to deliver a Christmas card to an elderly neighbour and popped my head in my mum's room to let her know. She asked me to come in to talk about it. First red flag. She was sorting out some washing and said "I want you to have a word with your dad first". I asked why because I would literally be gone 10 minutes. She said she would tell me why "in a minute". Second red flag. And I asked why she couldn't just tell me. Then she responded with "take this washing through to your room and put it away". I said she hadn't answered my question and why could she just be straightforward with me. She goes "go and get your dad". He was out so I had to wait a further 10 minutes for him to get home before even talking and finding out why she wouldn't talk to me. I was so frustrated. So dad gets home and we're all in the same room and mum finally goes "I want your dad to take you In the car because of the covid cases". I said exasperatingly (but not loudly) "why couldn't you have just said that, I would've been fine about it if you'd just talked to me". And she goes "don't speak to me like that, you would've gone off on one, you're a monster". Yes I get in moods and sometimes raise my voice if I'm mad, but if it was about something as serious as covid, I would have instantly been ok about it. And then ensued an argument about me saying that I didn't see why she couldn't just talk to me and had to be so awkward about it and why she was so funny with me. And she responded with things along the lines of "you're a liar, you would've gone out anyway. I can't wait for you to go to uni. No use having talent if you're a monster and an awful person at heart" and all the rest of it (I have lied a couple of times about things in the past, but that seems enough for her to have painted me as a liar). I know she's just mad at me and these names and things don't really phase me much anymore, but I just didn't see why she couldn't have just told me why she didn't want me walking and why she was being so awkward with me and why she couldn't listen when I was telling her how I was feeling. She sees me as this big ogre (yes she's called me that too...I'm a girl and tubby and very self conscious about it, and that name doesn't help) with an awful personality and horrible heart. This makes me see myself like that. She seems incapable of listening when I'm trying to tell her how I'm feeling. It's always her opinion that matters, no one else's.
Sorry for the rant. I do love my mum a lot and never wish to badmouth her, but sometimes things just get so infuriating, when I can't see that I've done anything wrong and she never listens when I feel she's done something wrong. And with it being so close to Christmas it's just urgh. I just wish I could go out and see friends. My best friend (who I would quite literally be lost without) lives a couple of hours drive away and I haven't seen her in over a year (as of the 21st of December) and we had arranged with her mum to meet up and surprise her before Christmas, but had to cancel last minute because of tier changes. This broke my heart and I cried myself to sleep for 3 days straight.
My sister seems to have picked up a lot of my mum's worse traits, like being awkward with people and refusing to listen, patronisation and things like this, and I'm just really unhappy. She patronises me so much, which drives me up the wall. She is 2 years older than me but acts like she's another parent and includes herself and shares her opinion in conversations about me between mum and dad and things like this, which makes me so mad. I think being at home with little space, physically and mentally doesn't help.
My dad always sticks up for my mum, even when he wasn't there to see what happened. He just assumes that I was in the wrong and backs mum up on whatever she's saying. He doesn't listen either when I try to tell him what's happened, only listens to mum's side of things. This makes me angry, so I raise my voice, then the whole cycle of name-calling starts again. I just feel so trapped with nowhere to go and no one to talk to about it. I never talk to friends about it because I don't want to paint my family, who they know, as this awful group of abusive people, which they aren't. Everyone has their flaws. They have been there and supported me through some terrible times...but they've also caused me some terrible times, to the point where I've considered suicide a number of times. There's a very tempting train track down the road, but I wouldn't do that to the train driver. I know I haven't been perfect and I've caused some pretty bad times too, but I can honestly say it's 99% through the stress and unhappiness in my life. I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide, but I just want to be happy.
I just feel alone and don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm trying to decide uni options at the moment too...it's the biggest decision of my life so far, and I don't know what to do. Mum wants me to go to the local uni (I've had an unconditional offer, but I only put it down because I know the course is pretty good and it was my 5th choice out of all of them), because I could board at home and save some money on accommodation costs. This would drive me mad though. I wouldn't want to have to ask to go out for a drink with friends, or have all the distractions at home when studying. I want the experience of being away from home, but she keeps dropping hints that I should pick the one at home. I'm still waiting to hear if my top choice uni has given me a place. They could still reject me. I'm so stressed over it all that I'm getting regular heart palpitations from my blood pressure being raised.
Sorry for the long rant. I know that I'm gonna get through it, but I'm just feeling so alone atm.
Hope anyone who reads this has an amazing Christmas. 🎄🎅🤶🎁
Edit:
Just tried to go downstairs and talk to mum about it.
Mum: You've turned into something really awful and you never listen to me
Me (really calmly): I'm feeling the same way with you. You never seem to listen to me when I'm expressing myself.
Mum (interrupts): RIGHT well that's fine then! We're finished!
She then stormed off upstairs...
This is just a rant to get it off my chest before Christmas, please don't feel like you have to respond.
This morning I woke up refreshed and ready for the day. I went downstairs to find that my mum had put all the presents out under the tree. This was lovely, however, this included ones that were addressed to me that had been unopened parcels from the post that I didn't really want taking out of their boxes. I now had no idea which ones were from who. Mum said "that's fine, I'll remember"...but this stressed the hell out of me in case I didn't know who to thank for what. I know she was trying to do something nice, but she didn't ask me first and I felt violated that she'd opened my parcels. This would've been a perfectly fine, normal occurrence when I was little, but I'm not exactly a kid anymore, so I think she could have asked me first. So I didn't go off on one and just said that I would've preferred if she'd asked me first.
At the moment, cases of coronavirus are up 60% in our village because the owners of the local pub were asymptomatic and passed it on to a lot of people, unfortunately.
About two hours ago, I was about to go out for a walk to deliver a Christmas card to an elderly neighbour and popped my head in my mum's room to let her know. She asked me to come in to talk about it. First red flag. She was sorting out some washing and said "I want you to have a word with your dad first". I asked why because I would literally be gone 10 minutes. She said she would tell me why "in a minute". Second red flag. And I asked why she couldn't just tell me. Then she responded with "take this washing through to your room and put it away". I said she hadn't answered my question and why could she just be straightforward with me. She goes "go and get your dad". He was out so I had to wait a further 10 minutes for him to get home before even talking and finding out why she wouldn't talk to me. I was so frustrated. So dad gets home and we're all in the same room and mum finally goes "I want your dad to take you In the car because of the covid cases". I said exasperatingly (but not loudly) "why couldn't you have just said that, I would've been fine about it if you'd just talked to me". And she goes "don't speak to me like that, you would've gone off on one, you're a monster". Yes I get in moods and sometimes raise my voice if I'm mad, but if it was about something as serious as covid, I would have instantly been ok about it. And then ensued an argument about me saying that I didn't see why she couldn't just talk to me and had to be so awkward about it and why she was so funny with me. And she responded with things along the lines of "you're a liar, you would've gone out anyway. I can't wait for you to go to uni. No use having talent if you're a monster and an awful person at heart" and all the rest of it (I have lied a couple of times about things in the past, but that seems enough for her to have painted me as a liar). I know she's just mad at me and these names and things don't really phase me much anymore, but I just didn't see why she couldn't have just told me why she didn't want me walking and why she was being so awkward with me and why she couldn't listen when I was telling her how I was feeling. She sees me as this big ogre (yes she's called me that too...I'm a girl and tubby and very self conscious about it, and that name doesn't help) with an awful personality and horrible heart. This makes me see myself like that. She seems incapable of listening when I'm trying to tell her how I'm feeling. It's always her opinion that matters, no one else's.
Sorry for the rant. I do love my mum a lot and never wish to badmouth her, but sometimes things just get so infuriating, when I can't see that I've done anything wrong and she never listens when I feel she's done something wrong. And with it being so close to Christmas it's just urgh. I just wish I could go out and see friends. My best friend (who I would quite literally be lost without) lives a couple of hours drive away and I haven't seen her in over a year (as of the 21st of December) and we had arranged with her mum to meet up and surprise her before Christmas, but had to cancel last minute because of tier changes. This broke my heart and I cried myself to sleep for 3 days straight.
My sister seems to have picked up a lot of my mum's worse traits, like being awkward with people and refusing to listen, patronisation and things like this, and I'm just really unhappy. She patronises me so much, which drives me up the wall. She is 2 years older than me but acts like she's another parent and includes herself and shares her opinion in conversations about me between mum and dad and things like this, which makes me so mad. I think being at home with little space, physically and mentally doesn't help.
My dad always sticks up for my mum, even when he wasn't there to see what happened. He just assumes that I was in the wrong and backs mum up on whatever she's saying. He doesn't listen either when I try to tell him what's happened, only listens to mum's side of things. This makes me angry, so I raise my voice, then the whole cycle of name-calling starts again. I just feel so trapped with nowhere to go and no one to talk to about it. I never talk to friends about it because I don't want to paint my family, who they know, as this awful group of abusive people, which they aren't. Everyone has their flaws. They have been there and supported me through some terrible times...but they've also caused me some terrible times, to the point where I've considered suicide a number of times. There's a very tempting train track down the road, but I wouldn't do that to the train driver. I know I haven't been perfect and I've caused some pretty bad times too, but I can honestly say it's 99% through the stress and unhappiness in my life. I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide, but I just want to be happy.
I just feel alone and don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm trying to decide uni options at the moment too...it's the biggest decision of my life so far, and I don't know what to do. Mum wants me to go to the local uni (I've had an unconditional offer, but I only put it down because I know the course is pretty good and it was my 5th choice out of all of them), because I could board at home and save some money on accommodation costs. This would drive me mad though. I wouldn't want to have to ask to go out for a drink with friends, or have all the distractions at home when studying. I want the experience of being away from home, but she keeps dropping hints that I should pick the one at home. I'm still waiting to hear if my top choice uni has given me a place. They could still reject me. I'm so stressed over it all that I'm getting regular heart palpitations from my blood pressure being raised.
Sorry for the long rant. I know that I'm gonna get through it, but I'm just feeling so alone atm.
Hope anyone who reads this has an amazing Christmas. 🎄🎅🤶🎁
Edit:
Just tried to go downstairs and talk to mum about it.
Mum: You've turned into something really awful and you never listen to me
Me (really calmly): I'm feeling the same way with you. You never seem to listen to me when I'm expressing myself.
Mum (interrupts): RIGHT well that's fine then! We're finished!
She then stormed off upstairs...
Post edited by Oli123 on
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Comments
Its understandable why you found everything quite frustrating. It’s clear how much you love your family, it’s ok to have vent here it doesn’t change how much you love them. In fact letting things out here can really help.
You’re right everyone does has flaws even the people we love and sometimes those flaws can start to grind on us, and the things they say can really hurt. And overtime it can start to bring us down. It can be like carrying a book, one book on it’s own is ok, but if you end up carrying lots of books for a long time it quickly gets exhausting. Letting things out can help.
I’m sorry they keep saying some really unkind things. We’re always here if you ever need anything.
By keeping going it shows you’re strength and your consideration for the train driver shows compassion towards others. You seem like a really amazing person and just know you never have to go through anything alone. If you ever feel really low we’re always here and the mix crisis messenger is incredibly helpful.
Deciding on university is super stressful, i hope you get accepted your first choice. When deciding remember to do what’s best for you and not anyone else.
Sorry I wasn’t very helpful and sorry if I sounded patronising. I’m here if you ever need anything and I wish you a very merry Christmas
Thank you so much for your kind response, you didn't sound patronising at all, please don't worry. 💛
I always feel so guilty talking about family behind their back. I feel like I'm betraying them, you know? Thank you though, venting is really helping work it all through.
I'd love to go out for more walks, but my mum is super nervous about covid (and rightly so because she has a pre-existing lung condition), so I can't even go out for walks anymore...
The book analogy is spot on...I feel like I have half a library in my hands rn 😂
Even just a few minutes ago, my dad came into my room to see if I was getting on with a list of emails I had to write, which he shoved at me earlier (after the argument). He asked if I'd done any of them yet...I gave up earlier and watched a movie to take my mind off of things, so said no I haven't.
He said a very sharp "Why?!"
And I said "because I wasn't feeling happy and wasn't feeling up to it".
He goes "SO that stops you from sending thank you emails?!" whilst sneering.
I said back "If you can't understand why I was upset and why I couldn't write the emails, please would you leave my room?"
As he was leaving, he jeered "You have single handedly ruined Christmas Eve, congratulations!!" ...so just another label to add to the list...
Christmas will be interesting....
Thank you for your kind words, you are an amazing person.
Sorry to hear what you're going through. It was be extra difficult because of Christmas but you've opened up about it which is great 👍🏻.
I'm not great with big paragraphs however I can say that families are very complicated, so if you ever want to talk about it I'm here 😃.
-Liam ❤️🎄
Thank you for your kind response.
It's definitely been a big blow as it is Christmas, especially as I've now been told that I've single-handedly ruined Christmas 😐The real stinger is that after all of this, I'm going to struggle sleeping and feel awful about myself, even though I don't think I was the one in the wrong, then they will be fine about it in the morning and act like nothing's happened...
Thank you for the offer to talk, you are a great guy.
I hope you have an amazing Christmas.🎄 (if you're in the UK, less than 2 hours to go woooohooo!)
Best wishes,
Olivia
I'm sorry for what you've been through, other than that you definitely deserve to be heard by them, your feelings and your opinions are matter. We're happy to listen to you and I'm proud of you that you're able to write something really bothering of your chest, which is a great step!
It seems that your family don't really acknowledged your feelings mentally and emotionally much even you talked to her about it. That must be tough situation for not being heard or acknowledge by family. You can write / talk about it in here anytime, we're always listening to you!
Other than that, wish you a merry christmas! 🎅🎄
Please don't feel guilty about 'talking behind your families back', there's nothing to feel guilty about and you certainly didn't betray them. We all need to rant from time to time, don't feel bad about that.. especially if it was helpful for you in the moment.
I hope that you're feeling a little better about things now and hopefully you're having a good day!
We're here for you whenever
Merry Christmas
Thank you so much for your kind response. And apologies for the delayed reply, I haven't really been online much. They don't listen to my feelings most of the time and usually end up telling me it's my fault I feel that way...which sucks..but I hope we can all change in the future. As of the new year, we've started writing things down as a family, describing what we all feel is going wrong. We wrote down one thing for each family member to change. They keep reminding me to do the things on my list when I don't do them and revert to old habits like shouting when I'm frustrated, but whenever I pick them up on theirs, they always go "it takes time to change". It just feels like my feelings are completely discounted. Hopefully there will be change though, all I can do is hope
I hope you had a great Christmas x
Thanks Liam, ranting definitely helps! All the problems just feels like a constant weight in my mind which I really dislike but can't control, and this board really helps.
Thanks for the kind response 💛