Family Loyalties

Former Member

You know, I'm getting a bit fed up of this family thing. 

After being told since the Christmas rules were released that I would be allowed to go round for Christmas day to spend some time with my grandparents and my mum, I get a message today saying that I am now not allowed to visit. 

I'd understand if they didn't have decorators in. 

You know it makes me feel extremely unwanted. One day I was in the area so I dropped into the garden to say hi - my grandad totally flips his shit basically telling me I shouldn't be there and need to leave - meanwhile they have a decorator inside!!!!

My grandad even said it wants to throw the contents of my room to the skip so that his sister can come visit. There's literally a bed in the spare room - but that's the dogs room so he'd never move that. His sister btw if ores me and wants nothing to do with me, sends gift cards with £0 on them and her children refuse to speak to me which has meant I can't have a relationship with her grandchildren (my second cousins). My grandad literally knows all this and won't even acknowledge it. 

It's weird though because my grandad and I have a GREAT relationship, we get on so so well, he takes me out lots of places and does a lot for me. It's confusing. He's a grumpy old man, he has a soft spot for me so I guess sometimes they overlap. 

It took me blocking my mum, ignoring my grans message and then screaming, swearing and breaking down on a phone call for them to understand how I felt. And now suddenly I'm able to go round again. 

I can't even be arsed with them anymore. I probably sound super ungrateful as I get to see them now, but why do they think it's okay to constantly let me down, push me out and mess with my emotions? 

And to make things even better I agreed to meet my dad's parent for the first time tomorrow. Why did I do that? Idk either. 

Idk why I'm expected to be loyal to my family when all that happens is they screw me over. Asking me not to shut them out - well why do they have the right to hurt me again and again? 

It's so frustrating. I want a relationship with them but without the crap. Sometimes I think it'd have been easier if I just estranged from everyone or ran away for longer than a day when I was younger. 

I often wonder why social work didn't do more for me - ask me what I wanted. If I couldn't live with my mum, I didn't want to stay with other family. I wish they'd asked me what I wanted. Staying with family just screwed with me. Why do social work think it's okay for me to have to see my abuser every day? 

My mum's asked me to move in with her on several occasions but she lets me down every time - I've told her I will never live with her again no matter what. I'm not getting my hopes up to be let down yet again. I think she's actually realised that we can't live together again anyway. I'd go homeless before I'd live with her - or my grandparents now for that matter. 

I just sometimes wish I didn't have my family to tie me down, but since I do have them I'm gonna have to just deal with it. 

My feelings towards my family are complicated. 

I thought about how much easier it would be if I didn't have anyone at all and lived on my own. 

I'm not sure the purpose of this post, it just feels like so much is building up and I just need a wee rant. 

I just think so much about how different life could've been if social work did their job. 

I guess I'm also putting this in the care experienced zone because I'm not 100% sure how well it would fit elsewhere 

Former Member

Hi @Anch0r33

Sorry to hear about your family situation. Families can be very complicated in many ways and the "you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends" saying is very real. ☹️

It's the worst feeling when you feel like your family do not care for you that much in life as families are always supposed to be a support bubble throughout life. I've felt like that with my grandparents quite often and it's a really horrible feeling, particularly where my grandad and step family are concerned. 😐

I noticed you mentioned about you getting along with your grandad very well and that you do things together so there is that to hold on to and to cherish and focus on. 🙂 Some people show their affections in different ways.

It's sometimes easier to be alone as well and that's absolutely ok, however eventually they'll be people in our lives we'll all meet and, if they're the right people, we can choose for them to become like family, so never give up hope.

I'm not great at paragraphs but I hope I have helped and if you ever wanna talk I'm here.

-Liam ❤️🎄

Former Member

Thank you @Past User you wrote that very well. Yeah it definitely makes sense. We generally get along which I can't complain about. It's just the way they sometimes treat me as if I'm still a child or not as much a part of the family as everyone else. It's weird tbh. 

It's really hard to explain the dynamics tbh I feel like I'm not wanted or in the way. 

Former Member

So funny, they've decided again that I can't go round. It was just yesterday that they decided I couldn't then could. It's constant letting me get my hopes up and having them shattered. So fun