Feel weird about a situation

Former Member

So a while ago my best friend had a little get together with a couple of people for some drinks and games. She invited this guy who i hadn't met at the time around as well because he was friends with a few of the other people and was actually having a kind of friends with benefits situation with this other girl. As the night goes on my friend and her boyfriend are kind of pushing for me and this guy to get together, which i said i didnt want to, and they kept making comments towards us. Meanwhile this other girl is getting drunk and ends up going home. Because i felt so uncomfortable i started drinking more and got a bit tipsy. We were playing quite flirty games and i didnt want to be a spoil sport so i participated and my best friend and her boyfriend were pushing me and this guy together more. So it comes to the point where everyone's kind of going to sleep (we stayed at my friends) and my friend starts sending me messages about the guy and doing stuff with him, which i said i didnt want to. He saw my phone and then made a comment about giving them something to talk about. He stated kissing me and i didnt like it but i felt like i couldn't say no because we both had to stay there and i didnt want to make it awkward. I kept trying to stop it in a kind of friendly ' I'm not into this ' kind of way but he didnt take the hint and kept trying. Whilst we didnt sleep together, other stuff happened and i wanted it to be over as quick as possible because i didnt want it to happen in the first place. Ever since i've just felt really guilty and disgusted with myself because i didnt want to do it and i should've stopped it but because i didnt want to make things awkward or ruining the night for my friends i just let it happen. I also felt really guilty because of this other girl who he was kind of seeing but then my best friend told me to not feel guilty because this girl isnt a nice person and was seeing other people anyway. Since then they have fallen out a lot of times and my friend even told this girl about what happened in a bid to make her angry. I cant help but feel like i was just a tool as a way of getting to this girl and it was all kind of my friends plan. The whole situation just feels wrong and i feel sick whenever i think about it. I just feel disgusting. 

Past User

Hi , I’m sorry I have no experience in this area but I wanted to say I definitely don’t think you’re disgusting. It sounds like you were put in an unfair and uncomfortable position. Consent is more than just saying yes or not saying no, if you were uncomfortable and telling him you weren’t into it he should’ve stopped. It’s not your fault what happened, it sounds like that there was a lot of pressure put on you.

 I have no advice and  sorry if this came across rude. We’re all here whenever you need someone to listen. 

Former Member

Hi @Past User

You truly have done nothing wrong. You are not disgusting and this is not your fault

You always deserve to have your consent respected, always. This sounds like it was an uncomfortable situation for you and you felt pressured. That's not your fault in the slightest. 

It's been a few days since your post, apologies that I didn't see it sooner. I'm wondering how you are feeling about things at the moment?

Former Member

Hey there @Past User 

It sounds like you were put in an incredibly uncomfortable position by your friends and by this guy. You did absolutely nothing wrong here. It is not your fault. There are no excuses for not respecting someone's "no" and, in this case, this guy very obviously ignored the fact that you were clearly not interested. That's on him. 

@coc0mac is spot on: you deserve to have your consent respected, always. 

It's been a few days since your post, so I was just wondering how you're feeling now? Please continue posting here if you want to vent, to talk about it, or just feel like you need a friendly chat. We're all here to support you

Former Member

Hi @Past User I would like to start of by welcoming you to the boards and I hope you get the support you need here.
I just want to say what happened that day was not your fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself for it we all make mistakes that we can learn from and by the looks of it your friends forced you to kind of do this which sounds like they aren’t very good friends also when people get a bit tipsy any kind of that we just aren’t in the right mind set to stop everything we are doing 
always here to listen sending big hugs ❤️🤗

Former Member

Hi @Past User 

This made me think for a while to reply this.
Firstly, I'm sorry for what you're going through and I hope you feel better now. You are not disgusting and it is not your fault at all and sounds like that guy needs to learn how to consent and respect your boundaries. 

I also agree along with people here. It's really been days since you posted this, how are you feeling now at the moment? It is okay to talk about it and we're always ready to listen here and support you!

Former Member

@SpaceOtter @coc0mac @Past User  @Emoji246 @Sneakylilmocha

Thank you all for your replies. I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the scenario even happening at all. Every time i think about it i feel uncomfortable and angry at myself. I'm sure with time it I will be able to wrap my head around it but for now I'm just glad that i finally said something about it. It's been eating at me for a while now and even just to post this has helped me. Thanks again for all of your support