Just venting
Past User
Posts: 0 Just got here
Hi I don’t need help, just my thoughts out of my head. I’ve always struggled at night. In a strange way I guess I was always hate going to bed, the quietness gives my thoughts too much time to fester. I used to distract myself with tv until I was too exhausted to think but it made me extremely tired in the day. I’ve switched to write things down and occasionally listening to podcasts. It helps.
Ive had a lot of help from a lot of people lately. The people here always give wonderful support and advice. I see someone once a week at school they’re incredibly nice. My grades slipped massively so a lot of teachers are helping me at lunch times. I just don’t understand why and I feel bad that they’re giving me so much time. Because I’m not doing anything to help myself. Work feels impossible I just find myself sitting and staring it’s like my mind feels blank. The only time I really let things out lately is when I’m here in real life some times I can’t string together a sentence, other times I know what I want to say but I just feel too tired too and some times the words don’t feel like my mine. When I do talk I find myself analysing everything I said , trying to work out if I messed up. The only time I feel alive or like I have any emotions is when I’m crying, which is stupid.
My mind is a bit weirdly lately. I feel toxic , feel like a horrible person. I often get angry at myself from being this way when my life is perfect. But I’m learning to over come the thoughts but they’re still always there. I always feel like people are staring at me or laughing or that when I’m around they’re just waiting for me to disappear. A logical part of me has always known it’s not possible for everyone to hate me. But not everyone likes me so some of my thoughts must be true. I was always too tired to work out which ones were true, it was easier to just go along as if I was a horrible person who needed to be punished. Now I’m challenging the thoughts I have some really good days , but there’s often a lot of guilt that seeps into my mind. What if I was right? What if people really do hate me and now I’m going around all cocky acting like something I’m not.
I signed up for support circle a few times, everytime I get there I keep thinking i shouldn’t be here I’m wasting time. It gets to the point where I feel like I’m going to be sick. So I end up dropping out. I’m sorry if that ever caused anyone to miss out on support.
I keep reminding myself no one thinks about me as much as I do, they probably don’t see all my flaws. I’m just a bit confused right now, my view of myself feels really foggy. I know even if I really was a nuisance no one would tell me. I just don’t want to be the person making everyone miserable.
I’m doing ok sometimes though. I appreciate everyone’s help here. I know I can be a bit annoying and sometimes I’m a bit over cheesy and positive. The reason I do it is I can’t see the positives in myself anymore but I need something positive around me to keep me going, so I guess I force myself to see the positives in the world. Of course I know there’s a lot of bad things out there too, perhaps I’m trying too hard.
I’m not great at advice but I’m always happy to listen.
I apologise if this seems attention seeking it really is just a way to get my thoughts out. Writing it down in a coherent manner helped me challenge my thoughts.
Hope you have a good day. You’re all awesome people 
Comments
I'm sorry if this late but I just want you to know that I am listening and you're not alone here either!
Other than that, I also want you to know that you are valid. It's okay to write here to get it off your chest and I'm proud of you that you're able to share it here!
I can really relate when you say that you hate night time because of the quietness and that allowing you to get deep into your thoughts, it’s not a great feeling.
I always tend to feel really lonely at night when the rest of the world of sleeping and like you, would watch TV or do things to keep myself distracted but that didn’t help in the long run. I was going to school like a walkin, talkin zombie.
It’s really great to hear that you’re getting support. You deserve all of the help that you can get. Please know that you’re not wasting anyone’s time and when you say that you feel bad because “I’m not doing anything to help myself” ... you are doing things to help yourself. By accepting their support, by writing down your thoughts, by challenging your negative thoughts and even by reaching out/venting here. These are all steps to helping yourself, even if you do consider them baby steps. You’re heading in the right direction.
It probably doesn’t mean much coming from me but I know that others will agree with me here. You are not toxic, you’re amazing and you make so many people smile. You’re supportive and your wee positive messages you randomly send are so sweet! They always make me smile. You know, you should be kinder to yourself. You’re a great person, it’s a shame that you struggle to see it sometimes. Maybe you could start writing 3 things you like about yourself along with your thoughts at night? Start practising liking yourself.
I really hear you Re. The support circle thing. SC & circle aren’t really my kinda thing but if you do feel like you’d find that useful, you deserve the support. I know fo sho that if I said that I wanted to go to circle you’d tell me that I deserve to be there. You do too❤️✨
This wasn’t attention seeky and you have nothing to apologise for. You’re doing great.
You’re always so helpful and supportive it really does help brighten up my day. And don’t worry it’s not late at all.
I hope you’re doing well, I’m always here if you ever need anything
I’ll definitely give meditation videos ago, I must admit I’ve always put it off as it’s not my sort of thing but I’ll try anything to my be a zombie anymore.
And if you ever need anyone talk to I’m always happy to listen. The nights can be long and lonely but with the help of everyone here I don’t feel like I’m isolated from the world anymore.
Liam that really does mean a lot thank you. And I’ll definitely start writing three positives down that’s an amazing suggestion.
I get angry myself for being this way but it’s not getting me anywhere. I never really know what I’m supposed to do, there’s no right way to live your life part of me feels like it would be easier if it was. I always worried about the random positive messages to people, I know if I was struggling I’d like it but I was concerned people may find it weird. Thank you liam.
Thank you again, you really are awesome.
Yep, you can just try your best and nobody can ask anything more of you. You’re doing great and you do deserve the support that you’re getting ❤️
ps. The random messages are really sweet, don’t feel worried😁
No bother pal, always here
Just writing things out again. I don’t expect anyone to read this. It’s just a pity party to be honest.
I’ve got myself in a good routine. I write things out then I listen to a podcast for a bit before watching some calming videos I found on YouTube(Liam’s wonderful suggestion) . I normally write in a diary but it’s often just a ramble. Tonight I felt I needed to write more coherently, talking here helps me think clearer.
I keep thinking I shouldn’t be here on this site and that I’m just taking up space and being a nuisance. But I’d rather be a nuisance than feel trapped inside my own head. I know that’s selfish but I’m trying to give back a little too at the same time. I’m grateful for the help everyone has given me. I’m seven weeks self harm free.
I don’t feel like I’m enough. I’m kind , I have a good intentions but I’m not good at acting on things. I care about people but I don’t show it the way I should. I feel useless, I don’t know if that’s the case but it’s how I feel. I often find myself staring in the mirror crying and asking myself why I’m like this. The person doesn’t feel like me anymore, I feel like a robot.
I’ve found a way to make things a little better, it’s silly but I put an uplifting song on and I force myself to sing along in the mirror as overtop as I can until I either burst out laughing or feel calmer.
I have an amazing head of sixth form. She’s given me a lot of help. She told me to write a list of everything I needed to do, she helped me break it down, and she gave me a good plan too. I’m grateful for her help , I shouldn’t need it I know that but I’m grateful. She kept telling me people would want to help because they liked me, it felt wrong. I don’t understand why someone would like someone as large as me. She also told me she’s going to ring next week to check I’m ok ( we’re learning from home as school shut early). I told her I don’t need her to do that but she kept insisting. I don’t want to waste her time, I got myself in this mess, nothing bad happened to me. And I don’t want my parents to know how bad I let things get.
Possible TW (body image)
My parents are good people they just argue a lot like most people do but I can’t cope with it. Dad’s a good person but there’s most days his mood shifts randomly and he gets annoyed at everything, sometimes it’s only for a few minutes but sometimes it’s all day. (He’s a good person just has bad moods). Mum gets upset and she talks to me about it. But I hate it, I don’t want to think about it I’ll just get frustrated. I’m the only person mum has to vent to I should just listen. They’re good people I just think if I wasn’t their daughter they wouldn’t like me. Unconditional love is why they don’t see who I really am. They complain about people on tv or people they pass by, I know most people do, I’m just being over sensitive but it really gets to me. They call people ugly or fat, but the people look just like me. So I start thinking is that what people think of me. Body image is something I try not to think about but some days I can’t shift the feeling that people are laughing or staring. I know it’s what’s inside that counts but that’s not exactly great either. I feel ugly on the inside too. I’m trying to change though. I’m trying very hard to be better. I decided to apply to university, maybe it’ll make me a better person.
I’m going to be ok. I’m just having trouble understanding some things. I’ve been writing things down, positives about myself. I try, I listen to people and I’m kind by wishing people a happy day.
Sorry for my ramble.
I also can relate to some of your situations, sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere and don't feel like no one cares about me but in the end, there will be someone who will always be there to support me (including you ofc!)
Don't forget to treat yourself kindly and doing self-compassion. I know you're already saying that to me but this also might help you in the long run!
I'll echo of what Liam said, you're doing great and deserve some support. I also see you as a supportive and caring person I've met online.
I couldn't write a lot like most people here do, but I'm happy to listen!
i just want to say that you are so brave to post all your thoughts on here I’m so proud of you ❤️I hope you are feeling a bit better now
sending big!🤗❤️
I just want to clarify my parents are wonderful amazing people and I’m so lucky to have them. They love me a lot. But like most families we argue a lot especially when there’s added pressures like financial trouble. I’m just tired anyway so I’m not the best at tolerating things. Sorry I know this makes me sound really ungrateful. But writing everything out was a load off.
Im angry tonight, I don’t have a reason to be angry and I don’t even know what I’m angry about. I just feel like throwing or breaking something. It’s like my whole body is full of energy and I can’t sit still. Everything just feels so uncomfortable, I feel like I’m wearing a horrible itchy jumper I can’t take off. 😂
I thought writing things out would allow me to collect my thoughts. It gives me something to focus on. I’ve written out three positives too, I did some meditation even did some stretching. I contemplated contacting a help line but I don’t think I’m at that point, I’d just be wasting time.
I do something I shouldn’t. I compare myself to others all the time, I think we all do but I focus on it too much. I let it consume me. I’ve been trying not to. I feel guilty for having the things I do. I have two loving parents and a nice home and I’m healthy physically. I’ve never suffered or been hurt. I live a very nice life. But I’m still unhappy, I still cry all the time. People go through hell and back but spread positivity and talk about appreciating what they have, they talk about holding onto happiness, they’re incredibly strong. I must be the weakest and most ungrateful person in the world. I’m sad and tired for no reason. I keep reminding myself that I’m in charge of my own life and no one else’s and to focus on my own happiness , and if I’m struggling that’s ok i still deserve help but I don’t always believe my own words.
I’m annoyed I guess (I feel a lot better now than I did when I started writing this) I feel like I’m wasting a good life, I’m wasting happiness.
I’m ok though. I hope no one read all this, if really is for my own personal benefit. I’ve used this site a lot lately I don’t want to become a burden.
If anyone ever needs anything I’m always happy to listen. Have a very happy day
Hi I just want to say that you are not weak and you are not ungrateful at all you are a strong person trust me and you are such a good person and always try your best to help people who need help even when your feeling low yourself please don’t forget that a lot of people care about you and want to help you so keep going !❤️
I do agree of what @Emoji246 said, I'm sorry i couldn't reply you all the time and I still busy on my job and all but, I really want you to know that I'm always listening to you. Here's the heart 💜💜