Anxiety over Crossing the road

Past User

I’m sorry to be a nuisance again. But this is something that’s been bothering me for a while. Things are a bit overwhelming right now and I’m trying to take my problems one at a time. Thought this might be a decent start.

I struggle crossing the road and it can sometimes take me ten minutes to gather the courage, which is quite embarrassing. 

Sorry I tend to ramble so I’m going to put the background information in a spoiler because you don’t really need to know it.

I walk the dog every day, it’s my happy place it’s the time I can calm down and feel at peace.
However I struggle in the winter. I often end up walking the dog in the dark which means I have to change my usual route as my parents don’t like me walking down a dark lane where cars tend to speed. (My dog wears a bright yellow jacket but they still worry which I understand)

Anyway this means I have to go a route that means I have to cross a really busy part of the road. It’s part of a junction where a lot of accidents have happened. And I panic . I always second guess myself even if a car is indicating the other way I still won’t cross, because I don’t trust myself. The longer I stand there the more upset my dog gets, he whines and barks which makes me feel like everyone is staring. I know this is silly but it makes me feel like sitting on the floor and crying. My face heats up and I feel like I’m shaking. It’s gotten to the point where it takes me over an hour to build up the courage to walk him and I always feel like a failure afterwards.

 I always walk him late in the evening because if I’m honest I’m avoiding people. My dog is very small and cute meaning he’s not intimidating so people like to stroke him but he doesn’t like strangers. The other week a woman crossed the road with her dog to see my dog. My dog was visibly upset but she wouldn’t move and she was blocking the path and I couldn’t speak because my mind was racing. I felt rude for staying silent and the whole thing was just embarrassing.  I know it’s silly because she didn’t do anything wrong it just left me really upset. 

I don’t like listening to music while walking because I like to be aware of my surroundings. Last time I nearly walked into a poor lady because I was to overwhelmed listening to music and keeping track of the world around me.

 Sorry if this sounded rude or annoying. Thank you for reading. 

I know this is really silly but it’s really been troubling me.

If anyone has any tips for nerves over crossing the road I’d greatly appreciate it. But don’t worry if you don’t . Have an amazing day 

Former Member

Hi, SpaceOtter! How are you today?

Firstly, I hope you're doing well.

It's okay, you're not being a nuisance and it's not rude or annoying at all.
I also had try crossing on a road before and it's giving me anxiety too because a lot of cars and motorbikes were too fast, most people in my country aren't always aware and they only focus on themselves to reach their own destination while some people want to cross the road , so it's hard for me to cross  (i don't know how to write these words in english tho) 

I don't know if this useful, but maybe change your schedule to walk with your dog instead? As far as I know, In evening there are lots of vehicles everywhere on the road since most people are going to their homes from their jobs. I don't know where you live since I live in tropical country so I can't relate much. 

Past User

I’m ok thank you. Thanks for your reply I really appreciate it.

Changing my schedule is a good idea but I’m not sure. I feel like I’m between a rock and hard place. It’s walk the dog In the dark and struggle crossing the road or walk the dog in the day and deal with my silly worries and embarrassment over bumping into people. It’s really silly that I struggle with this, there’s a lot worse problems to have I’m just being stupid.

Thanks again and I hope you have a wonderful day 

Oli123

Hi Space Otter, 

First of all, you're not a nuisance for having feelings and asking for help.
I completely get the thing about not listening to music, it's a lot safer to be able to hear your surroundings.

If you were to change your schedule to walk your dog during the day, the way you could avoid talking to people is by pretending you've got a phone call. Have the ringtone settings up on your phone so you can play it to imitate a ringtone and fake answer and talk. I know it isn't ideal but it's helped me in the past  😂

If you still walk your dog on a night-time, you could:
 1) appeal to your local council to have speed bumps put in the road that you usually take
2) have something to repeat in your head when you're trying to cross the road (like a calming mechanism repeated phrase). 
3) Walk with a bright torch. Don't shine it into the driver's eyes, but you could use it to let them know you're there. 
4) If your dog has a reflective vest, there's no reason why you shouldn't get one too. I personally have a reflective backpack. It makes me feel safe

And in terms of people staring. Ignore them, your safety (and your dog's safety) is 100000% more important than someone else's judgement. 

NEVER feel embarrassed or ashamed for being reluctant to converse with people. It's your choice and your life and people should respect your personal space and body language. 

You have nothing to prove to people! 💗

I'm sorry I cant offer more advice. I hope things get better 💗x

Past User

Thank you @Oli123 I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. You gave me some really good  advice so thank you.

That sounds like a cool back pack, you’re totally right about me wearing something bright as well, I’ll definitely do that as it should put me at ease.
The phone idea was really good too I never would of thought of doing that. 

Thank you for the advice I really appreciate it. I hope you’re doing well I’m always happy to listen if you ever need anything. 

Former Member

Hi @SpaceOtter

Not a nuisance at all! I'm proud of you for sharing this with us and pleased that you did because we are all here to support you

It seems like the others have shared some great advice already, which is lovely to see! So I'd definitely like to echo that. If any tips do work it would be amazing to hear! And if they don't, we can all club together to think of a few more ideas for sure

I really hope everything goes okay! big hugs

Past User

Thank you @coc0mac that really means a lot I hope you’re doing good. I’m here if you need anything 

Past User

Thank you for everyone’s advice. I’m doing really good with crossing the road right now. 

I bought  a torch for when I walk down dark lanes and a bright reflective key ring  that hangs on my coat, it means drivers can see me but it’s not too distracting.

And when I’m crossing the road and begin to panic I take a few deep breath’s and remind myself to take as long as I need. Everyone’s reassurances helped a lot, I can’t put into words how grateful I am. 

Thank you again. Being able to enjoy walking the dog again without panicking has helped a lot.

I wish everyone a good day 

Former Member

Ah wow, I am so pleased to hear that @SpaceOtter and super proud of you! Thank you so much for sharing this positive update with us. Have a lovely rest of your day

Former Member

Hey @SpaceOtter
First of all I just want to let you know that you are never being a nuisance
This is nothing to be embarrassed about not being able to cross the road quickly we all have different fears we face we should not be ashamed of it sending big hugs ❤️

As you already know I’m always here if you need to talk 🤗