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(TW: Violence) Violent gesture?
Former Member
Posts: 177 Helping Hand
I post another tw thread again since I'm very confused researching about this kind of topic.
There is one that bothered me the most recently,
Over past years, my brother changed now. He doesn't yell a lot, but he still does it and I believe that he might be verbally abusive even him and my parents don't realize it.
Around May in this year, he started to live with us after he study abroad because of this pandemic. He changed a bit, I admitted that he's more fun than he was before, but he still lack of physical boundaries.
What bothered me the most is that sometimes he suddenly likes put both of his hands like he's choking me.
"You're so cute!", "How are you?" Those what he said before he put his hands on my neck or even while he saw me went home. It only last for a moment tho, and I guess he pressed it hard sometimes because he didn't realize it much? I told him to stop doing that few times before. I tried to tell my parents before, but they said that "he's just playing with you." And "don't take it seriously, you brother loves you!", etc. For now, He's doing it less but he still does it.
What do you guys think about this?
There is one that bothered me the most recently,
Over past years, my brother changed now. He doesn't yell a lot, but he still does it and I believe that he might be verbally abusive even him and my parents don't realize it.
Around May in this year, he started to live with us after he study abroad because of this pandemic. He changed a bit, I admitted that he's more fun than he was before, but he still lack of physical boundaries.
What bothered me the most is that sometimes he suddenly likes put both of his hands like he's choking me.
"You're so cute!", "How are you?" Those what he said before he put his hands on my neck or even while he saw me went home. It only last for a moment tho, and I guess he pressed it hard sometimes because he didn't realize it much? I told him to stop doing that few times before. I tried to tell my parents before, but they said that "he's just playing with you." And "don't take it seriously, you brother loves you!", etc. For now, He's doing it less but he still does it.
What do you guys think about this?
Not that I call a traumatic experience, but it's pretty disturbing for me.
Mod edit: moved from Health & Wellbeing on request
Post edited by JustV on
1
Comments
I also, heard that It means he's violent and controlling gesture if he tries to grab my throat, I get uncomfortable but everytime he does that, he says that he does it 'playfully'. Should I be worried?
Your feelings are so valid. If you feel uncomfortable by it then you absolutely deserve that be listened to! Regardless of whether he's doing it on purpose or whether he actually is being playful, you feel uncomfortable with this (and I feel that's understandable!) so it really should stop.
How would you feel about talking to your parents again and explaining that, although they see it as playful, it really does bother you and that you'd really appreciate if they could intervene? You deserve to feel listened to
It's hard for me to validate my own feelings recently, but thank you for saying my feelings are valid. I really appreciate it!
About telling to my parents, nothing has changed much. They don't really care about it and really desperate for me to make our sibling 'relationship' perfect. Even I tried to speak up to my mom (most of the time) I just ended up being blamed then calling me selfish for not caring my brother and my mom enough, saying I'll ended up having a bad future if I treated my brother like that. My dad, sometimes he 'does' agree and confronted him a little but my brother told my dad that he was just 'playing' then my dad became convinced and lectured me in the end.
(I'm so sorry this is long and I mentioned my brother and my mom a lot.)
I’m really sorry to hear about what your brother is doing and how it is disturbing you. As @coc0mac has rightly said, your feelings are valid - if this is affecting you then it doesn’t matter if it’s with ‘playful’ intentions or not. It sounds like your parents aren’t helping much either.
- Lucy
Thank you for your response and sending me hugs, I really appreciate it!
Sadly, I feel pretty disappointing. I think he did realize sometimes, when my mom scolding him after he yelled at me. He became really angry and said it was his fault then stormed off somewhere else. It was insincere while he had to admit it in front of my parents. Sometimes while I said stopped what he was doing or until I harmed him in defense (He kept 'playfully' touching me as I kept telling him to stop) , he immediately stopped, winced in pain and went to somewhere else or to the bathroom while there's a small injury on him.