I Just Can't Stay Strong Anymore

Dancer

I just don't know if I can stay strong anymore and I keep on bottling everything up and not feeling able to talk to anyone. It makes me feel really isolated from everyone especially at school. People at school think that I am rude or annoying when I don't talk to them but it constantly feels like everyone is judging me especially after what I have been through in the past. It feels like the past bullying is really beginning to affect me with my confidence and trust. I just want to give up as it just feels like there is no point in even trying anymore. I'm sorry for being a burden.

On Tuesday I managed to open up to my mum a bit about how I get really panicky and it makes me heart race and my chest goes tight. Feels awful for me and I just don't know who to talk to. My mum contacted my student support officer about it after what I told her and my student support officer is going to try and contact staff at school as I have been showing signs of anxiety to see if there is anyone who has been through anxiety who can help me with coping mechanisms. Not sure if I can be honest with anyone though. I don't know what will happen though.

If I am too honest then my parents might want to find out the complete truth and I don't want them to know that I use The Mix as it feels like it is supposed to be my safe space. But if I keep on bottling it up then I might begin to feel suicidal and that is really distressing me for me. I know that I need support but I just don't know what to do. Not sure if I can honestly fully open up to my family or my student support officer. Some of my teachers have noticed that I have really not been myself but I don't feel able to talk about why.

I'm just so sorry. 😭

Dancer

The thoughts in my mind keep on making me feel really low about myself and the thoughts make me think that I am stupid, worthless, irrelevant, ugly and that I will never be able to do anything good. Also makes me feel like everyone is judging me. I am safe before anyone gets concerned about me. Not even showered for days because I just don't know what the point is. 😭☹

Past User

Hey Kasa I’m really sorry to hear how tough everything is right now. Firstly you are never ever a burden. You’re an amazing beautiful soul who is struggling and that’s ok. You’re such a bright light in this community and we will always be here for you. Whatever you need I’m always happy to listen. I’m glad the Mix is a safe place for you it’s good to have some where you can go to open up. You don’t have to go through any of this on your own.

I’m sorry to hear how hard everything at school is, it’s understandable that you’re really struggling after everything that has happened. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice. I just want to say none of this is your fault, you’re one of the funniest, bravest and smartest people I’ve ever known. I love speaking to you in chats, it always brightens up my day.

 I’m incredibly proud of you for opening up. I know how tough that must have been. And I really hope it means that now you’ll get the help and support you deserve. Because kasa you deserve support and someone to listen to you. You deserve the world. All your feelings are valid and you’re always welcome here, we will always listen.

 I understand how scary everything must be right now. Maybe you could write out the bits you want to tell your parents. And I know opening up is tough so take it at a speed you’re comfortable with. We’re always here kasa.

You have nothing to apologise for. I just wish I could do more. You’re a phenomenal individual and I’m so blessed to know you. 

(I’m sorry I can’t help more and sorry if this came across rude) 

Past User

Kasa I know how it feels to be overwhelmed with negative thoughts. But you are an amazing beautiful individual. We all care so deeply about you kasa. I wish you could see how wonderful  you are. 

I don’t know if this will help but something someone said to me is “no one ever thinks about us as much as we do”. When I feel like everyone is judging me I think about all the nice things people have said to me in the past. Maybe here’s somethings you can remind yourself with

-You’re an amazing article writer.
-You’re incredible at helping others and  you always make me smile
-Eventhough it’s really hard you continue to open up and fight through the dark days.
-You're so strong and brave kasa I truly admire you.
-You have an amazing taste in music and always introduce me to inspirational songs.
-Your posts are always so uplifting and often make my day.


Sometimes when our thoughts get too much it can be difficult to do even simple tasks. Sometimes it’s about doing what we can, drinking lots of water or just washing our face.

Posting here like you have was an amazing and strong thing to do. We’re always here for you Kasa.

Former Member

Hi, I'm not good at saying things, but I know that this kind of situation is tough for you right now, it never fades away so easily for days, months or years and I know that.

Honestly, I am new here and I read what SpaceOtter said that you made someone's day and I saw your posts that are fun and some of them are positive yet encouraging at the same time, and I'm happy for you. 

I just want to let you know that, you are still strong until now. Some days can be feel miserable and not strong enough sometimes, but you do, you're strong even you don't feel like it! Don't forget to take care of yourself, even with simple small tasks are enough for you.

Dancer

Thank you so much everyone. It is really hard for me to constantly be bottling everything up and staying strong whilst pretending to be okay but it feels easier than being judged for being different. If that makes any sense. There have been a few times where I have come close to contacting Crisis Messenger but I don't feel able to. Sorry.  @SpaceOtter Your replies were lovely and did not come across as rude.

Past User

Hey kasa you don’t have to go through any of this on your own.

Everybody has their own battle and struggles we can’t see, it’s hard to open up to people about them but I promise you have nothing to be ashamed of.

We’re all proud of you kasa 

Contacting a crisis line can be scary but at the times when I’ve been at my lowest they have given me incredible support and have helped me feel like I wasn’t alone. But it’s perfectly ok if you don’t feel comfortable contacting them, I’m always here if you need someone to talk to 

Former Member

Hey Kasa,

Just wanted to pop on to send you some hugs and let you know that we really care about you and we are here if you want to talk

How are you feeling today?