Sexual attraction

Former Member

Is it possible to love your partner but not find them sexually attractive? 

I have been with my partner for over a year now and I love him more than I have loved anyone before but there’s just one things that’s getting in the way, I’m starting to find the sex repetitive, we are always doing the same thing and I find whenever he is in the mood, it’s mostly fulfilling his needs rather than mine. My sexual desires are starting to wonder elsewhere, I’m finding myself wanting to experience more sexual things and be more adventurous and I’d love to experience more with him but I just know my partner won’t want the same. I’m scared because I don’t know how to tell him all of this. 

Former Member

Hi Dylan, I think it's entirely possible to love someone but not find them sexually attractive. However, from what you have said you haven't mentioned that you don't find them attractive, rather you find the act itself unfulfilling/one-sided. Would that be correct? 

For most relationships, sex is an important aspect and its important we can communicate how we are feeling sexually with our partner; its one of the foundations for good communication in a relationship. You mention that your partner won't feel the same way about being more "adventurous" what makes you think that?

Is there anyway you feel you could communicate with him about how you are feeling?

Former Member

Het @DylanJames !

I agree with what @Jordan has said about communication. Communication is key. I think this might help your situation greatly because I think you're trying to suggest something new in the bedroom. 

I think doing sex can be much easier than talking about sex so sometimes we fall into "sex routines". Good sexual communication could give you the confidence to discuss new adventurous things you'd like to try. 

https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/how-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-sex-23053.html 
I have attached an article about sexual communication. Hopefully this should give you some tips on how to initiate conversations about sex. 

In regards to sexual attraction, it is possible to love your partner and find them sexually attractive. It is also possible to love your partner and not find them sexually attractive. Romantic love is a very interesting thing because it is so complicated. Having sex all the time doesn't "prove" how much you love someone. From what you have said, your relationship sounds very loving and caring. I hope you find the time to have a chat with your partner about your sex life. 

Hope everything works out!

Former Member

@Jordan

That is correct, I definitely do find him attractive, maybe that wasn’t the right wording but I’m glad you got what I meant. I’m just very unsure on how to approach him and what to say, like I had mentioned his needs seem to be more of a priority rather than mine, maybe it’s because I can feel the sex dying out so I’m not wanting it as much and that’s why I’m wanting to be more “adventurous” and so it feels like he’s wanting to do it more. Either way I’m struggling to be happy even though I love him very much and don’t want things to end. 

Former Member

@Tee A

Thank you so much! I will definitely take a look at the article! You’ve been a big help and so has @Jordan