awkward movements (Anxiety)

One-in-a-million

I haven't actually seen the GP so I cannot be sure but I think I may have anxiety, I have gone into more depth in another post but for now I wanted to ask something completely different here. Does anyone find that if you are feeling stressed or anxious you do something such as shake your leg or pat your knees etc.

So I had a moment at work, I just let the room leader I was going to take a moment and she was ok with it. So I popped into the staff toilet and took a few breaths, I came out and the manager had come to check on me, she asked if I was ok and I told her I was, she then asked if I was sure and asked if I needed a chat. I went over to the office and said I was ok and just felt a bit stressed. She asked me what was causinging me to stress and I told her I didn't know.. that's when I realized I had my arms by the side of me and was patting the side of my legs, I didn't even realize I was doing it. Now I feel awkward about it as it must have looked silly, she didn't mention it and neither did I but I feel so awkward about doing it.

I know I've never really done this before but I have notice since I started thinking my metal health wasn't quite right I tend to fiddle with things or what I find most embarrassing I suck my tounge and have done since I was little. Its ok when your a kid or on your own but if I'm at work and start sucking my tounge (which I don't usually notice I'm doing) it would be a little weird.


I didn't tell my managers at first about my metal health for 2 reasons,
1. I didn't want to say I have something that I haven't such as saying I have anxiety but then finding out it's just me over-reacting
2. I was worried about how they would react and that they would want to get rid of me, or question if I would be able to do my job.

but after talking to some members on here I decided to write a note for them to read, to my surprise they both took it really well and have been really supportive. I have seen one of them more than the other due to shift patterns as shes been fantastic. I got upset on Monday..I felt really overwhelmed but wasn't sure why. She was in the room I worked in at the time and I just popped my head round and said that I would be in soon. She asked if I was ok I said yes and disappeared but shes obviously good at reading people ha h ha,  as she followed me and saw me crying.  We chatted for a little while, I assured her it wasn't work that was getting me down. It was the initial getting to work as I keep telling myself that sooner or later they are going to realize how bad at my job I am, that it will turn out like most of my other jobs, it starts all nice and then I get comfortable and then I become the persons causing the issues, making mistake, not fitting in, not working good enough. I don't seem to fit in easily and I just feel that they deserve better so does my family and friends and sooner or later they will realize that and regret that they have me instead.

Work has been a distraction for me, it just so happens that people are there to witness when I get upset where as if i'm at home I just go to my room so no one knows.

so as I say I have an appointment on Tuesday, I am supposed to be at work. My manager said she was proud of me for taking her advice and deciding to speak to someone. She then joked that if I tried to avoid the appointment she would lock me in the staff room until I spoke to them ha ha ha.. I found the funny side   


anyway she was going to let me go home early but I said that as it was a phone appointment I didn't mind going into the staff room and then returning to work after, I would rather have the distraction of work after the appointment to be honest as I imagine I'm gonna get upset and would probable dwell on it sat at home. There are just a few things I'm worried about... 
1. what if she/he calls early or late meaning I have to come out of the nursery room early to take the call or miss it.
2. What if it runs over and I'm taking up someones dinner time...
3. What if I do get upset and someone comes in the staff room at the time to hear whats happening or wants to know if I'm ok
4. I said that I would like to finish my shift after but what if it ends up that I am too upset?

also how do I deal with the habits I've stated above such as tapping the side of my legs, sucking my tounge etc I don't want to come across as weird or annoying

Thanks and sorry it's long

Dandelion

Hey, well done for taking the step to make an appointment that’s really good. I understand what you mean about moving subconsciously when your anxious I fiddle with my hands a lot and I don’t even notice I’m doing it. I know it’s really hard to stop what I normally do is put something in my pocket to fiddle with, I wear a lab coat at work though so the pockets are quite big, so then I can just put my hands in my pocket and fiddle with it so it just looks like my hands are in my pockets. I wouldn’t be too worried about look weird or anything though I think a lot of people tap or fiddle with stuff when they’re stressed. 

At my GP they tell us to be ready 10 minutes early for a phone appointment so maybe you could just go out 10 minutes early and then if it is early you’ll be prepared. Is there anywhere else you could do it if you’re worried about someone coming in, is there a spare room or office you could sit it?  If you get upset after it’s understandable and I’m sure your manager will understand if you need to take a minute. If you find that your really upset by it your manager sounds really understanding so I’m sure if you talk to them they would allow you to go home if you need to xx

One-in-a-million

Thank you, I fo have a fidget cube unfortunately I have no pockets in my uniform 😂 and it’s hard to use in a nursery in case a child sees it. No one has said anything about my fidgeting  which is usually my hands unless I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed such as yesterday which led to me as I said tapping the side if my legs. They haven’t said anything and I think it’s either out of politeness or understanding. I know it shouldn’t matter but it does bug me and I end up wondering what they must think of me.

I have called the service and asked if they could call me straight away after if I don’t pick up the first time (I’m planning on asking if my manager minds me leaving my phone on so that they can shout me if the call too early. Unfortunately there isn’t another room I can go in so I’m hoping that either the managers ensure no one comes in by making sure the staff room isn’t required at that time or I just get lucky and no o e enters, failing that I’m going have to think about making something up so that it seems trivial rather than everyone finding out. So hopefully it will go according to plan because there is nowhere else for me to go  

This morning wasn’t great I felt really anxious but I didn’t know what about. Possibly the fact I’m anticipating the appointment, I had arrived at the nursery quote early as I forgot I was on a later start (early by about 1hr) I usually get there about half an hour early. So I decided to take a walk to see if it calmed me down... it didn’t but I didn’t want them to know so I tried to act as natural as possible.. but now I’m feeling much better, not 100% but I’m about as normal as I’m gonna be ha ha ha, as it happens the child I work with has been in a very loveable mood today so I’ve had plenty of laughs and cuddles which have helped, as well as the actual work keeping me busy.  

So hopefully it will last for a bit 

thank you again

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One-in-a-million

Thank you @errrin
it is easier to just do it, it does feel awkward but I think they understand. I mentioned it to my room leader who said she hadn’t even noticed, which is good and then she said she wouldn’t think anything of it anyway. I do have one question, do you find certain smells comforting? It might be because I could smell it at the time but just lately I find my perfume quite comforting. So same as when I was telling my manager about it I had my mask on, which because I lowered it earlier that day smelt of my perfume. It’s never done much before but along with leg tapping I like wearing my mask due to the smell.. not sure if that weird or not. Just wish this appointment would hurry up!

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One-in-a-million

Thanks @errrin there is no way my manager hasn’t noticed tho but I suppose it is what it is, I think she gets it tho so.. it’s just something else my brain likes to plauge me with “You must look as stupid to others!” It’s both a relief and a dread that my phone call isn’t earlier.. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and how much I dread what it’s going to be like and how it’s going go. But at the same time I’m like “at least it’s not right now.” 

I’ve noticed I’m doing a lot of stuff lately that I wouldn’t normally do or haven’t for a long time, for example along with the leg tapping, I used to sleep with a teddy when I was younger and haven’t done that for many years but a few nights back I really couldn’t settle and wanted to cuddle something so I ended up cuddling a pillow. I know a lot of adults still cuddle something but it is something I haven’t done in years. Another one was going for a meal and I couldn’t sit in the chair facing the window with my back towards the rest of the restaurant it wouldn’t usually bother me but I felt really uncomfortable for some reason.

I don’t usually use perfume a lot but for some reason this one seems to help.. maybe it’s not so much about what the smell is but more the facts it’s a nice smell and it distracts the brain a little? I have no idea..

Ps I meant to say, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who sucks my tongue it is a habit I’m trying to break as it’s something I do a lot and always have such as if I’m unwell or tired or anything.. I’ll just randomly start doing it. My mate knows I do it and I asked her why she doesn’t stop me, she said “It’s not causing any harm, if you find it soothing then thats all that matters.”

also thank you for listening and I’m here is you need to talk too and that includes anyone who needs to talk ill do my best.