Parents that just won't divorce

Brewster

For the past 6 years, my parents have been on and off arguing about different things, and most of the arguments they have are what I'd consider trust breaking, and worthy of considering divorce. Both of my parents each have their own problems (dad drinks, mum seems to get a rise out of arguing) so sometimes it actually ends up with the police getting involved, sometimes even taking one of them away for the night. I've recently gotten to the point where even when they're not arguing, I just feel on edge, waiting for the next argument to explode and it gets so exhausting wondering if every raised voice is just one of them talking to the other from a different room or if the next spat is about to begin. I've told them how their arguments make me feel, I've even seen a counsellor, but I just don't feel like they get it. I was hoping maybe I could find someone on here who has experienced something similar and can understand how I feel, or possibly even give some advice on how to not feel like this all the time. 

independent_

hey @Brewster and welcome to the boards it's great to have you here. You've come to the right place if you're looking for people with similar experiences, it's a great community and we're all here to support each other with whatever we're going through.

This situation sounds really difficult, I feel like your home and your family should be your safe place and it doesn't sound like you feel like that's the case for you. I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling that way. 

I don't really have any advice for you, the trouble I think with this sort of situation is that you can explain how you feel all you like, but no outsider can fix a couple's relationship problems or decide the future of their relationship, that's on them and if they're not willing to change that's really tough for anyone caught up in the middle of it. Do you feel like they listen to what you say about how it makes you feel, and that they have heard what you say?

You're always welcome to post on here if you need to rant about an argument they've had, or if you need someone to talk to. Take care, sending big hugs  

marisol

my parents had me by mistake and decided to get together a year later to make it easier to raise a kid. in 2008 they had my brother, and got married in 2009. they then had my sister in 2011. however when my mum was pregnant with my sister, my dad attempted to pay her to abort the baby, and when my mum refused it caused a rift in their relationship. since then, screaming matches and the occasional brawls have been a common occurrence in my house, and my mum wants to leave but she isn’t financially able. she has a minimum wage job, three kids who would leave with her in a heartbeat and no where to go and no way to support us. my dad was supposed to move out to my auntie’s around eight months ago, but covid restrictions prevented it and we had to live with him throughout lockdown, which was painful in itself. constant emotional abuse and bullying made our mental health decline and it was frequent for most of us to cry ourselves to sleep. my sister would often climb into my bed because she’s hurting too, which no 9 year old should be. now we’re back in another lockdown and my parents want to try and work through it and stay together, and already a day into lockdown my mum’s in tears, my brother’s packed a bag to run away and my sister hid inside her wardrobe and refused to come out until the screaming stopped. and being the eldest child im the one who has to take care of them because my parents are preoccupied with “fixing their relationship” 

Tee A

Hey @Brewster and @marisol

I think both of you are going through a lot at the moment. 

I don't know what you are going through but I will try my best to give some advice. 
I think a family intervention could be a good idea. You could try to organise a day where you and your family could sit down and discuss how the arguments are making you feel. I think writing all your emotions down will help you get all your thoughts on paper. If this is too intense, each family member could write letters to each other instead.This should hopefully prevent people from arguing with one another. 

Are you both safe? 
Is there somewhere else you could go? You are allowed to leave your house during lockdown if you fear for your safety. 

I hope this helps!