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Was I reasonable or selfish?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 242 Trailblazer
in Sex & Relationships
CONTENT WARNING: Sex.

A few weeks ago I met with this guy, for privacy sake his name is B. We had a few drinks, and we exchanged numbers. For a few weeks now, we planned to meet again and possibly take things further, like we expressed...except I did some searching and it turns out this guy is one that will shag anything on two feet. At the last minute, I got cold feet and we delayed it.

I finally got around to doing so, and again...I got cold feet. When asked why I would not sleep with him, instead of telling him straight, I told him a lie that lockdown makes it stupidly hard for me to get to (which is partially true). Now I am unsure if I was a selfish prick that let rumours beat me, or if I did the sensible thing. Either way, he is not interested now, and it seems like I was the bad guy going away...

Was I the bad guy here or did I do the right thing and delayed things?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 991 Part of The Mix Family
    edited September 2024
    That definitely sounds like a tough situation to be in @Past User and I'm sorry you had such a bad experience trying to navigate this by yourself. I'm sure you've heard this before but there's always more fish in the sea, even if things didn't work out with B there's no reason you won't have better luck with someone else you meet. :)

    I can't really make a judgement whether you did the right thing or not since I'm not the one involved in the situation but I will say you should never feel bad about valuing your own feelings and personal comfort, especially if you're looking for a relationship. Sometimes people just want different things and it's not meant to be, it's unfortunate but it shouldn't stop you from moving on and trying to find someone else. I hope that helps. <3
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • independent_independent_ Community Connector Posts: 9,952 Supreme Poster
    I think the most important thing when it comes to sex is that you're comfortable, so if you were uncomfortable, you totally did the right thing by taking a step back. 

    You've got to be comfortable with the situation before you sleep with someone. That means different things to different people, but whatever it means for you, that's valid and ok.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 343 The Mix Regular
    Will just echo what others have said just so you know that you are not a bad guy for not wanting to do something. When it comes to sex it is important we are comfortable with not only what we do, but the people we do it with. It sounds like you weren't comfortable with the idea of sleeping with this person.

    It doesn't matter what the reason is, if you don't feel comfortable doing it, it is perfectly acceptable to get cold feet and not do anything.
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