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I Think There Is Something Wrong
Former Member
Posts: 242 Trailblazer
This is going to sound really, really weird, but have you ever felt like you are meant to be someone else? Like, not gender or anything, but like...someone else, somewhere else?
Out of nowhere, I feel like I need to completely re-invent myself and create new things for people to know me for. I started styling my hair differently, started to explore my sexuality (which, is a complex subject in it's own jumping from fully fledged gay to male-leading bisexual depending how I feel), started to really find out what my true hobbies and passions are...
It feels like from day one, I was meant to be someone else. Like up until this moment my life has been a complete utter lie. I feel like it is something I need to talk to my doctor about, but I just can't...bring myself to think about being someone who like Thing X and was Person Y for said amount of years...I want to completely re-invent myself.
And idk how else to explain this weird phenomenon in my life right now.
Out of nowhere, I feel like I need to completely re-invent myself and create new things for people to know me for. I started styling my hair differently, started to explore my sexuality (which, is a complex subject in it's own jumping from fully fledged gay to male-leading bisexual depending how I feel), started to really find out what my true hobbies and passions are...
It feels like from day one, I was meant to be someone else. Like up until this moment my life has been a complete utter lie. I feel like it is something I need to talk to my doctor about, but I just can't...bring myself to think about being someone who like Thing X and was Person Y for said amount of years...I want to completely re-invent myself.
And idk how else to explain this weird phenomenon in my life right now.
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Comments
You explained yourself well. You say that you feel like your life has been a lie and that you think your life is destined to something bigger? It makes a lot of sense feeling like you were supposed to be someone else that could maybe fulfill these destinies.
I don't think it necessarily means there's something wrong with you. Although a personality disorder did pop to mind but after thinking more, I'm not really too sure.
Of course, you cannot be someone else physically, that doesn't mean you can't structure and restructure your life until you get it right and feel happy.
You can change your name, appearance, gender - literally everything to create a new you.
What things did you used to enjoy Vs what do you feel you should be doing?
I also agree with what @errrin wrote - There’s no right way, so you’re supposed to do what’s best for you, what makes you happy but life never goes the way we plan, and it feels even harder when you don’t know what you want in life. And the older we get the harder it feels to change. But the path we pick when we’re young isn’t the one we have to stay on.
I couldn't agree with it more tbh. We gotta try and figure out our own way to go and it's not always easy. Sometimes you gotta make big massive decisions. I decided at the age of 15 that I wanted to move abroad and by the age of 16 I moved abroad alone and I stayed out for 2 years.
Sometimes the decisions you make won't feel right either. Maybe there's a higher reason for them, maybe not. It all depends in what you believe in as a person.
Some people find finding faith can be a good way to lead them to living a good life. I'm not personally religious but I have been to religious schools so I've been exposed to it all.
I used to go to church with my billet mom (basically a foster parent for an athlete who's living abroad or a host family) and although I wasn't religious, it was comforting just being there. I do enjoy church but only for the calm atmosphere.
Sorry I got a little off track there (a bit like life!) But I hope you get the message.
You gotta trial and error to find what's good for you. Think about what you wanna do with your life. Write down any options and do some research. When you find the right thing, it should excite you and you should wanna tell everyone about that. When you get that feeling you're more than welcome to share in on the boards or even in a pm to me
I feel like I was born the wrong person. Like, not gender or who I am, but the wrong person, wrong time. I feel like I belong somewhere else in the world, and my self-discovery has shown that most of what I liked was a PURE lie. What I liked was fabricated by myself to fit in with friends and people who dropped off. My looks was dictated by other people...I just feel like living here is not for me.
I want to be someone else - and this is where the weirdness begins. I feel like I would be better off born in Asia - or Japan more specifically. Most of my interests, hobbies, and inspirations are from that area. Even down to the spiritual Shinto aspects, and the food...just everything.
I was questioning my sexuality for a while as well, but again, I feel like that was somewhat fabricated by myself to force myself on a period of self-discovery...
I am going to see a doctor about this soon. I think I may have a personality disorder that is really hard to keep under control? Or is it I have a goal I am determined towards? I just don't know, but writing this really helps me feel better.
You really have explained yourself well! I understand that this could be an overwhelming and confusing thing to be experiencing. However, I don't think it sounds weird. You're allowed to feel this way and I think it's great that you are speaking out about it
So you mentioned that you wonder if this is a type of personality disorder. I think it's great that you have decided to see a doctor about this soon, as they will be the best people to discuss the possibility of a personality disorder with. You also say it could just be a goal you are determined towards. I have honestly heard this from a bunch of people before, they simply feel drawn towards a new path, a new destiny. So I don't think you're alone in that
It can be so confusing to start questioning lots of aspects of your life, so I think you're doing a great thing by writing it all down and exploring it here with us, and potentially your GP. I'm pleased to hear that writing it down is helping you, please feel free to continue sharing!
We are right here for you and I hope that you find some more clarity soon