Feel so alone

Starlight

Right, so where do I start? I'm struggling, and it's alright to admit that. I'm not writing for attention or for people to read this and reply. I just feel so alone and I hope in by putting this out there I might feel just a little bit more heard and a little less alone. 

I haven't been on TheMix in a while, I've been extremely busy and for the first time in ages was feeling alright, a little overwhelmed from time to time and a little anxious every now and again but nothing nearly as bad as a few months ago. I felt amazing and like my best self, but I had a voice in the back of my head telling me its all a lie and Ill crash back down onto earth soon and ill go straight back into my big hiding hole, and now Im not quite as low as I was but im falling and I don't know if there's any way to stop. I really don't want it to get as bad as it has been in the past, it scares me so so so much. 

Well anyways now, Im struggling to sleep again, I've started having more symptoms of panic attacks frequently, im constantly feeling overwhelmed and stressed, and I just constantly feel and alone and have urges to cry 24/7 and its starting to get me down even more. A few days is fine I can cope with that, but now a few days is turning into a few weeks and im scared that will become a few months again. i have so much going on and its just gotten too much now. Im struggling at sixth form with one of my drama teachers and her lessons, im struggling just with the whole Covid situation at school, im struggling with a past relationship, Im struggling with my sexuality, im struggling with so many different little things that by themself are fine to manage but when they all add up become overwhelming and stressful. I no longer what to socialise with anyone and just want to stay at home in my room, I don't want to go to sixth form, I don't want to meet up with people (unless one of my 4 only friends), I even didn't want to go to dancing on Tuesday, which if you know anything about me is very odd and strange. Yet even though i don't want to socialise and I distance myself from everyone out of fear of hurting them too or disappointing them or not being good enough, I still feel utterly alone. 

I know what im dealing with is stupid stuff but I just needed to get it out somewhere, and none of my "friends" are replying to me currently so as I cant rant to them I'm gonna rant on here my stupidity. 

(btw I don't expect anyone to reply cos im worthless and don't deserve support, go help someone that deserves it)

independent_

Don’t be so hard on yourself @Starlight you do deserve the help, you are worth it and the things you have written here are absolutely, 100% not stupid!! It’s hard to see that when you’re feeling low, I know it is, but if it’s bothering you then it is never stupid and you aren’t bothering anyone by talking about it, whether that’s telling your friends or posting it on here. 

Things seem to have been building up in your head for a while and I’m guessing it’s all getting really overwhelming? A good rant can be one of the best things and a massive relief sometimes just to know that you’ve got it all written down and that people have heard what you’re going through. 

Was there anything specific which helped you to feel better the last time this happened? The fact that you’ve got through this before shows your strength and that you can absolutely get through it again, with the right help and support along the way. 

Sending big hugs, look after yourself and please don’t think you don’t deserve to get support because you absolutely do  

Starlight

Thanks @independent_ it means a lot. I don’t really know what helped I guess everything just seemed to align well for a bit idk? 

independent_

It’s no problem at all @Starlight. 

One thing’s for sure you’re definitely not alone in how you’re feeling and there’s support out there - people care about you and want to see things improving for you