Talking to a new employer about mental health

One-in-a-million

So I start a new job Monday, in the past I’ve looked forward to it. But this new job has filled me with dread, I have been bullied a lot and found it hard to fit in a lot of the time, I think this adds some stress to it but lately even before actually getting the job, I’ve really not been myself, I feel anxious a lot for no reason. I’m feeling so confused and frustrated but I don’t know why. I feel like people a judging me when I was at work (before COVID) I feel like I’m going to make a complete fool of myself and the cycle of bullying will start again. I feel like I’ll forget what I’m supposed to be doing in my roll or just not be able to do it properly, I don’t currently have a positive body image, I try and pretend I do in front of my cousins because I want them to have a positive body image. I’ve piled on wait because I was seeing a detrition nurse to help me loose weight. This was a few years ago and I was doing well but then certain things got in the way and I’ve slowly returned to my old ways but now I’m comfort eating too so now I’m bigger than I was before I lost the weight. I find that when something happens, no matter how bit or little it is I will think and stress over it for weeks after and unless I’m occupied it will be there in my mind. I can’t concentrate very well and I just don’t feel like the original me.


now I’m sorry if the above seems jibberish but since I am starting new employment. I haven’t spoken to anyone else about this only to the Samaritans via email. I can’t exactly tell them I have anxiety or whatever else because I don’t know what it is and I don’t want to tell them I’ve got something I haven’t. I also don’t want them to look at me in a different light or think I’m being weird. I already had to apologise to them for fiddling with my fingers during our induction. I didn’t want to seem rude, that’s something else I’ve noticed, the fact I’m fiddling with either my fingers or an object more when talking or listening to others and sometimes I’ll catch myself doing it just randomly.

do I speak to my new manager and get it out in the open, do I say nothing? Do I speak to someone else first??

I’m beginning to think maybe a new job wasn’t the best idea at the moment but I’ve been out of work for 7 months... what else can I do I need money.

Former Member

Hey,

I think doing whatever you feel comfortable with is the most important thing. I know how hard starting a new job can be. I would say if you feel your able to, talking to a manager or even a colleague when you first start can be helpful, because it means if you do need to take a break or something you don’t have to explain it at a time when you may be feeling more anxious, if that makes sense. In the past I’ve not told people before I’ve actually had a panic attack at work which then I’ve found makes it worse having to explain it whilst feeling really anxious. So I would say speaking to them first may help as then if you do feel anxious you know that people already know etc. 

You can always tell people that you feel anxious or stressed without saying anxiety. Lots of people suffer with things like that and I’m sure employers are used to helping employees with it. 

So I’d say if you can speak to someone it may help, but at the end of the day it’s most important to do whatever you feel most comfortable with whether that’s telling someone now or not. I really hope everything goes well for you xx

One-in-a-million

Hey @Dandelion thank you for replying, I wasn’t sure how to reply before as there were a lot of things going on. So I knew half term was coming up and that I knew I wouldn’t be working, I was and still am worried about how half term will effect me.. don’t get me wrong I’m looking forward to having a week off but I also worry about how I’ll be feeling when it’s time to go back. 

Knowing that I hadn’t actually ticked that particular box (anxiety) in the form I filled in when I started work had been playing on my mind, I also didn’t know how to talk to my manager.. Not because she isn’t approachable, she seems lovely I just didn’t know how to say it.

 I wrote her a note explaining how I was feeling and the fact it was playing on my mind. So for that day I was on edge all day not knowing what to expect from the manager but also had somewhat relief from knowing I wasn’t hiding it.
So at the end of the shift she called our room and asked me to go see her. 

She was really nice about it... I was half expecting her to question my ability to the job such as “Would I be able to do my job.” 

I was so wrong first she asked if I was ok, then explained that she was glad I told her and asked if there was anything at work that was making things difficult for me or if there was anything about work I was worried about. I explained that that while I felt fine once I get to work the initial getting to work can make me feel anxious but didn’t really know why. She asked if I was ok for the information to be passed on to the second manager and I said I was, she told me it was all confidential so it would stay between me and the managers. I was a little choked up but managed not to cry. Although I think she could tell. She asked if I had thought of speaking to my GP. (I put in the letter that I didn’t tick it as I hadn’t been to the GP so didn’t actually know if it was anxiety.) I told her I wasn’t sure about it, again she was very understanding. She said that if I wanted to talk to my room leader, that they are 3rd in command and was fully aware of the confidentiality of staff. Then she said that if I ever wanted to talk or vent that they would always make time to listen.

Today felt really relaxed well... compared to normal 😂😂 but I think that was because my feelings were out in the open and I knew she wasn’t going to judge me. 

Former Member

Hey @One-in-a-million, huge well done for taking the step and speaking to your manager. I know how terrifying that can be so you should be really proud of your self. It’s great that your manager is understanding and that you feel a bit better after speaking to them. 

I understand what you mean about having a week off, I’m the same sometimes when you go back it can be a bit more difficult. Try to relax and have a nice week off though. I hope everything is still good when you go back. I’m here if you ever need to talk x

One-in-a-million

@Dandelion thank you, She did say the other manager will have a chat with me too. But that will mainly be about my performance as it was my first week. I’m still anxious about it but I suppose she can’t really say much different than what the manager I spoke to has said, I just hope my performance this week has been good enough.

Im already dreading this week not because of having a week off but like I say I’m worried how it will make me feel when I do go back, I’m hoping to find something to keep me busy I was thinking about going on a walk tomorrow but the weather isn’t looking good enough.. it’s given rain out all next week.

Former Member

I hope the meeting with the other manager goes well, hopefully they’ll be as supportive as the other one. The weather does look horrible next week. Have you got anything you like doing inside like any craft things or anything like that. I started knitting when I was bored in lockdown and that was good and kept me busy. 

Former Member

Hey @One-in-a-million

I just wanted to say a big well done for speaking to your manager! That's such a brave thing to do and I am so proud of you. Really pleased they were kind and understanding too - that's exactly what you deserve

I hope that there are some dry days so that you can head for a walk. I feel like the weather changes so spontaneously at the moment haha, so maybe despite the weather app there could be a glimpse of sunshine! Do you have any other ideas of things you could do if it does rain a lot? Some things I like to do on rainy days include baking, watching a movie, reading etc! 

One-in-a-million

Thank you @Dandelion and @coc0mac

Unfortunately I’m struggling to concentrate on most things so apart from a few films I can’t think of much to do, in all fairness I’m in that type of mood at the moment where I just don’t care. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel a bit better but today hasn’t been great. I’ve got a bit of shopping to do so I suppose that’s something to do.

thank you both for replying xx

Former Member

@One-in-a-million I want to also say good job for talking with your manager! I'm so happy she was supportive and understanding. It sounds like you have some good people at your new job To me, the most important thing at work are the people I work with. You've got this! We all have days where we feel kind of blah. Thanks for sharing your worries!

One-in-a-million

Thank you guys it’s been a mixed week, I’ve laughed, cried and found myself frustrated but it hasn’t all been doom and gloom so it wasn’t as bad as I expected