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It's understandable that you may be scared to open your messages today, and it must be difficult knowing that some people have blocked you. Do you want to explain more about what happened to cause this specifically?
Life is so frustrating
I just wanted to share this page - I know you said you drink when you're sad so this article offers some other distractions that you can try out instead (maybe you could have a go at one of these?)
https://www.themix.org.uk/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-coping-tips-and-distractions-5696.html