Relationship

DylanJames

So I’ve been debating to come on here and share how I’m feeling about my relationship as I don’t really want people knowing my business but it’s starting to become a weight on my shoulder that I can’t seem to shrug off. 

I’ve been with my partner over a year and at the start everything was perfect, all the right feels and emotions however it’s came to just over a year and I’m starting to feel different towards him, it’s not that I don’t love him because I love him a lot I just feel at this current time where I am with my life and where he is with his life we are in two completely different stages of our lives and sometimes that’s not a bad thing I know but it’s been over 4 years and I struggle with really bad depression and it’s taken me this long to get out of the house and start doing something with my life, I’m currently a student (or was until COVID hit) and unemployed, my partner on the other hand has a stable job, he drives and is very much independent which I soon hope I can be too. He’s always had things easy which he even admits and I feel sometimes he doesn’t understand why I struggle, I know he try’s too and I appreciate that but he will never understand because he’s never gone through something traumatic. I don’t feel ready in my life to carry things on becuse I feel we are in two different stages of our lives and I always feel I’m having to catch up to him. I feel guilty for feeling the way I do, I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling like this because I still love him and he hasn’t done anything spiteful for me to feel the way I do, it’s just me. 

Jordan

Hi @DylanJames, really glad you felt comfortable reaching out here to discuss this.

From what you have said it sounds like you feel that you and your partner are at two different stages of your life, and that you sometimes feel left behind. On top of that, if I am right, it sounds like you want to break things off with him even though you feel he hasn't done anything wrong?

I can understand that you feel guilty about this, but ultimately whether the relationship continues is solely up to you. The one thing I would say is that there is no need to feel guilty about wanting to end things. We can want to end a relationship even though our partner has done nothing wrong. People end relationships because their partner has different life goals, they have just drifted apart, or the person needs time to focus on themselves.

You don't need a huge dramatic reason to want to end a relationship, you just need to feel the need to want to it. 

You mentioned that you don't feel ready to carry things on because you have to play catch up, is there any reason you feel this way? Do you think this is something you and your partner could work through together?

DylanJames

I appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me @Jordan

My partner is truly the most nicest guy I’ve ever met, loyal, honest, down to earth and so caring hes got a heart of gold and upsetting him is the least I want to do but I can’t help feel the way I do, I feel guilty for the way I feel because he deserves better, someone who’s got their shit together. 

I only feel I’m playing catch-up because of how far I am behind in life and I feel a relationship should be equal and I don’t play no part in being equal as I’m nowhere near where he is at in his life right now. 

I’m unsure of how I feel right now, whether I want to end things or try work things out 

Knowledgepower14

Hey @DylanJames! I totally get how you feel, life can be made to seem like a competition - but it's really not. Love is not bound by success, it's bound by love. Never worry that someone deserves better or is too good for you, your success isn't determined by what you choose to do in life. As long as you're being a committed and loving person, that's the priority. You're only a student after all, so you definitely have something to focus on and succeed in - you don't need to earn immediately to show that. 

Just remember that you have full control of this relationship, but a relationship should always be secondary to your own personal success. If you feel like it's stopping you from your own personal success, then that's something to think about, but never worry about being judged for how you want to approach your personal success! I would definitely advise talking to him about it. At the end of the day you can only go at your own pace in life...and if he supports that then that's wonderful - and if he doesn't then that doesn't mean you're catching up...you're just being yourself. I hope it'll work out, keep striving for success at your own pace! Good luck