I’m 20 and need help separating from my parents

Former Member

I’m 20 and my parents are mentally toxic and I need help getting out of the house, I’m scared I’m gunna have to be with them for a few more years as I’m seriously struggling to get a job and am possibly starting hair & beauty college soon.

 My instinct is so make a friend or two who are roughly the same age who wanna move out so we can do it together but I’m pretty sure that’s a terrible idea so that’s out the window...

 I last did something that made my parents not trust me 2 years ago but my mum can’t seem to let it go and basically wants to wrap me in bubble wrap and never let me go which don’t good obviously!

 I’m slowly starting to block my mum from my social media and telling her as little as possible about everything I do, college stuff I can obviously tell her, that’s perfectly fine!

 Does anyone know what I can do? Is it better to just go and not turn back or should involve them? My thoughts on the latter question is to just to cut them off entirely as they’ll discourage it highly as they want to “protect me” but they’re toxic behaviour is just... too much and my mental is constantly low...

 Thank you xxx

Former Member

Hey there @Past User I hear you. This is a tough situation for you. I also understand you. I went through a similar situation. I'm still kind of going through it. 

I got taken off my mum as a young teenager and lived with my grandparents. My mum is toxic and it took me a while to realise that. It's fantastic you can recognise that your parents are toxic, because that really is an important factor to getting the help you need.  

I'm not sure if you're a student but if so it's worth looking for the support they give to estranged students. If you're unfamiliar with estrangement it's essentially when you have no emotional support or no financial support from your parents, or both. I was able to get a discretionary fund that directly covered accommodation costs at my uni so I had my own space. It's definitely worth looking into that. If you classify yourself as estranged (which you can do while living with them! Emotional estrangement is a thing!) You can get far more support from any educational institutions and even the government I believe. 

It is an emotionally hard thing to do, I've been unable to cut my mum out of my life (something I've wanted to do for a while) but I now live with my boyfriend and his family and I heavily control any contact I have with my mum. I'm not interested in losing my grandparents so I keep contact with my mum. 

I hope this somewhat helps and if you need anymore help I'm always here for a chat  

Former Member

@Anch0r33 I will most likely be a college student soon but I don’t know what the college can do, I wasn’t aware that Uni had that but I’m not going to Uni so that’s out of the question.

 Do you know what else I can do? If I need to get in touch with the college, it’s have to be when they aren’t home so I can be in peace and no one will know.

 Thank you! 

Former Member

Hey @Past User I'm not sure what your specific college is and all of them will be different, that being said they should have something in place. If they don't have anything about estrangement it's always worth contacting them about care experience. I know you're not but they can often help. I think the first thing you should do is drop your college an emailing explaining the situation and asking hat support they can offer. With my situation I didn't believe I'd qualify for anything but I was surprised. 

There's not a lot else you can do at this stage other than seeing what they can offer. Otherwise try and keep yourself mentally well - practice mindfulness and meditation. 

If you fancy it, why not check out the group chat and the support chats as well to help? I recently started using them and they're great!

I'm sorry I can't help any more, but if you need a chat or anything feel free to pm me or talk on here!