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Idk how to feel about my first night in halls. :(

MiaMia Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
Well basically I was super excited to meet my new flatmates today, and when I got there, the flat was empty. So all 5 of them are moving in tomorrow instead of today :( I cried in my room for a while and then went outside and met some people and went with them with their flat to drink, then we went to the park and smoked weed, and then went back to the flat and played Mario Kart, and then I went back to my flat after a couple hours cos they said they were both tired, and now I'm alone again. 

 I had been one year with no drugs on the 9th Sep 2020 so this was the first day I've smoked in a year and idk how to feel about that. When I was smoking weed with my ex I was having a bad time and being panicky, and he told me I shouldn't do drugs cos I react badly on them. But I think that I only reacted badly with HIM, because he would be mean to me. So today I thought I'll have a good time because I'll be in good company. And yeah, it was good! I was just feeling a bit like I was losing control of myself towards the end, and thinking that they both secretly hate me or I'll embarrass myself, or offend someone by accident or act stupid or just being self-conscious in general. But overall it was good. 

Idk when I got back into my empty flat I just felt so sad & losing touch with reality, I started texting everyone I know, and most didn't reply. Idk how I'm gonna survive being on my own cos the fact that I cried one hour after I moved in cos I was lonely isn't a good sign. I just hope my flatmates are here tomorrow. UGH. 

Idk what you can say to this, but if anyone can give me any words of encouragement then please do cos I need it. And I'll try and get onto group chat in the evenings even though that is the time when I need to be social the most so I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to go on group chat regularly like I used to and it helped me a lot.  I wanted to defer my entry because I didn't feel ready to go, esp not with corona and stuff but my dad screamed at me and said "there's no logical reason why you should defer!" and that fucked with my head and now I'm here. 
Anch0r33Emoji246

Comments

  • MiaMia Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
    Also, Idk why I'm being so paranoid but my mini fridge is broken, and I feel uncomfortable leaving things in the communal fridge cos I keep being anxious that someone is gonna 'poison my food' or some shit, like why they would do that I don't know, but my brain is just annoying. So I feel like throwing away all the food I brought which is just a shame tbh. 
    Anch0r33
  • MiaMia Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
    Not now obvs cos the flat is empty, but what if they move in tomorrow and "poison' it while I'm asleep. Like why the fuck do I get worried about people I don't even know. :(  idk if I'm gonna cope with uni cos I simultaneously am too trusting and also don't trust anyone all at the same time. 
    Anch0r33
  • Anch0r33Anch0r33 Posts: 95 Budding Regular
    Hey Mia, I was partially in halls last academic year. I must've only stayed a few nights if I'm honest. I live locally to my uni but qualified for a room as I'm care experienced. It basically gave me my own space if I needed it. 

    Being in halls can be tough to start with. Once your flatmates all move in they'll be in exactly the same position as you. Most of them won't know each other! Just remember you've got the whole year to get to know them! 

    Have you had your flatmates move in yet? If so how are they? How are you feeling? 

    Communal spaces, especially food sharing, can be scary, especially when your brain is telling you something. Just remember that all unis know who they are accepting and will likely have information on the kind of people they've accepted. I don't know any statistics but I imagine it's incredibly rare for anything like that to happen and you shouldn't need to worry about that! 

    How is your room? Have you settled in? 

    Just think, you've had an extra day to get to know others and you got to claim your space in the kitchen first. That's definitely a positive. I came in late and got left with the last pick. I was lucky I could claim all the leftover space. 

    If you're ever feeling lonely and needing a chat feel free to drop me a message as well and I'm sure there's plenty of other on here that'll chat with you! 
  • JordanJordan Posts: 212 Super Moderator
    Hiya Mia, Agree with what @Anch0r33 says, definetely take a read through his post as he covers everthing I was going to say!

    I remember staying in halls when I first came to Uni. It was a nervewarcking experience for my first couple of nights. You are in a new place, meeting new people, in a completely new enviroment. How is it now your flatmates have moved in?

    Regarding what you say about your anxieties surronding your flatmates. Have you considered getting in touch with student support to see if they can provide any help? Student support is there to help you through your anxieties and worries and might be able to talk you through your problem or provide some counselling.
    Anch0r33
  • ConnorConnor Posts: 237 Community Manager
    Both replies here are good @Anch0r33 and @Jordan !

    When I first moved into halls, I was very nervous about leaving my food outside of my bedroom and in the main kitchen. I felt worried that people would do something to my food or just take it. I'm unsure if these experiences are the same, but it helped me to consider something similar to what @Anch0r33 said. Your flatmates will definitely be in a similar position to you, of being in a new environment . When I thought about it like that, it helped ease my worries a bit as I couldn't think of a reason why they'd want to. Does this help?

    I remember we spoke about this on Monday, so I just wanted to follow up and ask how things were going at the moment @Mia ?
    Anch0r33
  • MiaMia Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
    @Connor ,  you'd better grab some popcorn mate. it's going better. My flatmate situation still hasn't improved - only the one guy there who ive seen very briefly about 2 times. so in my flat I'm mostly alone. I didn't go out for 2 nights since that night happened on Sunday where I had to call the resident assistants to my flat cos I thought I was gonna lose my mind. 
    But then on Wednesday night I met 3 more people who seemed really nice, and today I met up with 2 of them and then found my other group and we went to the pub and then stayed together until now (2am) and I still went out even though I only slept about 3 hours last night.

    I think overall it's been a positive experience.....the people I met are really nice. I just need to manage my time and my sleep so that I don't fail. I've not even unpacked my stuff yet, and it's been a week. I keep losing all my stuff. And also, literally the day after I moved in to the halls, I was feeling lonely & bored & my ex was in the area so I invited him round, and now he knows where my flat is, which is just great, cos I just wanna forget about that fucking guy. And when me & my ex were at the bus stop we ran into my friends here and later on they told me that he thought he's my uncle. like ew lol. I just need to move on but it's fucked. I just don't wanna fail uni. But yeah that's my rant over 
  • MiaMia Posts: 26 Boards Initiate
    they thought he's my uncle * 
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