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Asexuality: a struggle.

I wrote this yesterday when I was feeling overwhelmed with my sexuality which happens a lot. Asexuality is real and is a complicated sexuality to get your head around, every day you are presented with reasons that your sexuality isn't what society deems as normal and every day I struggle with accepting it. Some days are easier than others though. So yesterday was a bad day and this is what came out of it:

A lot of the time I feel broken, like I'm missing a huge part of life and a piece of me never developed. I feel like there's something wrong with me that needs to be fixed, like I did somewhere wrong that has made me this way. I feel wrong.
And when I feel like this, my thoughts get jumbled and messy and quick and scary. I tumble down a hole and I fall and I fall and I fall. And I want to cry but I don't and I don't know why and I don't know if I ever will.
"But it's who I am" I say to myself. It's just a part of me. I'm not missing a piece, the piece is just slightly different from most people.
I'm not waiting for the right person, I'm not saving myself for someone, I'm not choosing to be like this. I am like this because I am me.
But that doesn't mean I always like being me.

I know there isn't much to this but I needed to share this, because I just feel so wrong and broken at the moment, I'm having a bad day/week/month but it will get better. I just wanted to share. If anyone else has struggled with being asexual or just any sexuality for that matter then feel free to express it here. Coming to terms with your sexuality isn't easy but it is part of us and it is okay and it is valid. This is just a bad moment in it.
Lainecoc0mac

Comments

  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandPosts: 4,771 The Mix Elder
    Hey @lazy_snail, and welcome to the mix! It’s great to have you in this community and it’s absolutely great that you’ve felt able to share how you’re feeling here, were all here to listen and support you however you’re feeling and however your day has been.

    I can really understand it’s hard to come to terms with your sexuality and sometimes it’s hard to accept yourself for who you are. But you’re absolutely right, your sexuality is a part of you and it’s not a choice, it’s not something you have any control over. Being asexual doesn’t make you broken or mean you’re missing a piece. It’s really poorly understood, and it’s something that I don’t know much about myself.

    But really you’ve done very well so far, you’ve realised who you are and are on the path towards fully accepting it. That you should be proud of. It’s totally natural to have difficult days but you will get through them.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • louisa982louisa982 Thesite.org oldie Posts: 285 The Mix Regular
    Hey, i'm asexual too! <3 x
  • coc0maccoc0mac Posts: 531 Incredible Poster
    Hi @lazy_snail

    I just wanted to say you did really well to post this, and I'm pleased that you did. We are here for you! :heart: You also have such a truly wonderful writing style, wow. You are really talented! 

    I hope that you are having a better day, and if you're not, know that better days will be coming your way. Take good care :heart:
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