Needing advice [Am I in the wrong?]

AnneFrypan

Sorry for a new thread, however, I feel like a new rant for me is in due course and that if I don't get it out it's going to erupt sooner or later. (Honestly not sure to call this a rant or not, whatever) 

Okay so honestly just a bit fed up, well I would say that is an understatement I am flipping fuming and I honestly feel like I'm going to burst from how angry, frustrated and pissed off a feel. 

Now I will cut to the chase. So basically I have known an online friend for 3 years or more we met through discord and Roblox and we have been pretty close. However recently we have managed to get into 4 or 5 arguments in the space of 48 hours. 

The first argument happened on Saturday night this was over them being inconsiderate, I had left a group chat because I was feeling really low that night and she decided to add a person I hated to the group chat once I left without asking anyone. My other friend told me this and I well lost my temper a little bit. After a while, she got into my personal space saying "why did you leave" so I replied with "fuck a duck honestly who agreed to (name) being there" saying it all without thinking as I was not in good mental space and in the end I ended up kicking off at them as I was in a bad mood and lost my temper. In the end, things settled a little bit and they added me back to the group chat without me asking them too. I kinda feel like I handled the situation wrong and put myself more In the wrong I need opinions. 

This leads to the second argument, once they added me back to the group chat the person who pissed me off started to guilt trip me and my friend as she had left the group that a bit before due to reasons I will not say. She started saying that we did not have the right to leave group chats and was being selfish saying that we couldn't as it makes her feel guilty and making us look in the wrong and the bad people. Because of this me and my friend, both ended off kicking off at her as we were both angry anyways. I said to her that she had no right to tell us we can't leave group chats and sometimes people need space so they will leave group chats you calm down and stuff. After that, she was saying that if anyone left she was not going to be adding us back as it is effort and we make her feel guilty and like trash from it. Personally I can't see how leaving a group chat can do that, but okay? Should I understand? Advice, please. 

The third argument was about her telling stuff I ranted to the person I said I hated, however, I trusted her not to tell my rant to anyone but she used it to get people off her back ending up in me getting in a load of shit. The thing is during my rant I had not meant a lot of the things I had said, I was anxious, depressed and really angry a lot of the time I say things without thinking anyway and she knows that! So I ending up in a third argument due to my temper and leaving the group chats and ignoring her DMs all night since like 4 pm. 

I will not include the other 2 arguments as I shall not be triggering anyone.

All these arguments have brought me down so so so much, I feel like I am not worthy and that I should die! THIS IS WHY I DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE! I should be a loner.

Honestly, I am just after advice and to know where I was in the right and wrong, and what I should do next?

Past User

I think you might be due for some time and space apart? It sounds as though you like this person even if you've had some bad interactions recently and perhaps continuing to talk to them while tensions are high will do more harm than good. If you calmly explain why you'd like some space they should understand, and if they're a proper friend, it shouldn't matter.

As for the arguments themselves I can't confidently comment on anything as I can't hear both sides, but based on what you've written it seems as though there was some negativity on both sides (first argument). The group chat stuff is strange, you have the right to leave any chat you want to if you don't feel comfortable there, but perhaps they're just upset that they feel they caused you and your other friend to leave. Unfortunately not all people are good to talk to and confidential with what you tell them. If you're able to get past them not being confidential that's great, but maybe don't tell them things in the future?

Sorry you're feeling so low and I hope you feel better soon. Hope you continue to post here and get some support.

_Tech_Addict_Girl

I'm sorry you feel like this you deserve support     

AnneFrypan

Honestly fucking fed up can't trust anybody wanna just die and I feel nobody would care. 

_Tech_Addict_Girl

@AnneFrypan I care       

Past User

Hey Anne how are you? Just want you to know that lots of people are trustworthy, and that people are here to talk if you need to. Thoughts can often get to that stage when we feel at our worst, so try to think about it a little in these terms. You'd be really upset if anything happened to your friends right? Or even just to know that they were struggling with things, and I imagine you'd want to help based on what I've seen of you being kind to others here. It's the same with others, people will definitely care if anything happens to you, and people are here for and want to help you.

I'm no good at this myself but, as hard as it is, I suppose try your best to treat yourself with the same kindness you would somebody else. Think about what you'd say to that friend who was struggling in order to help them, and ask yourself why you deserve worse? Because in reality you deserve that kindness and support as much as anyone else.

AnneFrypan

@Emoji246 Thank you but honestly, you shouldn't I don't deserve it. 

@Spook98 I am still not the greatest but thank you for asking. I guess I just have not had a good experience with people making my social anxiety really bad and talking to people is hard for me as much as I encourage others to talk to me I'm a person to bottle up my problems normally and the situation just explains why. Honestly yes I do believe its in phases however I feel already too broken to give a damn about things sometimes. Yes I would be upset if my friends were upset and because of my nature I will try anything to help them but they don't help me back! I really do love helping people and I do it regardless of my opinions on people but IRL wise I want people to care about me like I care for them. I just can't see why I should care about myself if offline people don't care and use me for my overkill kindness. 

Past User

I think we've had some similar feelings and experiences there then. Likewise I'm a very private person and often bottle things up. Then when it comes time for me to explode it often feels like it's too much for friends and family to handle. If people don't seem to care, be aware that it's probably not the case, and that more likely is they don't really know how to help. I've come to understand that it's hard for some to understand and help with certain things, and I see now that for me, just their being there is enough to make me feel a little better. Still I tend to keep a lot to myself and I'm guessing you're similar in that respect? What I've found helps is talking to people who've had similar experiences about the upsetting things and just trying to spend time with friends to distract from and take a break from the bad thoughts. Though I recognise even that's not ideal and maybe others can proffer some better advice.

There's a lot you said there that I empathise with for sure. And btw, even if you think you don't deserve it, we'll still be here.

AnneFrypan

I just wanna thank you for your advice way better than anything I've received from friends and family IRL. Yes I feel like you probably do empathise with me and it is nice to have people like that to seek advice from indeed, that's a great thing about the mix. Honestly, you might be right that they don't know how to help as they have not experienced anything as I have. Honestly, I like to shield my friends and family from my stuff especially when I feel like an explosion is happening due to not wanting to hurt them. Spending time with people is so hard due to lockdown. 

Past User

Of course, and I'm glad I could help. Just be cautious about shielding your friends and family from things, from my own experience it can help in the short term, but can lead to doing more damage to yourself than is necessary. Even if it's just saying "I don't feel the best today" and not going into specifics, it can go a long way it can help you feel a little more connected. 

Agreed, for me spending time with people was hard enough before lockdown so now it's nearly impossible.

AnneFrypan

Thanks again, if you want anything let me know and I will try to help.

_Tech_Addict_Girl

@AnneFrypan You do deserve it