If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Ranting Channel
Former Member
Posts: 335 The Mix Regular
Hello everyone, this is a free to use chat where you can rank about anything that you would wish to. On top of this, you can respond to each other and give feedback to help. 
Tagged:
2
Comments
At the moment I honestly feel so fucking shit and I am so fed up. I literally have no motivation at all. It feels like my world is crashing down. The thing is, however, I have to act fucking happy all the time and it's honestly getting so hard to do. Each day all I want to do is sleep and have no intention of getting up until my mum comes in and pulls the covers off of my bed and even then I feel so sad and low all day. All I long for is to sleep as it is the only time that I feel good and not sad and depressed.
I will start off with a recent situation. Please do not judge however I play Roblox. I was playing with my friend and I was on the call with them, we were playing a game and I had to demote them. After that in the game and in the call, they turned on me. They started to tell me to fucking die and things relating to that subject. They knew that this is where my fucking triggers are and wanted to fucking upset me. They told me to die, they told me to fucking jump of a cliff as well. On top of this, they told me to fucking slit my wrists. They know I have had problems with self-harm and suicidal thoughts in the past and know that I have harmed and get urges on the regular. You cant trust fucking people. Why make friends when all they do is turn on you I can keep my fucking friends, I am better off being a loner.
On top of this, I met up with a couple of RL school friends last week. I met up with 2 on Wednesday and they were fucking fine, however when they invited one more to come on the fucking Friday without even telling me it was fucking out of order. On top of this, I swear that they were leaving without me on purpose. I was already having a mental breakdown about even going out because of my anxiety and cried the whole morning in a mental break down. Due to this, I was running late, the friend that said they would wait for me left without me! I honestly had my blood boiling because of this and knew things would go bad, however, they came back after the nice one phoned me and we went on a walk. None of them fucking even tried to include me in their conversations the whole time and honestly feel like I fucking don't belong in this world and nobody cares. May as well be a looner as fucking humans are not worth trusting anymore.
Thirdly, I came out to my parents about being lesbian and they didn't react well. They seem really disappointed and disapproving to it! I do not need this on top of the rest of the things going on in my life! I just wanna shut myself either in my room or the office room where the computer is.
A few helpful pieces of advice would be nice.
I’m glad you’ve felt able to reach out for advice here. Just as an aside, for general rants, we do already have a thread dedicated to posting rants (although it’s not necessarily for getting advice, but it’s good if you just want a good old rant about your day). It’s called time for another rants thread in anything goes.
Sadly I don’t have much advice for you as I can relate to some parts of your situation. It does feel like sleep is an escape for me too but at the same time I also struggle a lot with sleep and getting to sleep etc because of the exact issues I’m trying to avoid when I sleep.
People can be really, really horrible sometimes. Sometimes I struggle to understand why people can’t just be fucking kind to each other. That situation with your friends sounds really really awful and the fact that they prayed on your triggers is not on. Have you told them how hurtful that was for you?
I’m always here if you need a chat
I am glad that you feel as if you can have a rant. We will always be here to support you during these times. I understand that you feel fed up and not the best at the moment which is more than okay for you to feel like this! It is extremely difficult when you're facing troubles with your mental health to be able to find motivation and hopefully when everyone is back at school, it'll make you feel a bit more motivated since you're getting out. You don't need to act happy all the time, don't bottle things up and you can express yourself freely. Sleeping helps to rest your mind from the troubles since when you're asleep, you aren't thinking of everything that has gone on - it's okay to do this. Could you explain to your family that this is why you're sleeping in so much? Then maybe they could get a better understanding.
It is okay to play ROBLOX, nobody here will judge you for it. If they are your friends, they wouldn't just turn on you like that - they need to just understand that you're doing what you need to do. No friends tell each other to die, that is extremely wrong and is something that can be reported if you wish to do so. There will be friends out there who will support you, you just need to find the right ones. What your "friend" did isn't okay and using triggers to upset someone is nothing but disgusting.
Anxiety is difficult and unfortunately, it is one of those things that you have to try and fight by pushing yourself to do the things that you don't want to do - I struggle with it too. You do belong in this world and there are people who do care. I am sorry that your time with your friends went like that and hopefully next time things are better for you. Perhaps you could try to speak to them about how you feel if that is something that you're willing to openly speak about.
Although, I have never had to do it, coming out to family and friends can be extremely difficult. It's okay to be a lesbian, you are your own person and you make your own decisions - if this is what you want to be then be it! I am sure that they aren't disappointed, sometimes people just need time to process their thoughts and people struggle to react to some things. I am sure they didn't mean for you to feel as if they are disapproving it.
It seems so difficult for you at home with so much going on. Together we will all get through this. Things might not get better immediately but they will get better in a matter of time so just hold up in there! Try not to isolate yourself in your room as that is one of my biggest regrets, it will worsen your anxiety and make things more difficult when you need to go out somewhere. Just remember the things that you read on my introduction before:
➤ I have been through some things in life that aren't the best myself but I want you guys to remain positive and fight through this with me, remember that things might not be better tomorrow, next week or next month but they will get better eventually; it takes time and patience, alongside lots of support.
➤ Be true to yourselves and just remember how amazing that you all are. Such joyful surprises were born onto this earth, serving a purpose - everyone deserves to be here and is most certainly loved by numerous people whether that is your friends, family, or carers.
➤ If you've done something that you regret, don't dwell on it when you can be learning from your mistakes instead.
➤ Be your own kind of person, there is only one of you and people who are one of their kind are the true definition of beautiful - especially when people can be who they are and have pride in themself, showing a glowing smile on their face. Who needs makeup when you can have a smile?
➤ Do the unstoppable, don't let your past haunt you or the demons inside weigh you down. You live one life so make it your best because there won't be another one after. Put yourself out there, do what you enjoy and live your dreams, don't let anyone or anything stop you!
➤ Keep your head held high, walking along with a low head won't allow you to move on because you can't see what you have ahead of you. There is light at the end of every dark tunnel, just some take a longer journey to go down than others.
Keep fighting, you are strong!