Anxiety Is Ruining My Life

Midnight17

(Sorry in advance for the long post)

Growing up I have always had really bad anxiety which began as soon as I started school. I was bullied a lot and was constantly left out by my "friends" until they eventually found someone better.
 This continued into secondary school and in yr8 I suffered a massive betrayal from people I thought were my friends. This extremely turned my life upside down and caused massive trust issues. I ended up moving schools because the continued torment from these girls destroyed me. 
I am now 17 and have no friends (I mean that literally...not a single one). I have no job and am going to a really small college due to the anxiety. I can't meet anyone my own age there and I live in a small town with not many clubs I could join (not that my anxiety would let me anyway). My life is going no where.

The only this that got me through school was my 2 older brothers who I was really close to growing up and considered them my best friends. But now they have both got girlfriends and never spend time with me anymore despite my best efforts. I have no one. 

I am a kind, funny and trustworthy person so I have never understood why everyone always leaves me. The last time a friend cut me off I was almost numb to it...like I'm so used to it happening that i just expect it to happen.

I'm also on anxiety meds but they haven't made a difference. 

Can anyone relate to any of this? Or have any advice. I feel I have tried everything and really don't know what to do anymore. 

independent_

Hiya,

I’m sorry to hear that it sounds like you’ve had it pretty tough. I’d like to say welcome to the community, this is a great place with loads of lovely, kind people and I’m glad you’ve found us here

I do relate to the feeling that anxiety and mental health in general is meaning that my life is going nowhere. I’m also 17, I left school as soon as I could when I turned 16 and spent a year at college, which was really really hard for me in the end and was then cut short by Covid. And during this time my mental health especially anxiety has got a lot worse and I’ve had to take the decision not to continue onto the next year (I’m also out of work). It is really really hard sometimes when you feel like you should be doing something with your life but your mental health is stopping that. 

I do have a couple of friends (I can count on one hand though the number) but I also really struggle to make new friends as I don’t like interacting with new people. That’s really hard too and can be pretty lonely at times. That’s where the internet comes in for me, and why places like this are so good. The General Chat thread on here is very good if you’re feeling a bit lonely / need a distraction.

I don’t really have any advice for you but wanted to share an experience, you’re certainly not alone in this.