Dating

Former Member

Hey Everyone,

Just looking for some advice. I recently matched with someone on Tinder. We sent a few messages and asked like what each other were interested in and stuff. We seemed to get on okay and even exchanged Snapchats to continue the conversation there.

I'm an introvert of a person and I stuffer from a bit of anxiety so I'm just a bit lost as to what to do next and whether he actually likes me. I have dropped a few hints about going on a date at some point, but I'm just a bit stuck on how often to message him and what to message him about. I don't want to come across full on obsessed but I don't want him to think I'm not interested. I also don't want to come across full on interrogation in messages and then have nothing to discuss when we go on a date. Also when would be a good time to suggest going on a date, or seeing if he is up for it? 

Also as I'm an introvert I'm a bit worried he will get bored of me or find me boring before we actually go on a date and I'm nervous about what to discuss on the date and like basically how to interact or see if he is enjoying it.

I've not done much dating before so it's unknown territory and I'm just a bit unsure what to do.

Any help on what to message and how often and what to do on the date will be a great help.

Cheers

Scott

Former Member

Really pleased to hear you have had some success on Tinder, @scottyjones98. Tinder can be really  daunting for a lot of people, so I understand why you feel a little nervous.

How long have you been talking for? Do you feel a connection? If the answer to the last one is yes you could always suggest going on a date. It can be a bit hard to gauge how people are feeling over text, so it can help to get that in-person connection

In terms of how often to message that's really hard to pin down. I know it can be tricky to find that middle ground between not messaging at all and feeling like you are being overbearing. As long as you feel he is appreciating your conversation and it doesn't feel "forced" you shouldn't worry about being overbearing. 

I think it's helpful to realise that just because you are introverted does not mean you are boring! You are just as interesting as any extorverted person, you just express how you feel and what you are interested in, in a different way

When it comes to the date, I know you said you are nervous about what to discuss. I think it's important to just be ourselves, conversation will come naturally. 

Let us know how it goes!

Former Member

Hi @scottyjones98

I agree with @Jordan with figuring out when to suggest a date - those are some great questions to ask yourself. 

In terms of messaging, there's not really a right or wrong amount as such - I would say it's more down to what feels natural for you. You don't want to overbear them, but you also don't want to overbear yourself. Perhaps you could message them in the morning and ask what they're up to that day. If they're busy, you could maybe let them have some time to enjoy whatever they're doing, and then catch up in the evening by asking how their day was. If they aren't up to much, you could then chat a little more perhaps by letting them know what you're up to, if you're watching a good show you'd recommend, if you see something that makes you think of them etc. 

You also say you are worried that you'll run out of things to talk about when you meet for a date. Personally, something that I find sparks great conversation is reminiscing. So, you could literally ask them about anything e.g, 'What's the best holiday/trip you've ever been on?', and you can both reminisce about good memories you have each had. It's a fun way to get to know each other too. 

And as Jordan says, being introverted absolutely does not mean you are boring! I've been in a relationship for four years and my boyfriend is totally an introvert. I'm an extrovert/ambivert, and have never thought of him as boring - personally, I love his introverted energy, I find it very calming! 

Best of luck - feel free to keep us updated!

Former Member

Hey @Jordan & @coc0mac,

Thanks for your kind words, you've made me feel more confident about myself and being an introvert, I just wish other people would see us more like that 

I've recently matched with someone else on Tinder (yay go me!) and we have also started having a conversation. I now feel in like I'm in a bigger situation now though. I get on well with both of the matches, and I have different share interests with both of them, but match number 1 I feel excites me more and I want to try dating with, but I don't think he wants to date me as he just seems a bit distance and hasn't really messaged me much. Match number 2 however I feel is more like me and is the person I should be with, but I dunno how I feel about him and he is a bit older, so I dunno it makes me feel like I'd have to grow up a bit???

ARRRHHHH why is dating so stressful! I've not even met either of them yet and I feel like I've been asked to marry one of them and spend the rest of my life with them! 

Any further advice for a lost soul in the big dating world!

Cheers

Former Member

I get what you mean, dating and dating apps can be super stressful!

I think there are different stages to dating someone and different types of "dates". I think the  important thing to keep in mind right now is that you are not committed to anyone. Right now you are on the dating app, matching and talking to a couple people. If you were to go on a date with one of those people, that doesn't mean you have to make a firm commitment to that person just yet! Dating at this stage is about exploring your options and learning more about each person and seeing if you are a good fit. 

I understand that you feel like you have been asked to marry one of them, but I personally think there is no need for firm commitment at this minute.   There's no harm on going on a couple dates with different people. It helps make that in-person connection and lets you learn more about that person.

Former Member

As an introvert myself, this was a pleasant read :-) I'm sure you'll get everything from it that you're looking for

Former Member

Just went to write out some advice then realised @Jordan put everything perfectly! So...just echoing everything Jordan has said haha! Also congrats for matching with somebody else

Former Member

I also have problems with how to behave on dates and I understand you perfectly

I used to be very nervous about what to say, how to behave

but now I realized that you need to accept yourself and behave the way you behave with loved ones

it always works and you immediately understand whether you will have a connection, because if a person is interested with you when you do not put on a mask, then you will be good together in life