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getting over my ex

madokamadoka Posts: 4 Newbie
This discussion was created from comments split from: How the hell do I get over my ex??.

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    madokamadoka Posts: 4 Newbie
    I’ve been with a guy for 2 years and was rlly reliant on him which I know was wrong but last night we split up. I put all my energy into this one guy and now just feel lost and empty it’s horrible. I don’t have any friends I can talk to either. Been contemplating suicide as I can’t imagine I life without this person but I rang a helpline and they recommended me here. Does anyone have any advice
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    TiredSquirrelTiredSquirrel Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    @madoka

    Hey. I'm so sorry to hear that's happened. I put this post up in early June. Me and my ex broke up in December but she was still in my life until around late April so I would say that's why I didn't start getting over her quickly. 

    It's hard. I won't lie to you. It's probably the hardest thing I've had to go through. Having said that, I haven't really had any illnesses or people in my family with anything so it's the closest thing to death I imagine I've been through.

    It's a physical pain. Don't let anyone tell you that you should just move on and get over it. When we've been with someone that long and we break up, we're just expected to get on with every day life like nothing has happened. All because there's no visual signs of illness. But it feels worse than breaking a leg. 

    I hate the saying 'time heals'. But let me tell you, it does in some form or another. So it's now late July. From where I was when I put this post on I'm feeling much better. I've started chatting to a new girl and been on a few dates. Some people say that you have to 'get under someone to get over someone'. Which I would only recommend once you're over them to a large degree, as you don't want a rebound.

    And what you said about being reliant upon them. I get that too. But it's wrong that that's how we are. We try and find qualities in others that we lack and that's not good. Work on yourself. That's not to say anything is wrong with you but take this situation like an opportunity to better yourself and make people and more importantly yourself realise you don't need anyone to be happy. 

    It is hard. And don't get me wrong I'm still not fully over mine and probably won't be come December when it'll have been a year. You're bound to feel pain and get upset from time to time because it's like losing a close friend for good. What I would say is: no contact. Please please please do no contact with them. I didn't and only just did in April but I realise now that is what I should have done. Your ex will understand. You need space and time to reflect.

    And when you begin to become nostalgic over them and remember the good times, do one thing for me. Write a list of all the good things that made you go 'yay' in your relationship and another with all things that could have been better or you didn't really like. You'll find the latter list to be far bigger than the former.

    It will get easier with time, as much as I hate that saying. Distract yourself. Give yourself time to have a good cry. And don't drink lots of alcohol because that just makes you feel worse later on.

    Good luck with yourself and let me know in this thread how you get on and if you have any dilemmas, struggles or anything else pop them in here.
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    TiredSquirrelTiredSquirrel Posts: 30 Boards Initiate
    @madoka

    And can I also add that nobody is worth your life. Never think you are better off not here than without that person.

    I'm glad you rang a helpline. I had The Mix's counselling for a bit which helped. Also, I recommend the support group chat at 8pm every night. I'll be there tonight 😊
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,336 Part of The Furniture
    Just dropping in briefly to say I've split these comments into their own discussion. Best to start new discussions rather than building on old ones posted by other members @madoka - means you get some nice, focused support and the other discussion can continue in its own flow. :)
    The truth resists simplicity.
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