EUPD

Former Member

hi, I was told to come on here for help with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I'm really struggling again at current and have had to go home from work because of it. I have audio and visual hallucinations and have had them since before the age of 10. I see two female, a negative and a positive. They have been dormant for a while now but I sense they are coming back, or the negative one is for the past 3-4 weeks now. As of this week its been really hard for me and the negative one has come back with so much strength and negativity. I'm finding it really hard to cope with going to work. 

Former Member

Hey there @Past User and welcome to the boards. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling so much at the moment and I think you're very brave to talk about what you're going through here on the boards. I can't pretend to understand what you're going through since I've never dealt with hallucinations but I know a few others on the boards have so they might be more help.

You mentioned that your your hallucinations have been dormant for a while but recently started appearing again, is there anything that's happened recently that might have affected your mood? Even little things can sometimes affect us in big ways and cause existing conditions to worsen so it might be worth trying to think of what's changed over the last few weeks if you can.

Hope you enjoy being on the boards though, be sure to keep us updated with how you're doing!

Former Member

Hi, thankyou for your reply. I dont think anything has happened recently to bring it back, my mood is normally low and I've been told I have severe anxiety, paranoia and depression. But they do sometimes go away, sometimes both together or one at a time. It happened completely when I was 16 and I thought they were gone, but I was still depressed through their absences. I know one of my triggers is conflict in my family, so it could possibly be feeling abandoned again. I havent lived with family for 2 years, i live alone. But recently I stopped calling them when I realised they never bother with me. Though my dad always checks on me, however he lives 3 hours away. He knows I'm struggling and always checks on me. 

Former Member

Hi @Past User
One more time, welcome to The Mix, feel free to open about your struggles ^^ I'm so sorry for the things that has happen to you; the negative girl coming back its not a good thing to deal, right? But look, i like to say that everything always pass, they can come back, but they can go and pass too. Believe me, will pass.

I don't know much about your family situation, but if your father's checks you, he's kind matter with you, and you're not bothering, cause you're family too (i hope not saying nothing wrong, sorry if i misunderstood something).

And to help you, music can distract, creative things like paint, drawing and writing can be a powerful gun to us, inteseful people (i do have eupd/bpd). Try to put your mind in another things, and if this its not possible, look to your struggles, feel it, cry, but do not hurt yourself, just cry and punch a pillow. And if this not helping you, try a deep and guttural breath, like an animal, try to kick out the negativity with your primitive side; this help me. But do not do this alone, call to someone you trust, let them in the line, you dont need to speak with them, you just need to feel the pain and let it out.

About you go to job, well, we have to work its the life that capitalism impose to us hahah just think that the day pass fast, listen to a music that you like veryyyy much and sing in your mind all day long (music can save lifes) and time to time, in your breaks, play some stupid/silly game.

I don't know if this its what you're looking for, i don't know if it's useful or if you understand why i mean, but i hope that things can get better to you soon. Take care of yourself. Everythingoes ^^