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Who am I

TMarie99TMarie99 Posts: 1 Literally just got here
Sometimes I want to cry, for what reason I don't know why.
I have lost hope and trust that I will overcome all the pain,
will I ever feel happy again.
It feels like I am drifting away, loosing touch of reality.
21 and I don't even know me.
Who am I.
What do I want to be.
I sit here day after day some days I don't even leave the house, cant bring myself to go out.
Panic floods my mind. Do I look strange to them, can they see I am scared.
Don't ask me why I'm scared, guess this social anxiety has my brain wired up all strange.
Going out, socialising.. no thanks i'm okay.
Every friend I've had I will push away.
Is it odd to then sit here and crave.
Crave love and affection, someone to care.
Wishing I could laugh and smile and actually feel okay..
what I would give to feel happy and to like myself let alone love.
Living life, day to day, never feeling good.
This brain is constantly flooded with painful thoughts and self destruction.
Is it made worse that I grew up with parents who couldn't give a fuck.
Maybe.
They chose alcohol and numbing themselves over caring for me.
Is this the life I will live forever.
Feeling trapped in my mind.
I want to feel happy,
desperate to feel free.
Jordan

Comments

  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 842 Super Moderator
    Hey @TMarie99

    Welcome to the mix community, just wanted to pop on to send you some hugs and let you know we care about you :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" 

    - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

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