Self Harm and Panic attacks

Former Member

Hi, I was advised that maybe opening up to people who can support me might help. I'm scared to let close friends and family know what I'm going through. Recently, I've been self-harming again which I managed to resist doing since a year but it's getting worse this time and I've been experiencing panic attacks for which I have been to the hospital but still can't seem to open up about what I'm feeling and experiencing. 

Hoping this helps a little.

mod edit: self-harm language tweaked

Former Member

Hi @Past User I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this.  Do you know if there were any techniques you used in the last year when you were able to resist it that helped you to stop? Some things I’ve heard of is ripping up bits of paper, scribbling on paper, putting glue on your skin and peeling that off or running an ice cube over your skin, some people even suggest adding a bit of red food colouring to the ice cube. 

For the panic attacks have you tried anything to help stop them. I always find for me distractions work best so I personally like to listen to music or watch TV whilst doing a craft so knitting or drawing or just having something to fiddle with so my hands are occupied. Also breathing techniques might help, there are many different ones so you might find some work better than others. Here’s a link that goes through some of the exercises and some other techniques to help stop them. 

https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/anxiety-and-panic/how-to-deal-with-panic-attacks

Also have you spoken to anyone about how your feeling in person. It may be useful to speak to a family member, friend or your GP if you feel you are able. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon x

Former Member

Hello @Past User

Welcome to the boards and a huge well done for opening up to us here. That is an amazing first step towards getting the support you truly deserve, so that really is something to feel proud of

You say you feel scared to let your close friends and family know what you are going through. I am wondering if you know what it is that makes you feel that way? It is a difficult thing to share with others how we feel, so it really is okay to feel this way. I hope you can feel comforted in the knowledge that we are right here to support you in finding the confidence to open up to them whenever you are ready

Former Member

Hi @Dandelion,
Thanks for taking your time to read my post and I appreciate your support. 
Well last year the main reason I was able to resist it all and actually recover was because of my supportive boyfriend who was very considerate and caring. Also I had 2 close friends who were observant and hence were always encouraging me to participate in new opportunities. That way my mind was distracted from the pain and my feeling momentarily. 

Thanks a lot for those methods, and yes I have tried ripping paper up and ice cube, also I have tried drawing in place of self-harming but I don't know why that makes me angrier and makes me feel like I want everything to end right that moment. However, I'll surely have a look at your link because I do want to be able to have self control in this matter.

In regards with talking about all this either to my family or GP, no I haven't and am honestly scared to. The reason for this is because firstly I don't want to burden my family and also don't think they'll understand. Moreover, Have been suggested to talk to the GP by another help care facility but I don't like talking about my feelings to someone I know or someone I don't know as I have this constant fear of being judged or told that others have it far worse and I should perhaps just stop feeling this way. 

Former Member

Hi @coc0mac,
I want to say I appreciate you having a read about my problem and feelings.
It was honestly difficult for me to open up on this platform firstly because I just hate talking about my feelings in general but I truly want to feel better again so it took a lot of courage to write the post. 

I think the main reason is because of my past and how my boyfriend and friends helped me recover initially from something similar, however last year I also had a lot of close people leave me and they are part of them. So I guess I am scared of opening up again because I don't want to burden friends and family and also I am scared of losing those I love again. I am glad that I have support here but I sometimes wish I could have the same thing from my close ones.

Former Member

I completely understand not wanting to talk to your GP. It took me so long to actually do it. For me I found it really helpful and GPS see everything so I’m sure they don’t judge. In the meantime though if you don’t feel your able to talk to your GP using keep using services like this and hopefully people on here can give you support without actually having to be face to face x

Former Member

Hi @Past User

Anytime So I understand that you are scared to open up because you don't want to be a burden, and you are afraid of losing the ones you love. In terms of feeling like a burden, please know that you are absolutely not. It can be so easy to have these feelings, you truly are not alone in feeling this way. But I hope that you can receive support from your loved ones, one day, that makes you feel important and makes you believe that you really are not a burden. Because you're not at all

You also say you are worried that you will lose the people you love. I was listening to a talk by Russel Brand yesterday, he is on a huge mental health journey at the moment, very inspiring. And he said that when it comes to sharing his feelings and opening up, he recognises people that he knows can 'hold it'. What he means by that is those people that won't become too overwhelmed themselves, won't want to walk away, and will simply be there to support you. Everybody deserves somebody like that in their lives for sure. Can you think of perhaps just one person to open up to, perhaps one family member, that you could work on speaking to first? 

I see you are worried that your family wouldn't understand. I am wondering if these feelings may be helped by spending a little time just exploring your feelings and understanding how you really would like to articulate these and to get across how you are feeling. You could perhaps begin by writing any words that come to your head, any specific thoughts - it can be easier to explore your thoughts when they are written in front of you rather than solely in your mind. And then perhaps you could write a letter for a family member to read, or simply some notes for you to hold onto if you were to speak to somebody, just to guide your thoughts and to help you to answer any questions or confusion they may have. How do you think that might be?

Former Member

Hi @Dandelion,
I'm glad you understand and yes I feel like using services like these are helping me open up slightly and maybe in due time I might be more comfortable in opening up to my GP and seeking professional help. 
Thank you for your help.

Former Member

Hi @coc0mac,
Thank you for your kind words and I would like to know that they were appreciated and very needed.
Also, as I have been repeatedly encouraged by such services to perhaps open up to one particular person as it could majorly help me, therefore I have tried to open up and convey these feelings of mine to a close friend. I definitely feel I cannot open up to my family because I am scared of feeling judged or being seen as a disappointment as it's not their fault I feel this way.

Thank you, I will try writing my feelings down or any thoughts that make me feel this way and hopefully this brings relief or at least makes me feel a little better. Maybe once I muster the courage I will be able to pass these noted onto my close family members so they are more aware and could support me. I am trying to stay positive about it all yet I panic when I think about opening up my feelings and situation to any close or not.   

Former Member

Hey @Past User

Just want to check in and see how you are doing?