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ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,057 Community Veteran
Wat can bullying, name calling, psychological abuse and sexual assault cause, wat conditions, how does it affect my day to day coz I still can't make sense of it x
Crazy mad insane


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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Ellie, :heart:

    Just wanted to send you some hugs and let you know that we are here for you. It sounds like all of the things you've mentioned are having a impact on your life and your wellbeing.

    Do you have any support in place? Anyone to talk too about things?  :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,557 Skive's The Limit
    It affects everyone differently. Some people just might never be affected by it and some realy Affected by it. It can be confused about how it has affected you and hard to understand if things are because Of trauma.  How has it affected you?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    GreenTeaGreenTea Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Hey Ellie,
    Echoing what bananamonkey said, 
    Do you have any support in place? Do you know where to go to reach out and talk to someone if you need it?

    Hope you are doing ok lovely
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,057 Community Veteran
    Who do I talk to. Sometimes I feel oo-er n I run around seeing who I can see who hasn't moved on, feel lonely 😫 even before lockdown. Those who I talk to, new ppl who I meet, they ask me about my life, I tell them
     they then cry and I never here from them again

    I don't know if ppl my age r friendly, so I tlk to the older ones
    I don't trust carers
    I don't know weather ppl r having a laugh or not wen they insult me
    I'm weary of police, I told them about the sexual assault and they threatend me with jail
    I had bottles thrown at me, someone kicked football s at me, I held one away from them n held up at knife point
    Police done me for someone else introducing me to porn, I got put on the s.o register coz the s.w thought tht was the best to do. Followed with the assault in the shower and abusers who I lived lived with for a long while
    Being on the barred list, while ppl were writing letters to ISA it tore me up. They eventually said there's no problem. But I was still on the sor police r c-nts. 2014 was off the police thing. Still got abused by caring staff afterwards and throughout 2017. Free completely
    Now Im struggling, self harming feeling suicidal at moments

    Luca Ellie xx
    Crazy mad insane
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,057 Community Veteran
    edited July 2020
    Only the sor and ISA was only on the table. I got told wat I suffered didn't matter 😟
    Crazy mad insane
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,057 Community Veteran
    Wat do I do, how do I cope with everyday life, wat r we on earth for. 😫 I don't have a purpose 😞
    Crazy mad insane
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    PoppyBPoppyB Posts: 228 Trailblazer
    Hi @ellie2000 it sounds like you are really struggling and have had a very difficult time recently - I just want to firstly say that you don't deserve what happened to you and you are very brave for openly talking about what happened to you here on The Mix. 

    An important thing to remember is to try and be patient with yourself. There may be days when you don't feel like doing anything or even getting out of bed which is okay because you have dealt with trauma and you need to give yourself time and be kind to yourself. 

    If you feel as though you don't have a support system around you, the Rape Crisis hotline is available on 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day). Writing can also be very therapeutic to get your feelings down on paper rather than keep them bottled up.

    You mentioned that you're struggling with suicidal thoughts and self harm - do you have any distractions or coping mechanisms when you are feeling this low? If you ever feel that you cannot keep yourself safe that the Samaritans are always available at 116 123. 
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    ellie2000ellie2000 Posts: 4,057 Community Veteran
    I produce music, but in lockdown I can't get to instruments, coz I'm not in my house atm. Wen I tlk about celebrities tht done wrong they tell me to shush, why?
    Crazy mad insane
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